Thursday, January 5, 2006

   I finally...

...Wroted something! I worte it last night before I went to bed. Original is from WE 4.1.06 23:50:06, and below this post is Revision TH 5.1.06 8:45:35. It is entitled "The Midnight Murder." Below is only the first installment. I have already started writing the second installment. I guess my talent is writing!


Well, I STILL haven't fixed my forums... they still are broked, and I'm too lazy to fix them. Plus I've been pursuing other ventures in the web design area. (I.e. not my plain old website, but a different one.)

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The Midnight Murder

I awaken in my parents' room. What am I doing here? I stand up and walk out of the corner I was apparently sleeping in. I step in something wet; I can feel it through my now saturated sock. I make a mad dash for the lightswitch. I stare at my parents; they're covered in blood. I utter a strangely tongued word and let out a loud, high-pitched scream.

I run downstairs, hoping that whoever the heck killed my parents is gone. I sprint into the den and head for the recliner. "Sh*t!" I curse out loud. The phone is gone. Instead of searching through the ransacked house, I run for the phone in my parents' room. I cast my gaze upon them sadly. Whoever did this is gonna pay! Big time!

I pluck the handset off the receiver. As I move the handset up to my ear, I hear nothing. No dial tone at all. I follow the cord from the receiver. It's been cut. I quickly take the handset and the remaining frayed cord with me to the den. I rip the cord out of the cordless's base and shove the RJ-11 plug into the receiver. Nothing. The phones are dead. I sit for a few minutes before I let out another long, loud, high-pitched scream. A scream of terror. A scream for help.

Suddenly, it dawns on me. The cell phone! I run for my dad's sock drawer. I push in the power button and shake it violently while it runs its startup sequence. I quickly punch three digits. 9-1-1. Send.

"911. What's your emergency?" I start quickly, "Help! My parents--" the phone beeps and dies. "F*CK YOU!" I scream a curse as I throw the old phone at the window. They'll never come. They can't tell I called from here. There's no GPS chip in that phone.

I sit and cry in the 3 A.M. darkness. I've been cut off. The phone beeps it's final beeps in the corner. I cry harder as I go downstairs to look at photo albums. Tears fall on the plastic page guards as I look back at the past 14 years in photos. My first steps. My first birthday. Their anniversaries. I slowly sift through the pile of scrapbooks. I finally reach the last book. It's small and leather-bound, covered in velvet. Engraved in the cover in gold lettering is a strange name. I can't take the pain anymore. I cast them aside and cry the hardest i've ever cried in my life. I'm alone. For good.

This story © Matt3402, 2006. All characters and events fictional in basis.

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Wednesday, December 28, 2005

   In the holiday dumpy-blehs

Yeah. I'm not feeling so hot right now. Maybe because:
A) I feel obligated to tell my girlfriend my secret.
B) I miss my girlfriend!
C) I have nearly no money again.
D) I have 15 million things to do.
E) "him". Need I say more?
F) I still can't get into that story!
G) I'm tired!
H) I'm Bored!
I) I've been listening to semi drepressing music.
J) I WANT TO SCREAM!!!!
K) I want to blurt out my secret.
L) I feel like no one listens to what I have to say.
M) I feel like people think that just because I don't remember that I don't care.
N) "him" again...
...) "
ZZ) "

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Ugh. That's about all I can say. I have so much I have to do that I'm getting pissed at it all. I just want to be like the computer and when it gets too full of stuff to print, it just purges the queue. I guess I'm lucky I'm even posting here. I really feel like crap right now. I'm exhausted, but I'm not tired. I'm bored yet I'm actively doing something. I have soo many things to do that I don't have time to prioritize. I know that I have to deal with "him" first, because he don't leave! Then I have my other commitements, things I said I would do, and things I want to do. I think I got DDR killed...

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I'm gonna hope that it's all just a really temporary situation I'm in here. I hate feeling like this. THIS HAD BETTER CLEAR UP BEFORE MONDAY! Even sooner, I hope... I don't want to be this ticked. I don't want to snap like I did on my ex-"friends" after Matt S. killed himself. I thought I handled this yearly, not every two months. Maybe I'm just upset in the head here. I already knew that I was, but perhaps I need to get help or something. This isn't normal for me.

