Friday, September 3, 2004

Cartoon Chronicles: Super Madness #1

With the Teen Sleuth series over, it's time to move into a new realm of cartoons. The type of cartoon I'm referring to dates back to the 1940s, and continues to this day. It has action, adventure, corny storylines, and the laws of physics don't apply to it. Grab your capes, and pour into your tights; we're talking about superheroes! I know there are a ton of cartoons based around masked and/or caped superheroes, and that covering all of them would take forever. Don't worry, I'm not going to cover them all. In fact, I won't even get around to half of them. I know what some of you are thinking, but no-- I did not cover every "teen sleuth" show Hanna Barbera ever made. I skipped over Clue Club, Schmoo, and a couple of other shows. Plus I'm just plain lazy. So the question remains... which 8 or so shows will be part of Super Madness? Let's start with the first (in alphabetical order). Batman: The Animated Series Is it the 1940s, or the 90s? I can't tell! A man named Bruce Timm met with executives at the FOX network, and he had a perfect idea for an animated series based on the Batman comic book series. Rather than be bright and cheery (like the show starring Adam West), this new series would be dark and gritty (like the movies starrings Michael Keaton). Would it succeed? To quote Robert Evans, "you bet your ass." Meet billionaire industrialist Bruce Wayne. It's not secret that his parents were killed tragically in a mugging, giving Bruce sympathy for those with less money than him and a reason to embrace philantropy. What is a secret, however, it that this even changed Bruce in ways no one could have ever imagined. Training for years to improve himself mentally and phsyically, Bruce dedicated his life to fighting crime in the streets of his hometown of Gotham City... dressed like a freaking bat. Many Batman fans believe that Bruce Timm's animated Batman may be the definitive Batman-- more consistant and just as interesting as his comic book counterpart. This series created several spin-offs (all taking place in the same "universe"), eventually leading up to today's Justice League Unlimited. The art in Batman was, at first, used to give the series an earlier feel. The cars, the clothing, the music-- it all felt like the 1940s. The technology... perhaps more ambiguous. Would I recommend it? Do I even have to digify this with a response? Yes. Next time: Birdman and the Galaxy Trio. Two shows for the price of one. Much Love

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Sunday, August 29, 2004

Cartoon Chronicles: Teen Sleuth Toons #8

Well, I started school this past week. Due to me not paying attention when I signed up for my classes back in June, I have a class Tuesdays at 7:20PM, rather than 7:20AM as I thought. So after my first class ends at noon, I have half a day to wait before my next class starts. As if I weren't having a hard enough time filling my day already. I'm well aware that nearly all of my friends (you know who you are) are into online games, but it's just not happening with me. I could buy more RAM for my PC, switch from dial-up to a high-speed internet connection, fork over roughly $100-something to buy both FFXI and City of Heroes, AND pay the monthly fees for each game... but I quit my job weeks ago! Besides, I'm a cheap bastard. Maybe I'll join the club when I get another jobby-job. For those of you who wonder what I look like, check out this cartoony self-portrait. It's not entirely accurate, though. I'm actually much darker. Although, my head really is that disproportionably big. Speed Buggy Just when you thought drum-playing sharks were far-fetched... Speed Buggy was a small, red buggy. Yep, a car. And it talked. It had a minor speech impediment, but it talked. Driven by a racer car driver named Mark, Speed used to compete in races with actual freaking cars-- and win! For those of you having a hard time imagining this, let me give you a "gamer" example... Imagine playing Gran Turismo in your Lancer Evo. You're kicking up dust, you own the road. Then suddenly Mario and Luigi enter the race, driving something straight out of Mario Kart: Double Dash-- and they completely own you. In fact, they not only own you, they "0wz j00, sux0r!" That's how badass Speed was. Aside from Mark, other characters included Tinker, the mechanic; and Debbie... who, as far as I know, was there to give Mark a little shum'in-shum'in. Occasionally, the three were just driving down the road, when they'd witness a crime. Being the meddling kids they are, they took it upon themselves to solve all of these crimes-- along with some help from Speed. Although Speed was the central character, Mark, Deb, and Tinker did all the work and just told Speed what to do. The car could talk and move on its own, but it's not like it had a mind of its own. Having been created 4 years after Scooby Doo premiered, the characters on this show tended to look exactly like Scooby'd gang. Tinker looked like an even skinnier Shaggy (the mind boggles), Debbie was Daphne with brown hair, and Mark was Fred if Fred where... not white? One thing I've never been able to find out, is what Mark's ethnicity is. He didn't have a last name. He had pretty dark skin, and black hair. But what was he? Was he black? Mexican? Dominican? Asian? Persian? It doesn't help that his skintone changed drastically from episode to episode. Then again, maybe the point was that we don't know. He was a minority, but he didn't fit any bland stereotypes. Were the children of America being taught a lesson in racial unity from 1973 to 83? Oh yeah, and this show was on the air from 73 to 83. I kid you not. It last 10 freaking years on TV, yet the most you've probably seen of this car lately is a cameo on Harvey Birdman. Funny episode, though. And that does it for the "Teen Sleuth Toons" segment of the Cartoon Chronicles. But don't get your hopes up. I'm not done with cartoons yet! Coming soon: Super Madness! Be afraid. Very, even. Much Love

