Tuesday, November 4, 2003

   I FOUND MY HAT!

Celebrate good times, come on! I feel pretty again ^_^ It turns out it was buried under a bunch of junk under my bed. Many things have gotten lost under that bed, and less than half have ever been found again. It took me years (literally YEARS) to find the Goofy hat I bought from Disneyland in 1996. I think one of my N64 controllers is down there, too. Not that it matters. I haven't had much of a reason to play Diddy Kong Racing since my cousins moved out. I suppose I could visit them more often, but they live in East Oakland. That area has gotten 10 times worse since I moved out of there back in '98. Sure, people were shot, but not as often as they are now. Perhaps I've lost touch with the hood. Oh well. I'll just stay in the 'burbs until they become a hood. Hey, it happens. East Oakland used to be the part of Oakland everyone wanted to move to. Just so you know, I didn't show up to that interview Saturday. I said they could kiss my ass, and I stand by that statement. Although I think I should've gone anyway, just to tell them off. But I'm too polite for that. Yes, I much better than those bastards. Hm. I seem to be down to my last $23. That won't be nearly enough to go see a movie this week. You know, now that I have my golf hat back, I can experiment with a new hairstyle. If worse turns to worse, I can hide the consequences in my hat. Mike posted a conversation we had on his damn xanga. Now that ego-maniac Carlen Ocampo might find out I called her an ego-whore. Hm. You know, now that I think about it, I don't care if she knows. The girl's ego is so big, the world actually does revolve around her. You know, because it has a strong gravitational pull due to its large size. I am such a nerd. I listened to Outkast's new album at Borders. Actually, they only had Andre 3000's disc in the player, so I listened to his songs. He's a damn fool. I nearly died laughing when I heard "Happy Valentines Day." Everyone else in the store is quietly reading or previewing an album... and here I am about to roll on the floor with laughter. Quite embarrassing. It's a good album, though. Cop that disc. I would, but it costs too much. By the by, I've given up on downloading off of Kazaa. It has nothing to do with the RIAA or me obeying something silly like copyright laws. It's just that everytime I try to download one song, I end up with a completely different one. I tried to download "Fallen" by Mya, and the song turned out to be "Whatever Bitch" by Mya. I tried to download "Love Hater" by Outkast, and it was really "The Whole World" by Outkast. There's a lot of people out there mislabeling their mp3s, and my dial-up internet connection doesn't appreciate it. And that's all for now. Much Love.

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Thursday, October 30, 2003

   I've Had Worse Days. This One Didn't Involve A Hospital.

Today started off like any other day. The sun was shining. The birds were singing. The cats who regularly have sex in my backyard everynight were cooking breakfast on the patio. I got up, got dressed, and went to school. When I got to school, my throat was feeling kinda sore, so I bought some juice to sooth it. It hurts to swallow. I try to say "ow" and it hurts to speak. So I packed up, drove back home, and climbed in bed. I think I had a test in Broadcasting, today. Oh well. If Chad doesn't let me make it up, I still got A's on the rest of my tests. Around 11:00, I got a call from AT&T Mobile at the mall. They wanted to interview me today at 2:00. Despite the fact that I could barely talk without hurting myself, I agreed to take the interview. If you're a regular reader, then you'll know that I blame my unemployment on a clandestine idealogical organization that is dead-set against me making money. I had to take the interview. According to my watch, my cellphone, the clock in my car, and probably every clock in my house, I arrived at the AT&T store at exactly 2:00pm Pacific. According to the manager, I was 15 minutes late. Last time I checked, my watch wasn't a full 15 minutes behind anything. So instead of going ahead with the interview (because his watch is faster than any clock I've encountered since I got my watch fixed last month), he rescheduled the interview to Saturday at 11am. Seeing as I'm desperate for a job, you all assume I'm going to the second interview earlier than ever, right? I AIN'T GOING TO THE OTHER INTERVIEW! AT&T MOBILE CAN KISS MY NATURAL BLACK ASS! I know, I know. It sounds like I'm giving up. But do you honestly think he's going to hire me now? I have no prior work experience, and he wasn't willing to interview me during our first scheduled time because our watches aren't synchronized. My watch has gotten me to school and to movies on time. I don't know why his watch was so far ahead of mine. After I hauled my sick, cold-infested, hurts-to-speak but I'm going to go through with an interview anyway ass to the mall, too. Besides, I'm a Cingular customer. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to wait by my phone for any one of the other 4 places I applied for last week to not call me.

