Sunday, October 31, 2004

Happy Halloween/Dias del los Muertos / Cartoon Chronicles: Super Madness #10

I'm surprised all that could fit in the subject line. So it's Halloween. What am I doing? I'm dressed up like Bishop from the X-Men (I painted an "M" over my eye and I'm wearing leather and carrying a plastic gun) and passing out candy to kids at the door. It's also Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) in Mexico. For those of you who don't know, it's a November 1st holiday when you honor those close to you who have passed on. For little kids, it means playing with toy skeletons and eating sugar candy-skulls. Speaking of my X-Men costume, it's time for tonight's Chronicle... X-Men Now, Phoenix, you and I are one! *faint* So imagine you're 13, you wake up one day, and you're different. Puberty aside, let's say you found out you could shoot fireworks out of your fingertips. Right. Now imagine there are thousands of teens and adults just like you, only with different powers, and society hates you. In fact, they hate you so much, giant anime-style robots are hunting you down for sport. The same thing happened to a girl named Jubilee. Lucky for her, she was rescued by the X-Men, a team of mutants who use their powers to protect their own kind, and humans alike. Their goal: a peaceful co-existence. The team is lead by Cyclops, a man who shoots a concussive energy from his eyes; and Storm, a woman who can control the weather. This was one of my favorite Saturday morning cartoons during the 1990s, and (obviously) one of my favorite superhero teams (up yours, Avengers!). The show was pretty interesting. You got to know a cast of weird yet angst-ridden characters who were torn between their jobs of saving a planet that hates them, and their own screwed-up personal lives. Somewhere between saving millions of lives and preventing a holocaust, a sticky love triangle developed between Cyclops, Jean "Marvel Girl" Grey, and Wolverine. Speaking of Jean Grey, that woman fainted everytime she used her powers. I can understand fainting when she became one with a cosmic entity, but she collapsed everytime she lifted a pencil. There were also frequent, confusing time-travelers teaming up with them to prevent the future from going down the crapper; they include a man named Bishop and Cyclops' own son, Cable. Would I recommend it? Yep. Of course. It's in my top 10, for goodness sake. And that's the end of the Super Madness portion of the Cartoon Chronicles. What subgenre of animation will I cover next? Not even I know. Much Love Fright

Comments (0) | Permalink

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Cartoon Chronicles: Super Madness #9

Funny story. The other night, I was putting a chemical relaxer in my hair. For those of you who don't know, I'm African-American, and my hair is naturally very coarse and thick. Anyway, the chemical relaxer was supposed to loosen up my hair just slightly, uncurling it enough for my almost carpet-like crop of hair to look larger/longer-- thus, I'd have an afro. Well, I left the relaxer in my hair too long before washing it out. If you've ever seen that episode of Boy Meets World where Cory (who has very curly hair) left a relaxer in his hair for over 30 minutes... that's essentially what happened to me. It's not shaped like a baseball cap or stuck in an obscure shape, but my hair is quite straight now. I got out of the shower this morning, and I had bangs lying on my forehead. Very strange. Visit my website! It has parodies! D.MOON Feel this shameless plug. Do you love the 80's as much as VH1? If so, here comes today's Cartoon Chronicle... Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles If you were born in the mid-1990s, you might get a tad confused. Kids flush their aquatic pets down the toilet all the time, but no one ever think they'll get flushed into toxic waste, live with a talking rat, and mutate into ninjas. Such is the case with Leonardo, Donatello, Michaelangelo, and Raphael. Trained in the art of stealth, these turtles act in the way of the ninja, and eat in the way of the teenager with no strict diet. They ate pizza. Nothing but pizza. Mike ordered it, they met the delivery guy in the shadows, paid him with money they earned from GodKnowsWhere, and proceeded to cover their sewer home with processed cheese. Oh yeah, and they lived in the F-ing sewers. So it's bad enough their turtles, mutated, raised by a talking ninja-rat, and are named after outcasted artists from the renaissance; they live in the sewer. Had they been someone's pet gators, the urban legends would've been true. And then comes the villains. First was Shredder, a ninja who operated publicly from the shadows. The guy sent robotic ninjas, mutated pigs, and all kinds of not-really-Japanese hoodoo through the city of New York, and nobody ever caught him. On top of that, his main accomplice was Kragg, a brain with its own eyes, mouth (and I would assume vocal chords and a tongue were hidden in there, somewhere), who built his own robotic body to control. Rather than place himself within the head of the robotic body, like most super-villains reduced to brains, he preferred to dwell in the body's stomach area. Needless to say, when your archnemesis can't tell his head from his own gut, his weekly evil antics aren't too difficult to stop. Would I recommend it? Yeah, sure. Although, I must warn you, it's extremely campy when compared to today's re-vamp. Next Time: X-Men. Watch the X-Men fight their own race war, before the November election sparks its own. Much Love