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Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Another Damn Vacation

Looks like I went on yet another vacation this past weekend. Where did I go this time? Well, me, Akiu, RT7, and LeMoN took a road trip from here in Northern California to Mt Shasta... in Even Northerner California. Hyjinx ensued. The day started off early. So early, in fact, I was out of the house by 6:00am. Yes, AM. The four of us piled into RT7's new Scion, and followed the rest of RT's family on the way to Shasta. No offense, RT, but your dad drives insanely fast. I'd post up pictures, but RT, Lemon, and Akiu have them all. Check their weblogs out to see them. They include naughty use of travel brochures, freeway signs pointing to weed, and a man known only as "horny man." That one will remain an inside joke. When we got to Mt. Shasta and Shasta Lake, we took a geological tour. A tourguide-- whose stand-up comedy act hasn't taken off for obvious reasons-- showed up many rock formations, while we climbed an UNHOLY amount of stairs inside the mountain. I'm just glad the mountain was so cold, as it was over 100 degrees (F) outside. We also went to Shasta Dam, where we watched a 10 year old informative video about how the dam was built. Best. Nap. Ever. Along the way back home, we stopped at an outlet mall in Vacaville (the horror), where we ate at a place called (free advertisement warning) Pizza Pucks. I'd further explain how good their pizza was, but they ain't paying me. During the rest of the drive back home, Akiu brought up an interesting point. Apparently, I'm the most Asian-acting black guy since Bruce Leroy. For those of you who don't know, Bruce Leroy was the main character in the cult classic kung fu film The Last Dragon. It's about an African-American kung fu master named Leroy who has to battle the evil inner-city crimelord, Shonuff. It's like Blacksploitation meets Kung Fu Theatre, with a soundtrack by El Debarge. Funny stuff. Rent it. I don't want my entry to drag on for too long, so I'll stop it here. Speed Buggy will show up in my next entry. Much Love

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Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Cartoon Chronicles: Teen Sleuth Toons #7

No new entries in over 10 days? What have I been up to, you ask? I don't have to explain myself to you fsckers, so back the fsck off!! Just kidding. Actually, I've been working through some family issues. I don't want to put too many details out there, but some of you already know that one of my brothers is an ex-con who was released last April, only to go back into jail 2 months later. He's currently on trial. The whole situation is affecting my family in different ways, and it hit my mom the hardest. I witnessed something I wish I hadn't, and now I've got some serious reconciling to do with her. Everyone's okay, so don't waste your words of concern. Actually, scratch that. I soak pity up like a sponge. Throw some of those words of concern this way. And as you can see, I've retained my dry, unfunny sense of humor. This can only mean one thing... Scooby Doo, Where Are You? The first meddling kids, and the only Hanna Barbera franchise to have an animated series on TV every decade since the 1960s. They're everybody's favorite group of hippies in a large vehicle-- if you don't count Timothy Leary's cross-country bus treks. And yes, I'm aware that Leary reference went over my entire audience's heads. Fred Jones, Daphne Blake, Velma Dinkley, Norvil "Shaggy" Rogers, and their dog Scooby Doo used to travel around the continental United States in a van they called the Mystery Machine. Along the way, they would run across the occasional paranormal mystery, which always turned out to be a hoax set up by a criminal. You all know the story, right? Scooby had a multitude of spin-off series'. So many, in fact, I can only name a fraction of them. It's a rather large fraction, but a fraction nonetheless. An interesting note: The live-action film is the only on-screen medium in the Scooby franchise to simply be titled Scooby Doo. Everything else had a relatively lengthy title. Scooby Doo, Where Are You?; The New Scooby Doo Mysteries; The 13 Ghosts of Scooby Doo; What's New, Scooby Doo?; ect. Aside from the above-mentioned names, there were also "second tier" members of "the gang." Scrappy Doo, Scooby's nephew by an unknown sister, is a more familiar name from the second tier. From his introduction, he's appeared in every Scooby movie or series afterward until 1988. Scooby Dum, Scooby Doo's southern cousin, appeared quite a few times to bring more attention to Doo's speech impediment. Flim Flam was a young Tibetian boy who helped the gang capture 13 ghosts Scoob accidentally released from an ancient chest. Googie was Shaggy's girlfriend, who helped him overcome the werewolf's curse. I could go on like this for days, but then most of you stopped reading 2 paragraphs ago. Would I recommend it? Hell-freaking-yes. But don't take my word for it... [insert Reading Rainbow fanfare] Next Time: Speed Buggy. It stayed on TV for 10 freaking years. It has to be good! Much Love

