Monday, April 26, 2004

More Quotes From Work!

Even more assorted quotes said by me and my co-workers. But first, the cast! Me: Kevin, the manic one. Venette: A co-worker of mine. Monica: Another co-worker of mine. Scott: The manager. Brentski: Assistant manager. And let the craziness begin... Me: It says here King Arthur is directed by Antoine Fuqua. Scott: How do you spell that, anyway? Me: F...U... Scott: See, now it already sounds inappropriate. Me: Wow! This is some good-ass sushi! Venette: Did you think I would lie to you? Me: No, but taste is relative. What tastes good to you might not taste good to me. For example, I would never suck a dick. (Venette stares at me) Venette: Me and Kailesha went to the movies. Did you know she's bi? Me: Oh really? Venette: Yeah, but she was hitting on-- get this-- a bunch of girls at the same time. Me: Oh... she's like that. Venette: Yep. She's a playa. Me: Damn. Me: In retrospect, I can see why she offered to do your hair for free. Venette: You don't think...? Me: Braiding your hair for free? Giving you her phone number? That was awfully friendly of her... Monica: My breasts aren't that big. Venette: Please! Your boobs are bigger than mine. What size are those? Monica: Uh... A? (Me, Venette, and Monica laugh) Venette: (poking me) Buy me a soda. Buy me a soda. Buy me a soda. Me: Alright! Fine! Just stop poking me! Venette: That's why I like being a girl. If I were a guy, I'd still be poking you. Me: If you were a guy, I'd have knocked you out by now. Brentski: Good morning, Kevin. Scott: Good morning, Mr. Webb. Me: (mumbling) Yeah, good morning... (pauses) That didn't sound like I meant it, did it? Scott: No. Brentski: No. Monica: Hey, girl! A Friend: (looks at Monica's hair) Aww, my girl got her highlights! Monica: I gotta work right now. I'll talk to you in a minute. (her friend walks away) She's so fake. That bitch. Me: (ordering lunch) I'll have a bag of pretzel bits, a large Sierra Mist, and a Frequent Buyer's Card. Venette: Planning to come back a lot? Me: Yes, as a matter of fact. Old Woman Behind Counter: Oh, he knows! Venette: You're addicted to pretzels. Me: Damn right, I'm addicted to pretzels! I got a Frequent Buyer's Card. Venette: I got food poisoning last night, so I can't drink any coffee. Scott: Kevin, try not to drink your coffee in her face. Me: That would be mean. (sips coffee) Mmmm, mm! Oh yeah, that's good! Me: You know those t-shirts that say "No Fat Chicks"? I got my own idea... a t-shirt that says "No Skinny Bitches." It'll be big! Big women will buy them, men with big women will buy them, men who want a big girl will buy them... Guy From Picture Place: Where's your friend? Me: Monica? Oh she went to lunch... with her engagement ring. Venette: Is lunch over yet? Me: (checks cellphone) Lunch ended 5 minutes ago. Venette: Damn. We gotta go in. Me: Screw that! I'm eating. Me: This is some of the nastiest food I've ever eaten. But it costs over $5, so I'm gonna finish it, anyway. Venette: See! Just like a black man! Cheap. Me: Could you please stop talking about oral sex while I'm drinking my smoothie? Then again, it costed too much for me to throw away... Venette: Just like a black man... Much Love

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