Sunday, December 12, 2004

Cartoon Chronicles: Educatoon #7

It's chilly outside. So grab a bowl. Well, it's time to do my Christmas shopping. See, I like to start my shopping roughly 10 days before Christmas, and during the middle of the week. Why? Because weekends at the mall are evil, and I swear mall-goers become possessed by Satan himself during the final week before Christmas. I was working in the mall this time last year, and a little old lady shopping in the Disney Store nearly stabbed me to death. Don't believe me? Go to the mall on December 22nd and ask a Toys R Us patron to take a survey. I dare you! Ah, Saturday Night Live. Thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one who noticed Bono from U2 doesn't know how to count. 1-2-3-14, indeed. What's crazier than Mark Hamill playing a robot of questionable sexuality? Nothing! Time Squad It's Go-Time! Don't ask me how, but events in history are undoing themselves. Famous historical figures are behaving out of character, and performing acts that are historically inaccurate. Luckily, the Earth government of the 31st Century has formed Time Squad, a time traveling police force. This show focuses on a Time Squad unit led by Sgt. Buck Tuddrussel. He's very dense, prone to violence, and most likely on steroids. Assigned to accompany him is Larry 3000, a robot built to perform basic diplomatic and translating fuctions, rendered obsolete when the governments of Earth joined as one. Accompanying them is an 8 year old boy named Otto, who they kidnapped from the year 2000. Their job is to go back in time, find someone doing they're not supposed to, and correct it. Sadly, this never works out as planned. Tuddrussel usually ends up beating everyone up, Larry does only what he does best (housekeeping and cooking), and the historical figures themselves appear to be on crack. I can understand if Albert Einstein gave up science for a childhood dream, but he ended up selling used cars in Texas. Luckily, Otto is a history nut who's good at bitching at people until they get it right. While a vast majority of this show was slap-stick comedy/action, they did manage to sneak in a mild history lesson. And by that, I mean Otto would somehow compress Joan of Arc's entire life story into one long, exhausting sentence. Then they'd spend the next 29 minutes of the episode achieving absolutely nothing. Would I recommend it? Maybe. It's not the best cartoon I've ever seen. It's not even the best Cartoon-Cartoon I've seen. It's sort of an acquired taste, but if you like it, you like it. Just don't count on learning much from it. Next Time: Where On Earth Is Carmen Sandiego? She's pretty hot... for a cartoon chick with only half a face. Much Love

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