Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Cartoon Chronicles: Educatoon #8

For those of you curious as to what the lie was in the "Two Truths and a Lie" part of the survey in my last post... I hate spinning rims. Personally, I think they're evil. That's right. EVIL! What kind of self-indulgent asshole would waste their money on wheel rims that keep on going when they car stop? It's like they saw them and went "Oooh, shiny! 20inch wheel thingy go round!" Go out right now and find a car with spinning rims, and tell me those things aren't crafted by Satan himself. Well, it looks like the end of my Cartoon Chronicles... for now. What you're about to read (assuming you don't skip over it) will be the final one of the year. After this, I don't know what to move on to. I'm torn between Cute Things (cute creatures that don't exist in nature, like the Smurfs) and Scray Shhh (cartoons featuring monsters and creepy stuff). Either way, you won't see it until well into January. Until then, you'll have to endure two new features I'm going to write for my blog: Obscure Fanboy Rants of Rage (stuff only other geeks will understand) and This Week In Stupidity (to be announced). For now, let's dive into the final Cartoon Chronicle for the rest of the year... Where On Earth Is Carmen Sandiego? That sneaky, sexy bitch. Meet Zack and Ivy, two detectives working for the (generically named) ACME organization. Yeah, as it turns out, the same organization that sells Wile E. Coyote his faulty gadgets also employ young teenaged detectives to stop convicted felons. Anyway, Zack and Ivy's main goal is to catch the elusive grand-larcenist Carmen Sandiego. Because Carmen is a manipulative bitch who loves to toy around with her persuers, she leaves them clues to her destinations whenever she goes on a crime spree. In fact, most of her crime sprees tend to be connected. If she steals Mozart's piano, her next crime will most likely be to steal some of Bach's sheet music. Yes, I'm aware Mozart was Classical and Bach was Baroque, and that the two forms of music sound almost nothing alike when you compare Baroque music typically consisting of quartets, and Classical using orchestras-- but try to bare with me for humor's sake. Seemingly, the show took place inside of a computer game. Although Zack and Ivy were free to do whatever they wanted, they usually looked directly at your TV screen and told somebody named "Player" to C-5 them to their next destination. This show was a great reference for both geography and history. If Carmen's clues were wooden clog shoes and a picture of Rosie O'Donnell, you had to figure out she was planning steal a dike from Holland. So while the game's player was teleporting our two detectives to Holland, their Chief was giving a quick voice-over of the country's spoken language, sources of international income, hobbies, and turn-ons. Would I recommend it? Yep. It was definitely one of the better cartoons of my generation. Plus they're planning to make a live-action film for 2006. Next Time: Cartoon Chronicles go on a short hiatus. Much Love

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