Comments (4) | Permalink

Saturday, October 23, 2004

Cartoon Chronicles: Super Madness #8

Right, so... new embedded song! This one is by a new, up-and-coming jazz musician named Jamie Cullum. Like Norah Jones, he's one of those new people in their mid-20s who play music listened to by people like me, and anyone in their mid-50s. I first heard of the guy when he remade "Frontin' ", a song originally recorded by Pharrell from The Neptunes/NERD. This song, however, is a number titled "Twenty-Something." Click the play button to take a listen. I'd also like to start plugging my personal, animation-based, humor website. It's titled A href="http://dmoon.animationhq.net/" target="_blank">D.Moon. It's basically a bunch of parodies I've (not so) secretly written over the years, involving characters from different animated series. It's not open yet, but you can view the full website in all its glory on October 27th. It's less than a week away! You can read a preview of one of my parodies here or here. Because I encourage voting, but not uninformed voting, I want to direct everyone to SmartVoter.org. Vote or Die: It's a threat! Let's get to today's Cartoon Chronicle... and fast! Superfriends Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, a bunch of heroes with useless powers, a couple defenseless sidekicks, some minority heroes tossed in because of affirmative action form a super group. During this show's 11 year run (I'm serious. 11 years) on television, they've had quite a fe adventures. During the show's first few seasons, the 4 big heroes (Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman, and Aquaman), two teen sidekicks with no powers and training (Marvin and Wendy), and their mascott (Wonder Dog) had less than spectacular adventures. At first, some misunderstood environmentalist usually launched an attack against some big corporate mogul that ended up endangering the lives of innocent people. The Superfriends were called onto the scene, where they'd have to wrap their pretty little brains around the mystery and teach the misunderstood villain the error of his ways. Somehow, 4 of Earth's most powerful/popular heroes thought it was a good idea for 2 untrained, unpowered teenagers (Marv and Wendy) to go on recon missions, which they'd always end up having to save them from. Suddenly, Marvin and Wendy left, and were replaced with the Wonder Twins. You remember them, right? One could turn into animals, and the other turned into water-based objects? Usually, they'd turn into something useless, like an eagle carrying a bucket of water. Soon, affirmative action caught up to the Superfriends, and they had to add a handful of minority superfriends. This included Black Vulcan, who, despite the name, wasn't related to Mr. Spock. He was, however, black. Then there's Apache Chief, a modern day Native American who somehow spoke broken English as a second language. El Dorado, who was Mexican. That's about all he did-- be Mexican. Then there's Samurai, who neither carried a sword, nor spoke Japanese. All-in-all, it was a very wacky series. Oftentimes, the writers completely forgot about the laws of physics, and had the heroes do something stupid, like push a planet out of the way of an asteroid. Would I recommend it? Yes, but only for a good laugh. I can't possibly squeeze everything about the show into this entry, but if you're already familiar with the show, I recommend reading the articles at Seanbaby's page. It's funny stuff, and it makes you realize just how stupid/funny that show really was. Next time: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Heroes on a half-shell... turtle power! Much Love