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Wednesday, October 29, 2003

The Illest

I'm the illest Hotter than hot Can you feel this? You know what I got But do you think you can deal with it? Feelin' the heat Workin' a beat It's enough to make you wanna st-st-stay Off of your feet. But do you wanna know how it feels? You're frontin' like it's nothin' But I doubt that you could deal. 'Cause what I got has mass appeal Something so potent that it can't be sealed. What? And there you have my rap about staying home with a really bad cold. What did you think it was about? I've been fighting a cold for the past week. I stayed home one day last week, took some cold medicine, and went to school the next day. Then the symptoms returned over this past weekend. Just Monday, I was singing in the car, when I started coughing and hacking on the word "love" in the bridge of the song "Hold On" by Dwele. And if you've ever heard the guy, you know that his more powerful notes (which is what I was hitting) are without range and not much louder than the rest of his singing. I choked on the note so badly that I had to pull over. Plus it gave me a headache. So I'm quite sick. I'm getting really tired of Mike IM'ing me to talk about girls. He's not attracted to black girls at all, and I'm not nearly as attracted to Asian girls as he is. There aren't any celebrities we can agree look good. He actually had the nerve to say I had bad taste in women. Well, I'm sorry if I'm willing to date outside of my own race, and you aren't. And if he doesn't quit talking about this Antoinette girl he's supposed "over," I'm going to scream. Well, I would if my throat didn't hurt so bad that I can't even drink water without saying "ouch." But I'm sure you all get my point. Hm. Today's entry is getting kinda long, isn't it? Better end this now before I start rambling. Ok, too late for that. I should stop anyway, though. Much Love.

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Saturday, October 25, 2003

The Idealogical Organization of POEM!

POEM: People Opposed to Employing Me I have come to the conclusion that my job applications were recently rejected from Spencer's Gifts, Target, Circuit City, Waldenbooks, Borders, Cingular, Suncoast, Hollywood Video, JC Penny, Cunningham Research, Rasputins, KB Toys, and Radio Shack because of a conspiracy created by an organization that I have dubbed POEM. This would more than explain why I have only been interviewed by one store since I started looking for a job in May. Or, you know, it could be the recession. Thanks to Gray Davis, G.W. Bush, and Arnold Schwarzenegger, jobs that could be occupied by teenagers and college students have been taken by unemployed qualified teachers and licensed pilots.