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The only other explanation for this all would be that something big and bad is happening/has happened/will be happening. Something that affects me rather personally. It may just be a serious case of the "WTF?!? Am I really a __________? Even if I am, how sure am I? How do I know I'm actually a ________ and not something else?" 's. (IOW, the doubts...)

I dunno. All I know is this sucks. I should do something, but I don't trust anyone enough anymore. I barely trust paper anymore, because it's a permanent record of what I feel and if it gets in the wrong hands, I could be exposed. That would REALLY SUCK! Years of keeping up the pretty siding to keep the ugly insides from being seen by the neighbors.

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Maybe I should be seriously questioning my mental state here. I don't know. This like three years ago, but less severe thus far. It may end up into another time where I separate myself from everyone as much as possible. I'm just so messed up inside right now. I don't even know 2/3 of what I'm typing. I could be exposing secret after secret and then that would be so uncool. I have reasons I hide everything I hide. If it's unusual or even _________, I hide it. Everything from __________ to __________. Then I feel like "he" is in my head and bothering me and I can't tell what he wants anymore. It can't be those forums... i went there... I ain't going back for at least 8 hrs. Then I have all the issues that I had last time I had the breakdown. I still can't do anything well (other than not die) and I have next to no talent... I'm pretty much useless. I'm having something like a mid-teens crisis i guess. I;m nearly there at least. Maybe not uer, but I will be soon.

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I need someone who cares right now. Even if I won't let you understand, just let me know you care. Please? Any way you can get at me. MSN, Email. I just need an outlet. like "writing".

(It must be those forums... peoples' names are being typed involuntarily!).

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Anyone who reads this, please don't send those guys in white coats. I'm not that bad. I'm just in a bad mood. Bad times for me. I'll hopefully be out of this soon. Maybe if I'm lucky, the reason that I think that "he" wants me to go to bed is because I may actually dream tonight. I hope so. It's been about 5 days since I had dreamed last, and that one was a mundane day of school. I just want to make it be over with. I want to be out of here. I want something nice. I want privacy, I want people and things I can trust. I just feel like I can't trust anyone. I feel like "he" should have kept being called "he" so that one more confused and worried person can stare at this and hope the best for me. I'm just glad that i'm not being self-destructive or in any means physically harmed. I don't want you all to be too worried about me. I'll be fine. I think...

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And I hate doing this too. I hate sitting here complaining to you all. I'd rather be complained to than do complaining. I like to be the understanding person who tries to help even if I can't do anything anyways. Sometimes I wish I could just _________ and run away for a few days. But I can't. It's impossible to ___________. And I feel like just screaming every curse word I know at the top of my lungs then run around wherever I feel like. I WANT TO BE FREE. I don't want to have to deal with the commitments I have made. I just want to purge my printjob queue and sit in silence. If I were a computer, I've been on too long. I need a rest from life. I just need to be released. If even for a while. And then there are issues even deeper tham I can explain, let alone understand. High school is not the most fun years of school. So far, 6-9 have all sucked big time. 'Cause all I could do for the longest time was be confused. I didn't know what the heck was going on. I was really lost. Thank god I actually had time then to sit and think. I didn't have a website or 8 to maintain, and I didn't have much else to do anyways.

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Well, it's three in the morning and I feel bad I've been dumping all these issues on you. I just want to get it off my shoulders. Although all I did was bring it up so that I can end up taking it all back in. Back to square 1. so,

Seeya'll later. I hope.

P.S. Don't worry about me too much. Suicide is not cool with me, and I'm not cutting myself or anything like that. I'm just REALLY down right now. So just move on and maybe keep me in your thoughts. I hopefully will be way over this by the time I come back to check my site. (Which, sadly, myy not be untill after the new year...)

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Friday, December 23, 2005

   Things are looking grim this Christmas Eve Eve...

I lost the passwords to a partially developed story, and now it's taking forever and a day for the cracking software to open the sesame seed that Word put it in. But then it doesn't help that my PC is really old and has a really slow processor. So while I let the MAIN key search, IBM here is the only activible computer (for two hours at a time...). At last stat check for the key-cracker read as so:
Current Position: 0%
Keys tried: ^43,529,000 / _2⁴⁰
Average Keys/Sec: 17009
Est. Time¹: 648d:21h:18m
¹This estimate is supposing it needs to execute 100%.

