Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Cartoon Chronicles: Educatoon #3

It's official. I now have a new-found respect for Country music. While I was at my dad's house this past week, I was sleeping in my step-brother's old bedroom. He's since moved out, so I had the whole room to myself. Now, I'm one of those people who need to leave the TV on before they can go to sleep at night. Thus, I watch TV all night, every night. Usually, I watch Cartoon Network or Boomerang all night. However, my step-bro's old TV (which he's had since I was 4 years old) only goes as high as channel 36. So all I had to watch was network television, public television, some local broadcast crap, the Food Network, Country Music Television, and FX. Needless to say, I learned how to bake one hell of a bunt cake. Also, I learned to appreciate Country music. Those guys know how to rock it out, and kick out the jams. Granted, I still hate that one hand-played string instrument that sounds like drowning dead zombie cats, and I still think Toby Keith is an asshole, but at least I no longer can say I don't like the genre. I could even get into the whole Country Western culture... if I didn't despise line dancing, weren't moderately liberal, and super-humanly Black. Hold onto your knickers! It's time for another Chronicle! Dora the Explorer Swiper No Swiping! Meet Dora, your average 5 year old girl... with a pet pink monkey named Boots. Why is his name Boots? It's all he wears. Dora and Boots like to wander through the forest, helping whatever animal or talking inanimate object needs their help. It's usually something like a mother bird who needs help back to her nest to feed her kids, or a talking single-car train racing to some big yellow station. Everything, and I do mean everything, on this show sings. Whenever Dora begins her journey, the first thing she does it ask her singing backpack to pull out the map. Short before the talking map gives Dora any directions, it sings the "I'm the map" song, which consists of singing "I'm the map" 8000 times in a row. It then proceeds to repeat the directions (also) 8000 times. Then Dora and Boots are on their way! Along the way, they may need to cross a river or help some random animal through a maze of trees. This usually leads to Dora teaching the kids at home a new word in Spanish. Whenever Dora completes her tasks, a small mariachi band consisting of (I swear) a frog, snail, and grasshopper play a fanfare. Occasionally, they might run into a masked fox named Swiper who has nothing better to do than steal small $2 trinkets from a 5 year old Mexican girl on her way to an apple tree at the end of a forkless road. Luckily, Dora and Boots can fend Swiper off by (loudly) shouting "Swiper no swiping" 3 times in a row. Any less than 3 (and I mean if you only get to say the sentence 2 1/2 times), and Swiper steals something from them, and tosses it into a conveniently local pile of objects similar to it. Dora then takes 2 minutes out of her wasted time to find the object and put it back in her singing backpack who is in dire need of Paul McCartney or Floetry's lyric writing. Would I recommend it? Speaking as a grown man, this is actually my favorite educational cartoon on TV today. Nearly everything else on Nick Jr. these days is crap. Next Time: Histeria! This show got me through my 8th grade history class. I'm serious. Much Love

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