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Tuesday, October 21, 2003

A Survey I Swiped From Drew's Xanga Page

YOUR NAME: Kevin YOUR AGE: 19 YOUR HOBBIES: Writing crap, Watching TV WHAT MAKES YOU SPECIAL: Prada bags & Versace outfits. IF YOU COULD HAVE THREE WISHES, WHAT WOULD THEY BE: 1.) Peace in the Middle East 2.) Telekenesis 3.) Affordable health care WHAT'S YOUR DREAM JOB: VJ (people who host music video shows) DOES WRITING EVER MAKE YOU CRY: No. WHAT SONG DESCRIBES YOU BEST: "Complain" by Tweet IF YOU COULD GO TO A DESERTED ISLAND, WHO AND WHAT WOULD YOU BRING: The Professor from Gilligan's Island and MacGuyver, so we could get off of the island WHAT IS YOUR STAND ON SCHOOL: Ignorance is easier than knowledge, but knowledge is more worth it. NAME THE CDS YOU HAVE LISTENED TO TODAY: "Subject" by Swele WHO DID YOU LAST TALK TO ON THE PHONE: Mom's Boyfriend DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY: Sarcastic, flexible, surprisingly friendly DESCRIBE YOUR LOOKS: Black as midnight, chubby, short hair IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF? IF SO, WHAT: Yes. My weight and the way I try to hard to make some people like me. <[[ [ PART TWO -- >> what is your favorite .... COLOR: Black & Navy Blue SONG: "Truth" by Dwele BAND: Aaliyah, Missy Elliott, Dwele, Musiq Soulchild, The Roots, Stevie Wonder, Jackson 5, Janet Jackson, Prince, The Monkees NUMBER: 7 ALBUM: Jackson 5 Greatest Hits SCENT: Teen Spirit FOOD: Smothered potatoes, scambled eggs, nachos ACTOR: Denzel Washington ACTRESS: Nancy Cartwright PLACE: Disneyland PERSON: My parents QUOTE: "Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?" ANIMAL: Dolphin THING TO DO: Watch TV MOVIE: Spaceballs, Matrix, Robin Hood: Men in Tights, Airplane!, Breakfast Club <[[ [ PART THREE -- >> this or that RAIN OR SUN: Sun BLACK OR WHITE: Black FALL OR SUMMER: Summer BOY OR GIRL: Girl BOY/GIRLFRIEND OR FRIEND: Friend ONLINE OR OFFLINE: Online RENTING MOVIES OR MOVIE THEATRE: Renting POEMS OR SONGS: Songs VH1 OR MTV: VH1 DAY OR NIGHT: Night LOVE OR LUST: Love SWEET OR SOUR: Sweet SLEEP OR AWAKE: Sleep FAME OR MONEY: Money THIS OR THAT: This <[[ [ PART FOUR -- >> what do you think of when you hear this name? AMY: Girl I did a scene with in Acting last semester ANDREW: The guy I stole this survey from CHRISTINE: Girl from middle school COLIN: Ferrel? DANIELLE: My step-brother's ex DAMIAN: Cousin GINA: "DAMN, GINA!" GREG: Brady ISABELLE: Lizzy McGuire's alter-ego? IAN: Ian Chan, a character in a fictional story I'm writing KATIE: Kaboom KYLE: 's mom's a bitch MARY: Virgin MARK: er OPAL: N/A OLIVER: & Company SAMANTHA: Bewitched STEVE: Neighbor whose daughter I used to play with when we were little <3 [[ [ PART FIVE -- >> what do you think of when you hear this word? LOVE: Song MUSIC: Singing along in my car PERFECTION: ME! (j/k) VIRTUE: A type of Angel? CRAZY: You so... HAPPY: Gilmore ABUSE: Child HATE: Love HORROR: Mariah Carey's "Glitter" PAIN: Ouchies EMOTIONS: ...Taking me over EYES: Big, brown SOUL: I will devour your... RELIGION: Which is right? GOVERNMENT: Craziness <[[ [ PART SIX -- >> some random questions WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK: Interview With The Vampire, Darwin Awards HENDRIX, JOPLIN, MORRISON, ETC,: Hendrix WHO'S YOUR ROLE MODEL AND WHY: Me Pop, and why not? WHAT ARE YOU EATING/DRINKING: Cereal, milk WHAT TIME IS IT RIGHT NOW: 5:13 DID YOU HAVE A GOOD OR BAD DAY: Bad, considering I stayed home sick WHAT WOULD YOU DIE FOR: To get into Heaven DESCRIBE YOURSELF IN THREE WORDS: Me so crazy WHAT DO HOLIDAYS MEAN TO YOU: Food DO YOU LIKE YOUR FAMILY: I don't hate my family... WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU WANT: Lincoln Navigator WHAT TYPE OF THINGS DO YOU DO WITH YOUR FRIENDS: Video games, talk, absolutely nothing WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT BEING FIVE: Starting school WHAT IS THE DEFINITION OF A SELL OUT: Changing who you are for reasons other than your own opinion of yourself WHAT ARE YOUR FLAWS: I try to hard to please some people, which ends up with me looking like an idiot < [[ [ PART SEVEN -- >> your love life ARE YOU CURRENTLY TAKEN? IF SO, TO WHO?: No IF NOT, WHO IS THE OBJECT OF YOUR INFATUATION: My little secret WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST KISS LIKE OR WHAT DO YOU WANT IT TO BE LIKE: Warm and heartful... metaphorically DESCRIBE THE PERFECT BOY/GIRL: Sexy, independant, never scared to let it go HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE: Si IF SO, WHO WAS THE LUCKY PERSON: I'd rather no say WOULD YOU GO OUT WITH SOMEONE, JUST TO SAY YOU'RE GOING OUT: Why? It'd just be a shallow relationship DESCRIBE THE DREAM DATE: Running around the the beach, going to a bar, then into the hottub. All while Roger Lodge gives commentary. Wait a minute... DO YOU THINK IT'D BE FULFILLED: I hope not... IF YOU COULD HAVE ANYONE, WHO WOULD IT BE: Jessica Alba (grrr!) DO YOU FLIRT OR TEND TO LAY LOW: Lay low WOULD YOU MAKE THE FIRST MOVE? WHY/WHY NOT: I likes me a woman who isn't afriad to make the first move.