Comments (2) | Permalink

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

VOTE!! / Cartoon Chronicles: Super Madness #7

To any remaining US citizens who are still undecided on who to vote for in the coming presidential election, I'd like to endorse a website: WhyNotVote.com. It's a bi-partisan, unbiased website that helps you decide who to vote for. How? It's simple. Several political topics fly by the screen. Click on any topic you want. Two political opinions will appear on the screen. You click on which one you agree with the most, and they'll tell you whether you just agreed with Bush or Kerry. Do this with every topic, and they'll tell you which candidate you agree with the most. I already know who I'm voting for, and that site only reinforced my choice. In case you were wondering, I'm an Independent-party moderate/liberal. I was looking through the Humor section at Borders the other day, when I saw the new book America: The Book by Jon Stewart and the staff of The Daily Show. I flipped through it, and liked it. It's like a high school text book, if the book was as high as the students are. Very funny stuff. I'll have to go back and pick it up. It's time to get super-mad with yet another Cartoon Chronicle... Space Ghost Look, Ma! A generic superhero formula! Meet Space Ghost; a superhero who, despite the name, is not dead. His costume is just white, with the exception of his black mask and yellow cape. Space Ghost patrols the galaxy, looking for crime to stop. He has no real superpowers, but instead uses two power-bands he wears on his wrists. The power-bands give him the ability to fly and project energy blasts. He also has a sleek space ship, and a button on his collar that renders him invisible. Sadly, he also has 3 things no superhero should ever have: 2 defenseless teenaged sidekicks, and a monkey. See, while Space Ghost had power-bands to use as weapons, his two teen sidekicks only had that invisibility power to back them up. Not that they ever used it. Ever. In fact, most episodes would involve Space Ghost sending his sidekicks on a recon mission, them getting captured, and him having to fly to their rescue. I don't think the galaxy was ever in danger, so much that those damn kids were always in danger. And don't even ask me why the hell that monkey was there. So would I recommend it? Not really. I'd rather you watch the 1990s faux-talk show, Space Ghost Coast to Coast. And even that got old after the first year. Next time: Superfriends. This is what it sounds like when tokenism goes bad and the laws of physics don't apply. Much Love

