Friday, November 12, 2004

Cartoon Chronicles: Educatoon #2

You know, it's been years since I played the original SimCity. So when I bought SimCity 3000 a couple weeks ago, I had completely forgotten every strategy I could use to keep my city out of debt. It was driving me insane. So after the falls of the cities Crap-Apple and San Bajo, I finally found success in Haypenny. And before you criticize the names I chose for my cities, have you looked at your state/province/prefecture/national map lately? I need work! I'm running out of money, and not one place I've applied for has so much as interviewed me. I can understand if my personality and appearance drive people off, but a rejected application is just plain offensive. Is the power truly yours? Find out in today's Cartoon Chronicle. Role that beautiful bean footage! Captain Planet Here's our hero. Our world is in peril. Gaia, the spirit of the Earth, can no longer stand the destruction facing our planet. She sends five magic rings to five special young people: Kwame, from Africa, with the power of Earth; from North America, Wheeler, with the power of fire; from Eastern Europe, Linka, with the power of Wind; from Asia, Gi, with the power of water; and from South America, Mati, with the power of heart. When their powers combine, they summon Earth's greatest champion-- Captain Planet! If my laziness weren't already apparent, I copied that entire paragraph from the opening sequence of the show. That's not to say I don't have a lot to say... As far as complaints go, I always felt Wheeler was somehow more powerful than the others. While he could create fire with his ring, everyone else's rings could only control their elements. Kwame was pretty useless unless he was standing on unpaved ground, free of nearby trees. Gi could control water, so long as it was pure and unbelievably clean. Linka's wind power never went beyond a cool breeze. Then there's Mati and his freaking heart ring. Let me just say that his ring had a new ability everytime he used it, and he rarely used the same skill twice. He might calm down rabid animals with it one day, and then run away from a tiger the next. He could use it to call for help when he was in danger, but don't expect him to do that too often. He convinced animals to do his bidding, but only until they were distracted by food or something shiny. Whenever they combined their powers, a crystal-shinned superhero would appear named Captain Planet, although I'm 90% sure he was neither in the military, sailed the open seas, nor piloted a plane. Frankly, I wouldn't trust someone with a green high-top mullet hair style to pilot any plane I was on, but that's just me. Despite his incredible strength, speed, and control over the elements, he had the silliest weakness since yellow. The guy could taken down by pollution. Now, I can understand the toxic waste killing him, but you could knock him out with litter. The villains were no prize, either. At first, they started out polluting only as a side effect of some profit-making scheme of theirs. Wanna build a mini-mall? Chop down a major rainforest. Then it got to the point where they were just polluting to spite the 5 Planeteers. And they never learned their lessons. One episode, Greedly nearly killed his own son with the exhaust fumes generated by his own cars. The next episode, he was burning down a tree for spits and giggles. Would I recommend it? Yes and no. The show got be very formulaic for the most part, but the "Planeteer Alert" segments at the end taught you an important lesson on how you can help the environment without becoming an overly zealous misfit who works for some environmentalist militia. In terms of good episodes, the show started to get good when they stopped summoning Cap. Planet, and started breaking up gang violence and looking into the characters' pasts. Next Time: Dora the Explorer. Unleash the mariachi forest creatures! Much Love

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