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myOtaku.com: Manic Webb


Wednesday, April 28, 2004


People You Do NOT Pick a Fight with in a Martial Arts Movie


- Old men, especially ones with really long, white beards. The bigger the beard, the bigger the bad ass. If he has an entourage of people just to carry it, run away. This man will hurt you.

- The drunk guy.

- The man that walks with one hand behind his back.

- Cute women. There is a direct correlation between cuteness and martial arts prowess; if it's someone you'd hit on, she'll probably hit you back. Hard.

- Young children, especially ones with funny hairstyles and robes.

- The guy that rarely speaks. If he also happens to keep his hand behind his back, do not incur his wrath. It will not be pretty.

- White guys with English accents, depending on the setting. If it happens to be a period piece and take place before this century, then he is a legit threat. If it's fairly modern, however, then he's probably just a major thug.

- Well-dressed henchmen. They do not like to get their suits dirty, and will whup you good and quick to keep it from happening.

- Anyone playing with a pair of beads. If said individual is the quiet sort that keeps his hand behind his back as well, give him a wide berth. Halfway across the city is acceptable.

- The guy that lives alone in the mountains. His kung fu is quite strong.

- Your teacher's daughter. More than likely she's cute as well, which makes her that much more deadly.

- The Blind Old Man - Can't see a damn thang but knows how to counter and block every single hit & still kick yo' ass.

- The Dude with one limb missing - He can and will whup yo' ass one handed..... or one legged.

- The dude or the cute girl with the extremely long ponytail - You will literally get whipped by the hair, especially if they have a metal band wrapped around it.

- The street orphan taken in by monks. While he has yet to have formal training, he has watched the classes and now knows enuff to kick your ass.

- The man that keeps one hand in his pocket. Very similar to the man who keeps one hand behind his back.

- The scruffy looking guy. This is the bad ass of underworld martial arts. The scruffier the look, the bigger the bad ass.


[This list was collected from Club Ninja.]

Much Love

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