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Thursday, August 5, 2004

Family Vacation

Sorry, no Cartoon Chronicles in this entry. I have a vacation story to tell. On August 1st, I took a little road trip with my family to the smog-rich regions of Southern California. It was me, my dad, step-mom, little sister, and neice. We dropped my sister off at her godparents' house in LA so they could take her to Disneyland. Then the rest of us headed even further south; to San Diego to visit my Uncle Bruce and Auntie Sue. My Auntie and Uncle had been cooking all day, waiting for us to arrive. It's a funny thing when your aunt loves to cook and your uncle is a former US Navy chef... a lot of food tends to pile up. We had fish, chicken, rice, ham, mashed potatoes, and carniasada. Then there was cake. And a glass of red wine to help us go to sleep that night. My dad and step-mom slept in my cousin Sissy's old room (she moved out), and I slept on the fold-out sofa. I had to share the sofa with my 2 year old neice, Camryn, though. Note: She's still potty training. Monday was pretty dull. We all basically talked in the backyard all day-- except for my dad, who slept until dusk. Auntie took me to the store with her, where I got some imported tamarind candy from the Philippines. It was good, but sour as hell. After my dad woke up, Uncle Bruce took me and him to buy some DVDs to watch that night: Cabin Fever, Barbershop 2 and Once Upon A Time in Mexico. Tuesday, we finally did something. My step-mom, Auntie, cousin Sissy, and Sissy's baby Taleya went to the mall. Me, my dad, Uncle Bruce, my neice Camryn, and cousin Dishin took a look at Petco Park. For those of you who don't know, Petco Park is the name of the stadium for the San Diego Padres. It was bought out by pet supply store Petco. That's right, Petco. Pacbell Park doesn't seem like such a bad name anymore, does it? That night, me, Sissy, and Auntie went to Viejas Casino, which was built on (you guessed it) an Indian Reservation. I know what you're thinking (but Manic Webb, you're only 20!). Well, you only had to be 18 to go into that casino. Add the casino trip to the glass of Arbor Mist my Auntie gave me after dinner, and you can almost say I spent the night drinking and gambling. Rather than risk another night on the fold-out sofa with Baby Pees A Lot, Sissy took me to her apartment and let me spend the night on her couch. While I was there, I played a one-sided game of Dominos against her boyfriend, Tony. I lost so badly, it's not even funny. Didn't stop him from laughing, though. Before heading back to LA to pick up my sister from her godparents' home, I grabbed my step-mom's digital camera (which I'm still teaching her to use) and we snapped a few family photos. Then we headed to LA, picked up my sister, and took a few more fotografias. And here they are! Pictures of my family on Vacation! My Uncle and Auntie Been together over 30 years, those two. Uncle, me, and Dad I'm one of the shortest members of my family, you know. Sissy, Elina, Taleya, Auntie In that order. Jene and Kelina My little sister and her godsister. Dishin and Me Me and my oldest cousin. Standing in that freaking hot San Diego sun. To the 3 people who read this for the Cartoon Chronicles, I'm sorry and I'll get to Scooby Doo next time. Much Love