Comments (1) | Permalink

Monday, October 18, 2004

Cartoon Chronicles: Super Madness #6

Well, Wednesday was my sister's 6th birthday. The party wasn't until Friday, though. My dad & step-mom paid for a party at Pump It Up. If you've never heard of it, it's basically a pre-planned party for younger (and sometimes older) kids. You schedule a party there, and they'll let everyone who's with you completely tear the place apart. They have those inflatable jungle gyms and mazes for kids to race through and jump around in (hence the name), and some arcade machines. If you're planning a party for the young'ins, and you've got the money for it, I highly recommend it. It's pricey, but you're not the one who has to clean up afterward. I've changed the background song. If you didn't like the Ricky Fante song, you probably won't like the Anthony Hamilton song I've just put up. If you like Anthony Hamilton, you're in for a treat. Speaking of treat, I'm still deciding on this year;s Halloween costume. Last year I was Beast from the X-Men. I'd do that again, but that'd just be tacky. And with that comic book reference, let's segue into today's Cartoon Chronicle... Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends Iceman and Firestar It started out like any other Spider-Man series. Peter Parker is a college student, living with his Aunt May, and a struggling photographer. As most of us know, that's where things stop being normal. One day, Peter starts to hit on this foxy new girl named Angelica Jones. Problem is, Angelica's guy-friend, Bobby, is the jealous type. Soon, Peter is having several pranks pulled on him that involve his food being too cold in one bite, and blazing hot the next. Turns out Angelica and Bobby were none other than the X-Men's Firestar and Iceman. They move into Aunt May's house, as she's been thinking of taking in boarders for money, anyway. Soon, the trio (Spidey, Iceman, and Firestar) are fighting crime together as the Spider-Friends. I know, I know. Spider-Friends is a horrible name for a superteam. Wanna know where their other options were? The Ex-X-Men and Iceman's Adoring Fans. They made their choice. A lot of you probably have no idea who Firestar is, or you have her confused with Teen Titans' Starfire. Firestar is a mutant with the power to manipulate and generate micorwave energy. Without getting too technical, let's just say she has fire-powers. She was supposed to premiere in her own comic book miniseries (then joining the X-Men books) in Spring 1985, but her comic was pushed back to 1986. Still, she debuted on Spider-Man's new TV show in 1985 anyway. The writers in the animated series didn't know where to go with her character, because she hadn't even been written into the comics yet. So they made her and Iceman former X-Men. When she finally premiered in the Uncanny X-Men books later that decade, she was only 13 and never actually joined the team. Her character was thus tweaked beyond recognition. Plus she had this weird ability in the animated series to be a brunette as Angelica, but have dual-shaded and highlighted red hair when in her Firestar costume. It's always bothered me. I know what some of you are thinking, and despite being the huge nerd that I am, I actually had to Google that information about Firestar before I wrote it. I'm a comic book nerd, but not a "I own comic books made before I could read" nerd. For that matter, I don't own any comic books. So would I recommend it? Yeah, why not. It was good programming in its day, and it was a little tongue-n-cheek. Nothing to take seriously. It's good for a nice laugh, when you want some 1980s animated campiness. Next time: Space Ghost. Before the talkshow, he was a superhero, and his bandleader was a villain. Much Love

Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Cartoon Chronicles: Super Madness #5

Catch me all this week on ToonRadio.net. Between every few songs, you can hear me reporting the latest news, courtesy of AnimationHQ. I also report some written news on AnimationHQ's website. For those of you who don't know what Toon Radio is, it's a free online radio station that plays music from some of your all-time favorite cartoons and anime. It's all uncut, and streaming audio. Prettier than Molly Ringwald in pink, it's time for today's Cartooon Chronicle... Plastic Man Place phallic joke here. Enter another wacky superhero. Plastic Man, which was actually based off of a comic book series, is about a superhero who has the ability to stretch and bend his body in any way he desires. He uses these abilities to do such amazing things as disguise himself as ordinary household objects, and reach things off of high shelves. Accompanied by his girlfriend Penny, and his Polynesian homey Hula-Hula, Plastic Man fights to rid the world of crime. Which is ironic, considering he used to be a criminal. He gained his powers from (what else?) a chemical spill. After learning he has incredible powers that can used for good, he went from a petty thief, to one of the world's mightiest and craziest superheroes. Now, what the hell was up with Hula-Hula? I don't know about you, but I've never heard of a Hawaiian being crazy enough to name their children after cultural dances and tourist attractions. A grown Hawaiian man named Hula-Hula makes about as much sense as a Latina named Lombada... or a Dutch boy named Clog... or a German named Waltz. Okay, so Waltz is a bad example. I can see a "Walter" being nicknamed "Waltz." You see my point, though. Would I recommend it? Maybe. It depends entirely on what you think of a former-criminal with a cartoon sense of humor, battling crime with a Southern Belle and a frumpy Hawaiian stereotype. It wasn't too bad, but it wasn't a stand-out series. Next Time: Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends. Struggling photographers, ex-X-Men, and a girl with the power to highlight her hair. Who could ask for more? Now if you'll excuse me, my cold medicine is kicking in. I'm gonna record a few news tidbits, and go to bed. Much Love