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Sunday, October 19, 2003

Align Those Chakras, Soldier!

For those of you who don't know, Chakras are the energy centers of the human body, which are used to emit and receive spiritual energies that make for a better emotional, physical, and spiritual state. To align them means to achieve balance. Or something like that. I only read a short essay on this stuff while searching online for information about religious figures and Angels. Why was I looking for stuff about Angels in the first place? I'm trying to write a fictional story which involve characters who claim to be Angels sent from Heaven, and I was looking for specific Angels in religious text to base the characters off of. The story is no more religious than Neon Genesis Evangelion. Less, actually. A lot less. All of this Neo-Soul I've been listening to. The religious information I've been absorbing for no apparent reason. You don't think I'm becoming a spiritual person, do you? Ah, who am I kidding? I couldn't preach to a pack of worms about how green the grass is. Anywho, I'm trying to find something to do this Halloween. My social circles are very small, so I don't know anybody throwing a party. I'm not going trick-or-treating, especially not by myself. That'd just look weird. I really don't know anything to do. My Hank "Beast" McCoy costume might just go to waste. For anyone who has never experienced my horrible horrible sense of humor full-force, I suggest you visit my Story Parody page. I've been writing these things since 2001, so you get to see just how funny/unfunny I really am. That's all for now. In the meantime, I think I'm gonna play Tetris, turn on my instant messengers, and let the rest of the day roll by at a torturingly slow speed.

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Tuesday, October 14, 2003

All I Ever Needed Was A Subject

I went to go see Kill Bill yesterday. Damn good movie, if I do say so. And I do say so. So there. I can't seem to finish Interview With The Vampire. I finally got half-way through the book, but now everytime I try to read it, I keep day dreaming or getting distracted. At this rate, I'll never read the rest of the Vampire Chronicles. My little sister turned 5 yestersay. I went down to my dad's house to visit and see if she was having a birthday party over the weekend, but she didn't. She had a tea party with some other girls from school. I finally figured out how to get to church on my own. It's just a simple 1-hour drive down state highway 4, then a 1-hour drive back. 2 hours... that's almost as long as the Baptist church's Sunday morning service. That's all for now. Tune in tomorrow for more of myOtaku Life!

