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As I walked into the church I looked up and saw the bridesmaids, Serenity and Mai, the Best Man’s party, Yami Bakura and Tristan (who keep poking each other), standing closest to the Priest Seto are Tea, the Maid of Honor (In Odion‘s suit, which is 20 times too big for her, and Odion, the Best Man, in Tea’s dress, which is 20 times too small for him) with Marik smirking in the middle. Kaiba said ”Fix it!…funny…but fix it!”
*3 minute delay; Tea comes running in with the top of her dress and Odion’s pants *Trips over pants*; Odion walks in with top of suit and Tea’s skirt on, upon which Kaiba sighs, “Close enough. Let’s get this nonsense over with so I can get back to Kaiba Corp. before SOMEONE ELSE takes over…”
*Walking up the aisle with Yami next to me; Mokuba, the Ring Bearer, in front of us, carrying the rings on a pillow; Bakura skipping behind him throwing flower petals and yelling “Yaaay! Wheeeeee!”--until Mokuba tripped him (“Stop that!”).
*Kaiba begins flatly*
We are gathered here today to celebrate one of life's greatest moments, to give recognition to the worth and beauty of love, and to add our best wishes to the words which shall unite Marik Ishtar and Laura *Last name withheld* in marriage.
Should there be anyone who has cause why this couple should not be united in marriage, they must speak now or forever hold their peace. (Little Yugi stands up; Marik growls; Little Yugi sits down)
(The bride is escorted forward)
Who is it that brings this woman to this man? (Yami Yugi-- *Marik glares at him*)
(The Pharaoh gives the bride away. He answers "I do", Yami then steps back and the groom rips her away from him.)
Marik and Laura , life is given to each of us as individuals, and yet we must learn to live together. Love is given to us by our family or by our friends. We learn to love by being loved. Learning to love and living together is one of the greatest challenges of life - and is the shared goal of a married life.
VOWS
Marik, do you take Laura to be your Wife? ("I --(I kick him in shins)--DO!" I whisper: You better…) Do you promise to love and protect and not kill, maim, or mutilate her? (“I--(Kick again)--DOOOO!!!)
Laura, do you take Marik to be your Husband? ("I do!" *Happy and smiley*) Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect him?(“I do!” Marik whispers “you better…”)
(Rings are exchanged-- *Mokuba runs up yelling loudly and brandishing rings and flowers (Kaiba: Remind me to disown you later, Mokuba.); I take my ring nicely; Marik rips it out of Mokuba’s hand; (Mokuba:“Can I have the finger back?“ Marik: “No, I might need this…”)
Repeated Vows & Wedding Rings
"Wedding rings are an outward and visible sign of an inward spiritual grace and the unbroken circle of love, signifying to all the union of this man and this woman in marriage."
I Marik, take thee , Laura to be my Mindsla---*SWAK!!!!*---Wife- to have and to Kill--*SWAK!* hold…, alive or dead--*SWAK!*, and I promise my eternal darkness--*SWAK!*--LOVE to you forevermore.
I Laura , take thee Marik, to be my Husband. To have and to hold, in sickness and in better mental health--*SWAK! By Marik*…ow…and I promise My love to you forevermore.
Marik and Laura, as the two of you come into this marriage uniting you as husband and wife, and as you this day affirm your faith and love for one another, I would ask that you always remember to cherish each other as special and…unique individuals, that you respect the thoughts, ideas and suggestions of one another. Be able to forgive, do not hold grudges unless completely necessary, and live each day that you may share it together and not be laughing over the other’s dead body - as from this day forward you shall be each other's comfort and refuge (God help us…), your marriage strengthened by your love, respect and Millennium Items.
(Kaiba makes speech; Kaiba likes to make speeches)
"Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud. (Marik: Unlike me…)
Love is never haughty or selfish or rude. (Marik: Unlike me…)
Love does not demand it's own way. Love is not irritable or touchy. Love does not hold grudges and will hardly notice when others do it wrong. (Marik: Unlike me…)
Love is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. (Marik: Unlike me…)
If you love someone, you will be loyal to them no matter what the costs. You will always believe in them, always expect the best in them, and will always stand your ground in defending them." (Marik: Like Kaiba…*Kaiba “Thwak!!!!!!“s him*)
Oh Lord-- (Marik: Ra.; Kaiba: You know what I meant!) our hearts are filled with great happiness…and fear… on Marik and Laura's wedding day, as they come before You pledging their hearts and lives (Marik adds: And minds! *SWAK!*) to one another. Grant that they may ever be true and loving, living together in such a way as to never bring shame or heartbreak or death into their marriage. Temper their hearts with kindness and understanding, PLEASE. (Someone; we don’t know who; whacks Kaiba) . Help them to remember to be each other's sweetheart (Marik: Mindslaves--**THWAK!!!*), best friend…(Kaiba mumbles: With friends like that, who needs enemies…*Someone shoves Kaiba off the altar…he takes several minutes, mumbling curses, to get up*) and guide….to the Shadow Realm….*Shove again and a voice from nowhere is heard: “STOP THAT!”), so that together they may meet the cares and problems of life more bravely. And with the passage of time, may they find great contentment in the rich joy of ANCIENT companionship. May the home they are creating today truly be a place of love and harmony, NOT OF SHADOWS AND DEATH (Shove)….where Your dark (THWAK!) Spirit is always present. Bless this marriage we pray they don’t kill us (THWAK!) and walk beside Marik and Laura throughout all of their lives together, short as they may be…(Shove).
(Kaiba: WHO KEEPS SHOVING AND HITTING ME????; (To be revealed at end)
MUSIC
Kaiba: And now we have a wonderful song by Ozzy Osbourne *Ozzy comes in; Marik yells, “HOW DID YOU ESCAPE????”)
Marik and Laura, in so much as the two of you have agreed to live together in Holy Matrimony, have promised your love for each other by these vows, the joining of your hands and the giving of these rings, I now declare you to be (Marik: *Sheepishly* Master and Mindslave?) NO!!!!… Husband and Wife. *Kaiba growls*
Whom Kaiba Corp. hath joined together, let no one put asunder.
Congratulations, you may kiss, not beat, your bride.
*We kissed; Marik tried to bite off my lips; Kaiba whacks him with candle; talks through gritted teeth, ”Be nice.”)
It is my privilege to present to you Mr. & Mrs…God help us…*Shove* Marik Ishtar.
*Bride and groom run out of church, Marik trying not to let rice and flowers touch his body, as they burn; both board the camel, on whose tail Joey and Tristan tied cans and a Just Married sign, and they ride off to the reception---but that’s the next episode; To Be Continued (Don’t ya hate that?)
Oh yeah, we promised to reveal who was shoving Kaiba…
Kaiba: *Still in Church at altar; looks up* WHO WAS SHOVING ME???????
*A voice comes from sky* I told you I’d be back, Seto!
Kaiba: *To self* How does he DO that…? *Points up at nothing* NOAH, YOU’RE NOT MY BROTHER, YOU GREEN-HAIRED FREAK! STOP FOLLOWING ME!!!!!
M2112
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THE WEDDING!!!!!!!! ^-^