Comments (0) | Permalink

Saturday, October 9, 2004

Cartoon Chronicles: Super Madness #4

I'm currently holding my mom's Kill Bill Vol. 2 DVD hostage. If she wants it back, she's gonna have to give me back my Usher CD. Seriously, I bought that CD back when it first came out, and my mom's been "borrowing" it sense June. Then again, who am I to talk? I borrowed Jason's Final Fantasy 7 a long time ago, and I still haven't beaten it. I had to give a 6-8 minute speech in my (no surprise) Speech class. Aside from my speech going 6 minutes over the limit (I think it took 14 minutes), I think I did fairly well. It was an informative speech, with a topic of my choosing. I chose to explain the process of animating an... animation. You know, cartoons. I even threw in a few clips from my Clerks and Critic DVDs, just to keep my audience entertained. When the Q&A portion came up, I got a ton of anime questions, especially from the parents in the class who were concerned with what their kids are watching. At least we know some parents are involved with what their kids are watching. I'm back on the job hunt, and I've got my eye on Kinkos. I already know how to use a lot of office equipment, I have data-entry experience from working at Cunningham, and I work well with the public. Besides, my old printer isn't compatible with Windows XP, and I'm sick of printing all of my homework at Kinkos for $0.50 per page. I needs me some of them there employee discounts. And because I just want to annoy the whole lot of you by making you read MORE, here's today's chronicle... Freakazoid That was quite a jolt, Freak. Man, I loved this show. Keep in mind, this wasn't a serious superhero show. For one thing, it was written by Paul Dini (the guy behind the Duck Dodgers TV series and several episodes of Tiny Toons). It was very campy, centered around humor, and never took itself seriously. That's not to say there weren't the occasional daring heroics. The story starts at a conglomerate computer company. They've just released their newest processor chip; the Petticoat Chip™. A programmer, a Scottish stereotype named Roddy, runs into a board meeting with urgent news. If a user, with the P.Chip installed, presses a complex series of keys followed by the Delete key, they will be sucked into the cyber world and turned into a freakazoid! Enter average nerdy teenager, Dexter Douglas. He just got the P.Chip for his birthday, and immediately installed it. However, while turning his back on his PC, his cat walks across the keyboard. Dexter sees what his cat accidentally typed, and tries to delete it. Long story short (too late), Dexter can turn into a superhero known as Freakazoid. Freak has the power to... uh... I think he has super speed. He also has general cartoony wackiness on his side, as well as a few verbal jokes you'd have to be an adult to get. He had no official sidekick, but there were a few candidates; Freakadog, Fanboy, ect. The show also featured a few other heroes and their exploits. This includes Huntsman, a hero with a hyped-up theme song, who would rush to the police department every night, only to find there are no crimes for him to stop. Another was Lord Bravery, an English hero who nobody respected. He once tried to save a man who fell down a manhole, but the victim demanded Superman save him instead. And don't even get me started on the time a bakery trademarked the name "Lord Bravery", and he wound up changing his name to Lord Smoked Meats and Fishes. The show had an amazing level of self-awareness, making jokes at its own cancellation during the second season. Superman The Animated Series had premiered during Freakazoid's second season, and there were several instances when Superman appeared on Freakazoid. There was even an episode where Roddy was teaching Freakazoid new superpowers, so they could get a third season. Sadly, it didn't happen. Freakazoid lasted 2 years on the air, got syndicated on Cartoon Network a couple years later, and has now completely disappeared. Would I recommend it? If you're a geek, then yes. This show thrived on obscure references, and bashed fanboys regularly (ie. the annoying Fanboy character). Next time: Plastic Man. Make no mistake. Pacific Islanders will get insulted. Much Love