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Saturday, October 4, 2003

   A Manic News Update

This is Kevin "Manic" Webb, here with the Saturday evening news of my own pathetic life. I've still received no word at all from Cingular in the past month on whether or not I have the job. I'd say it's safe to say that I didn't get the job. As of now, I am filling out an application for Cunningham Field & Research services, who are hiring bright invidiuals with no previous work experience at my local mall. Hopefully, this could mean a big jump in the Manic Economy. In other news, as of monday, I will officially be on a diet. Due to the incredible amount of money I've wasted on fast food, as well as my ever-increasing waistline, I've decided to make the goal of getting back to my old high school weight. This is a little sad, considering I've only been out of high school for a year. For more details, let's check with my other-persona news correspondant, Endymion... Diane! Endymion? Diane! Endymion, this is Manic. Where's Diane? Endymion, there is no Diane. Now what have you heard about my diet? Well, Diane... *sigh* ...it looks like I'll be switching to anorexia and overbearing workouts in the gym that will surely send me to the hospital. It seems that this diet was mostly triggered by a lost hat. Without my lost hat, I'll never be pretty. Back to you, Diane. Ladies and gentlement, that last report was a complete crock of lies created by my less truthful persona. Once more, my name is not Diane. In truth, this diet will consist of healthy portions of food and exercise, like any normal person would do. $10 says this diet won't last more than a week. Actually, I'd be lucky if I even remember it Monday afternoon as I'm driving to Jack in the Box. Anyway, that's all of the news we have for today. Check back on a later date for more Manic News. This news report brought to you by Insanity & Bordom.

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Wednesday, October 1, 2003

   Hello. My name is Kevin. And I have a problem...

Today in Broadcasting, we finished off a little ditty that my teacher does each semester called "The Circle of Love" where the class gets in a circle and each person talks about him/herself. Today I went. Here's what I had to say and how it all went down. Paraphrased and not exactly quoted, of course. Name Age Job Major Hobbies Talents Philosophy Why are you taking this class? Me: Hello. My name is Kevin. Chad [the teacher]: This isn't an AA meeting. (laughter) Me: My name is Kevin and I have a problem. I'm in Chad's class! (laughter) Ok, ok. I'm 19. I sponge (laughter) off of other people for a living! Guy in back of class: User! Other Guy: At least he's honest. (laughter) Me: My major is undecided. My hobbies are writing parodies to movies and songs. Uh... I like to sing in the car. (laughter) Chad: Hurry it up. You got two minutes before class ends. Me: Hm. No pressure. My talents... I think I'm a horrible actor. My entire family says I'm good, even my step-brother who thinks I can't do anything right. Guy in back of class: Then you must be good. (laughter) Me: I must be! (laughter) My philosophy is "go through life with a sense of humor. If you don't, then one day you'll wake up and realize you don't get it. Guy in back of class: That's good! (laughter) Other Guy: Yeah, it is. (laughter) Me: Yeah, and I'm taking this class because I'm thinking of majoring in Broadcasting. And that's it. Chad: Ok, now give Kevin a hand while you walk out of the class. Yeah, we were pretty much at the point where we'd laugh at anything. Even Chad's corny porno jokes. Also, it took me a nice half hour (or maybe even a full hour) to find a parking space today. Obviously, some of these people want to get killed, because I was about 3 seconds away from intentionally ramming into the next person who cut me off. Hey, people die everyday. And if I gotta commit suicide to stop people from cutting me off in the school parking lot, then I'm willing to make that sacrifice. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go clean up my indescribibly filthy car. Then go drop something off at the dry cleaners.

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Monday, September 29, 2003

   Incomplete Poetry Moment

"Sometimes Words" You told me things; Gave me an impression. In the end, your words Caused my depression Because they hurt. I learned a lesson: Sometimes words, they can hurt more than knives. Don't tell me secrets Then tell me lies. You can keep it. You've pulled the wool over my eyes Too often. Sometimes words, they ruin lives. An incomplete poem I wrote. I say it's "incomplete" because there's so much more I could write, but I choose not to. As for the subject... take from that what you will. So let's see... what did I do today? I went to class. Nothing too interesting happened, aside from my Broadcasting teacher making a bunch of dirty porn-themed jokes... as usual. I went to Borders, read a little bit of Ultimate Spider-Man (I started reading comics again last week. Last time I read comics was 8 years ago). You'd think I had something interesting happen to me today, but you'd be wrong. Hm. Maybe I'll work on another Parody Moment for later.

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