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Saturday, July 24, 2004

Unemployment / Cartoon Chronicles: Teen Sleuth Toons #6

I quit my job. July 17: My manager tells us he's being transferred to a new Cunningham Field Services location in Colorado. Because the assistant manager is also his roommate, he's taking the assistant manager with him. A new manager will come in the following Thursday. July 21: The manager and assistant manager say their goodbyes, leaving Monica and myself as the only employees in the office. July 22: Jennifer, the new manager, comes in. Monica doesn't show up for work. July 23: Monica comes in late, informing me and the new manager that she has quit. I become the only employee at our location. Today: I realize that I cannot personally take on the duties of an entire office. Failure to make our required quotas was inevitable, and chances of me being fired were about 1:1. So I quit. Josie and the Pussycats Long tails and ears for hats. They were the second meddling kids, but the first meddling rock-&-roll band. The band was Josie, Melody, and Valerie. Accompanying them were their managers Alexander and Alexandra, Josie's boyfriend Alan, and a pussycat named Sebastian. And get this: Sebastian didn't talk. Alexander was always trying to find the girls a good gig, Alexandra was trying to steal Alan from Josie, and Alan was just sorta... there. They managed to sneak a few good jokes in there, and I swear Josie almost called Alexandra a bitch in every episode. They even got a spin-off, Josie and the Pussycats in Outerspace. While nowhere near as popular (or good) as the original, this makes it one of the only three cartoons of its kind to get a spin-off series. The others would be Scooby Doo and Fangface (which I never saw). The Pussycats also got a live-action adaptation movie. While I never saw it, I did hear the song "Three Small Words"... a lot. Whether or not it was a good song in general, I think it had a very Pussycat feel to it, while being contemporary at the time. Better than a 60s-style song in the year 2001, but still something you'd expect from a girlband. Despite Sebastian being a cat, he was not the main focus of the show. He didn't talk, which is something we got a little too much from Hanna Barbera on shows starring humans. This show, however, does suffer from Scooby Lookalike Syndrome. Alexander looked like a shorter version of Shaggy, and Alan looked like Fred on steroids. If you ignore the limited artwork of HB's animators, this was a pretty good show. Would I recommend it? Well, it makes my top 3 in terms of Teen Sleuth Toons. So yes, I recommend it. Next Time: Scooby Doo, Where Are You? And the 12,000 spin-offs it spawned. Much Love

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Monday, July 19, 2004

Stargate/Firefly Quotes/Cartoon Chronicles: Teen Sleuth Toons #5

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Wednesday, July 7, 2004

Cartoon Chronicles: Teen Sleuth Toons: #4

Before I get back into the Cartoon Chronicles, I have quizzes!! How to make a ManicWebb Ingredients: 5 parts intelligence 1 part crazyiness 3 parts leadership Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add caring to taste! Do not overindulge! Username: Personality cocktail From Go-Quiz.com In the words of Coupling's Oliver Morris... "Craziness!" What Is Your Best Sexual Skill? Name: Age: Sex: MaleFemale Sexuality: StraightGayBisexual Flirting Skill Level - 81% Kissing Skill Level - 64% Cudding Skill Level - 29% Sex Skill Level - 90% Why They Love You You know how to push their buttons. Why They Hate You You talk too much. This QuickKwiz by lady_wintermoon - Taken 195483 Times. New! Get Free Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz Before you ask, yes. Deshun really is my middle name. Now that those quizzes are out of the way... Goober and the Ghost-Chasers The Partridge Family... Teen Sleuths... An Invisible Dog? Once again, "craziness!" Alright, here's the scenario. Three teens (Ted, Tina, and Gilly) write a magazine called "Ghost Chasers." Their mag is for fans of the unknown, and most of their articles involve them investigating paranormal activity. Think of the X-Files, sorta. Anyway, Goober is their pet dog, who has the ability to turn invisible when scared. Seriously. The dog wasn't dead or anything, but it turned invisible-- leaving only a floating dog collar in sight. So where do the Partridges come in? Well, 4 of the kids from the popular TV series The Partridge Family (you know, that family that played music and toured around in a bus) make frequent appearances on this show. This includes Danny Bonaduce as Danny Partridge, Susan Dey as Laurie Partridge, and those two little Partridges who never got any lines and were overshadowed by the teen hearthrobs and redheaded Danny. For no reason beyond a sad ratings ploy, every Partridge except the mom and oldest son showed up and helped these pseudo-journalists take pictures of weird supernatural happenings. Oh yeah, and Goober doesn't talk. He talks to himself, but it looks like none of the humans can understand him. Sorta like the babies on Rugrats. Would I recommend it? Maybe. Goober had quite a few observations, and this is the type of show you could watch if you're a fan of Susan Dey or Danny Bonaduce. Granted, you're only hearing their voices. Plus the Partridges did get their own animated series soon after. Next Time: Jabberjaw. A talking shark... and he won't shut-up! Much Love