Comments (2) | Permalink

Friday, October 1, 2004

A Rare Super-Rant

You know, when most people think of online journals, they think of angst-ridden adolescents, relentlessly unleashing their complaints and gripes on the internet. In many cases, this is true; and I mean many cases. I've witnessed this with many of my friends. I just want to get some things out in the open. I've had to deal with my fair share of shit in the past. Some people very close to me have survived multiple heart attacks, incarceration, comas, drug abuse, mental illness-- and this is only my immediate family. Some of them haven't even moved on past their problems. Throughout all of this, everyone expects me to keep it together. What kind of bull is that? Sorry, Grampa, but I guess Grandma's heart attack happening simultaneously with mom's coma on Christmas got to me! No, dad, I am not bi-polar; I'm just a stressed out. What the fuck does everyone mean "you're too young to be stressed"? Sorry, bro, but you haven't given me a reason in the past to remotely care about you going to jail. No no, everyone can just leave me on my birthday. Go ahead, skip my graduation to get high. So what if my lovelife is fleeting? Go to hell, you racist bitch. Damn right, I quit my job. What do you mean you relapsed? Fine! You know what? I'll just sit here and pretend nothing is fucking wrong, and then let everyone ask me why I seem so depressed! And that's only a fraction of the stuff I've been holding back I've reserved it all for one single entry because of two simple words: "Much Love." I say it at the end of all of my entries. Why? With the exception of today's entry, I don't want people to walk away from my weblog either depressed, or annoyed by all my ranting. There's way too much angst on the internet, and I just want to provide a diversion. That's why I have the Cartoon Chronicles; so I'm not reduced to complaining about every factor of my sad, little life. So before you take the CC for granted, remember that the alternative can be found one paragraph back. Much Love

Comments (0) | Permalink

Thursday, September 30, 2004

Cartoon Chronicles: Super Madness #3

Now that I've geeked it up and played X-Men Legends for the Playstation 2, it's time for a short review-- followed by my usual cartoon chronicle. X-Men Legends is a real-time action RPG for the Playation 2 (PS2), Gamecube (GCN), and X-Box (Xb). You play as 15 characters from the popular Marvel comic book series (and movie series, and several animated series'), the X-Men. I'll spare you the details on their backstory, as that's for a future cartoon chronicle. You begin the game as Wolverine. You're on a mission to rescue a young mutant name Alison Crestmere from the evil clutches of the Brotherhood. After you rescue her, you begin to unravel a mystery involving the X-Men's greatest villain, Magneto. But as you battle the forces of evil, you also play as young Alison on the side-- training to use your mutant ability to control lava, and learning all about the history of the X-Men. While playing, you control 4 characters at the same time... sorta. You'll really be controlling one of the, while the game's AI controls the other 3. No need to worry, though; your computer-controlled allies are more than capable of handling themselves. They may forget to attack one or two nearby enemies, but they aren't going to do anything stupid like walk off of a cliff and kill themselves-- that is, unless they follow you into a situation where you kill yourself. If the character you're controlling dies, no need to worry. You'll instantly take control of one of the living members of your team. In fact, you can switch which character you control throughout most of the game. The roster of playable characters include such fan-favorites as Cyclops, Wolverine, Storm, Jean "Marvel Girl" Grey, Iceman, Beast, Rogue, Gambit, Jubilee, Magma, Nightcrawler, Colossus, Psylocke, Emma "White Queen" Frost, and a mysterious 15th character you'll have to play to find out. I really enjoyed this game, and despite my horrible track record with finishing video games, I beat it. For the hardcore gamer, depending on one's schedule, it could take anywhere between 2 days and one full week to beat this game. So if you're not sure about picking up this title, rent it. It's roughly 30 hours of fun, especially if you're an X-Geek like myself. And now the moment you couldn't care less about... Dynomutt, Dog Wonder He's a go-go dog person. Meet Radley Crowne, multi-millionaire and philanthropist. By day, he's a playboy with hos in different area codes. By night, and sometimes also during the day, he was the superhero known as the Blue Falcon. Oh yeah, and his dog is Dynomutt. Actually, Dynomutt was the more interesting of the two. Aside from being a talking dog, Dynomutt was also a kind of cyborg. His doggy body contained a broad assortment of gadgets and tools he and BF needed to fight crime. Now, if only Dynomutt knew how to use them. See, the dog wonder had a little trouble using his gadgets. He'd activate the wrong one, use it incorrectly, or realize it was totally useless and inappropriate. How they solved any of their cases is beyond me, but the city practically worshipped them. Oh yeah, and the name of the city was Big City. I'm serious. In case you couldn't tell, Dynomutt was meant to be a satire of real superhero cartoons. It was a joke. In fact, comedy was the show's strongest quality. BF's rogues gallery of colorful villains were ridiculous, even by Batman's standards (and Bats had some wacky villains). My particular favorite was BF's nemesis, the Queen Hornet. This woman had a habit of standing 2 inches away from your face, and buzzing loudly in your ear at the end of every sentence. One time she trapped Blue Falcon and Dynomutt in a puddle of honey (see? ridiculous!), and said something along the lines of "I have you now, Blue Falcon! Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz." And the buzzing went on for at least 7 seconds. 7 seconds may not sound like a long time, but stand next to a clock and make a buzzing sound for 7 seconds and see how ridiculous you feel. If that weren't bad enough, the bitch's head was twitching and shaking the whole time. Add that to Dynomutt's corny one-liners and wacky laugh, and you've got yourself one heck of a show. Would I recommend it? Yep. It's good, wacky fun. It even featured the occasional cameo from the Scooby Doo gang. You can't go wrong there. Next time: Freakazoid. Read it, or you'll get nothing for dinner but a blatherskite and a piece of leather! Much Love