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Tuesday, July 6, 2004

Firefly / Cartoon Chronicles: Teen Sleuth Toons #3

I'm back, biatches! Sorry about the month-long delay. I know some of you were waiting for eagerly for my review of Funky Phantom. Okay, so maybe not. Anyway, before I continue the Cartoon Chronicles, I want to do a little bit of my normal ranting. I bought Firfly on DVD. For those of you who don't know, Firefly is a deep space sci-fi series created by Joss Whedon, the man who brought us Buffy the Vampire Slayer and its spinoff series Angel. Set 500 years in the future, the show is about the crew of a firefly-class transport ship named Serenity. A firefly-class is usually very small, houses a little under a dozen people, and is good for shipping a fairly large amount of cargo. Captain Malcolm "Mal" Reynolds fought in a war against the Allied forces who were going to unite all of the planets in the known galaxy under one government. His side lost. So now he's a ship captain living under a government he doesn't even want. There are no aliens on this show, so there's nowhere for him to go to escape the government. So what does he do? He turns into an outlaw. So the series basically follows the crew of the Serenity as they run smuggling jobs, ship illegal cargo, hunt a little bounty, and try to keep food on the table. The crew consists of the captain, Mal; the first mate, Zoe; the pilot and Zoe's husband, Wash; a space pirate on the payroll, the man they call Jayne; a young mechanic and ship engine genius, Kaylee; a shepard or religious preacher, Book; a doctor on the run for kidnapping his sister, Simon; a child genius who's on the run for escaping a government institute that tortured her, Simon's little sister River; and a prostitute living in a future where her job is not only legal but prestigious, Inara. But enough of that. Let's talk Hanna Barbera. The Funky Phantom Ghosts can be good guys, too. So a group of kids warnder into a spooky house for Godonlyknowswhatreason, and accidentally awakened the spirit of a long-dead soldier from the Revolutionary War. His name: Mudsy. Well, it was really Muddlemore, but they called him Mudsy. Rather than try to scare the kids away from the house while secretly using it as a base to smuggle gold bricks (ie. typical Scooby plot), he decides to team up with these meddling kids and help them solve mysteries. Oh yeah, and his ghost-cat named Boo is there, too. Don't let the title fool you. This show was not Funky. Funny on occasion, but not so much funky. His voice was done by Daws Butler, so he sounded exactly like Snagglepuss. Which is really disappointing, because Butler has so many other voices (Yogi Bear, Baba Looey, Huck Hound). You'd think he could come up with a voice that doesn't sound exactly like another. But I digress. This show's major downfall was the way it used the same background music as Scooby Doo. I kid you not. This show shared Scooby's score. If this show ever attempted to be different from Scooby, it wasn't trying hard enough. Would I recommend it? Eh... no. Heck, you can barely even catch this show on Boomerang. Next Time: Goober and the Ghost-Chasers. If Mulder and Scully were two meddling kids, X-Files would look a little something like this. Much Love.

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Sunday, June 13, 2004

Cartoon Chronicles: Teen-Sleuth Toons #2

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kids No, not the train robbing duo. In fact, this Hanna Barbera series had absolutely nothing to do with the famous old west outlaws. The names are just incredibly similar. Butch Cassidy is the leader of a rock band named The Sundance Kids. This group of teens toured the world, performed gigs, and lived the lives of normal child stars. Or did they? It turns out Butch, Merilee, Harvey, Steffy, and their dog Elvis are really spies working for the United States government. The rock band thing? Just a cover. Unlike other meddling kids in those days, stopping crime and solving mysteries was actually these kids' job. So why wasn't this show popular? Simple. It wasn't good. Four meddling kids and their dog? Hanna Barbera did it 4 years earlier with Scooby. A rock band? Josie and the Pussycats did it 3 years earlier. The simple truth is that this show had virtually nothing new to offer. Sure, the episodes were formulaic. Who's weren't? But there was just something about this show that screamed "watch Hong Kong Phooey instead." Would I recommend it? Nope. You're much better off with the Chan Clan. Next time: Funky Phantom (This time, the ghosts are real... and helpful.) Much Love

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