Comments (1) | Permalink

Monday, September 20, 2004

Cartoon Chronicles: Super Madness #2

Like my new Beast theme? I made it in preparation of X-Men Legends, which will be released this week. I'll give my review of it, after I play it later this week. Everybody loves a good parody. With D.Moon currently under reconstruction, my parodies are sadly offline. However, I recommend The Editing Room for the movie-viewing public. It sums up popular films, cutting out the middle-man known as "the theatre." It's not made by me, so that only makes it 10 times funnier than anything you're used to finding in my weblog. Don't believe me? Here's a snippet of their summary of Matrix Revolutions. KEANU REEVES             Hi everyone. I know now what I need             to do. I must travel to the machine             city.                      LAURENCE FISHBURNE             What? Why?                         KEANU REEVES             Because you guys are fucked. I'm             switching to the winning team,             bitches. And with that said, let's get to those darn Cartoon Chronicles... Birdman and the Galaxy Trio It was two separate series' squeezed into the same half-hour. Some of you probably watch Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law. Well, before he was habeas corpus, he was a horribly generic superhero. He didn't even have a first name. He did, however, have superpowers. He has a pair of wings on his back, which allow him to fly. His body absorbs solar energy, which he used to project energy shields, energy beams, and essentially to remain concious. He had a highly intelligent bird named Avenger, and a sidekick named Birdboy who never did diddly squat sh*t. Speaking of generic, meet the Galaxy Trio! They're three aliens who (of course) patrol the galaxy, fighting for interstellar justice and galactic law. One was Vapor Man, a man with blue skin who could transform his body into mist. As you can guess, this power almost never came in useful. The next member was Gravity Girl, an almost manish redheaded woman who could alter gravity to make objects around her float. The final member was Meteor Man, who could (get this) increase the size of his body parts. He didn't become giant as a whole-- he only grew a few bodyparts at a time. Usually, he'd increase the size of his hands before punching something. This is where I'd make a sexually suggestive comment involving Meteor Man's powers and something phallic, but I'll leave that to your imagination. Talk amongst yourselves. So would I recommend Birdman and the Galaxy Trio? Only for novelty's sake. Honestly, you might want to watch it simply for the sake of knowing what Birdman's cartoon was like before he passed the bar. Next time: Dyno-Mutt, The Dog Wonder. That's right. The show's named after the sidekick. Much Love

Comments (0) | Permalink