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Yeah. I get to watch the little status bar change every ~1 second. Fun. I should have written those passwords down. That would have saved me days worth of waiting... Literally. Plus then I might have had a story for you all. (Maybe. Depends on who all goes here. :P) Anyways, I'm bored to death and there is nothing I can do about it, because I need that file to be openable and editable.

You may ask, "Why doesn't he just guess the password?" Well, I did. But there is nothing that comes to mind that will make word open the file so that I can work with it. It always says that I entered the wrong password and then closes the windo that was trying to open it. I just hope that this one freeware cracker can get it open. I REALLY NEED THAT FILE!

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On a lighter note... My girlfriend called me today! We talked for like an hour. It was entertaining. My sister "locked me in" the area under my top bunk while I was on the phone. Then she proceded to throw things at me around the sheet that covers the entrance. What a weird day.

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I should probably leave this site so I can act like I'm not bored with watching this software run it's course.

Seeya!

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Monday, December 19, 2005

What rating is your journal?
brought to you by Quizilla

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Sunday, December 4, 2005

¿Quién estamos loco por?

Claro, ¡Justo!
En inglés: Who are we crazy for? Clearly, Justo!

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Yay! I goed to Justo Lamas's yesterday (Friday)! It was lots of fun. I took a ton of really blurry pictures that I can't clear up because I don't have that nice software like the people on CSI do... If I did I'd have tons of pictures where you can see something. I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN MY DAD'S DIGITAL CAMERA! IT HAS OPTICAL ZOOM! Mine has dorky digital zoom. That's what I get for $100 i guess. a 2.1 MP 4x DZ POC... Oh well, I guess then next time Justo is in concert here I HAVE TO GO!!!!!! And steal my dad's camera before the event. *evil face* =O Justo touched me! And I have a picture of him and me together. That's the only picture where you can actaully see anything. I HAVE TO HAVE JUSTO'S OTHER CD, "EN VIVO"!!!! It has all the coolest songs. :) JUSTO SIGNED MY CD! IT'S WORTH MORE NOW! YAY!!! MORE MONEY FOR A $10 CD! WHEEEEEEE!!!

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In case you don't know of this Justo i keep talking about, he is a rather famous, Argentinian singer. He sings in spanish and most of his concerts are for schools and their spanish students. He has a few CD's, 5, i think. He has long hair and someone said in a review that he is "hot and an excelent singer."

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My computer is being weird... FireFox keeps popping up the search document bar, and half of the keyboard isn't working. (Arrow keys, Ins, Homme, End, Del, Pg. Up, Pg. Dn) It's really annoying, because I like those buttons. Especially the Home & End buttons, because I mess up a lot and need to get from start to end of a line faster. So now I have to watch it closer as i type and catch it all. And then the stupid FF search bar keeps popping up! It makes it stop typing in the post compo box! It makes me feel like the MSN smiley for :@. (Muy enfadado! (Very Mad!))

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In case you haven't noticed, I'm hyper and angry and headachey. I've been listening to music too long. (Which reminds me...) Hyper because I've been out of the house all day (somehow makes me hyper...?) and we had nothing home-cooked. O_o And we boughted stuff and broke the car. (More on that later.)

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(like now...)
Well, we broke the car. When we were going out to Village Inn, we hit an ice patch at the curve and our prettiful new car went careening into the curb and slammed into the drainage inlet and knocked our steering off-line and probably broke one of the "steering ties" in the front tires. My dad also says he thinks it misaligned the front axel too. Now to go straight, ythe wheel has to be a quarter turn to the left and the steering is jerky. Then we messed up that extra metal under the doors and the rims of the front-right tire. Thank god no one got hurt or nothing really bad happened... I'd like die if I spent christams in the hospital. lol (which reminds me again...)

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I buyeded a new CD! I bought the Mannheim Steamroller "Christmas Celebration" CD. Now I have 4 CD's that I frequently listen to. Anna Nalick (Wreck of the day), Alanis Morissette (Jagged Little Pill), Justo (Vida Nueva), and Mannheim Steamroller (Christmas Celebration). Now if only I could get to know enough spanish to understand eveything Justo is saying!

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Now to find something to occupy the time from now until some odd hour of the night...

Seeya!

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Friday, November 18, 2005

How the heck...

...Do you pluralize "stylus"? Good question. I seek the answer... Stylae looks weird and styluses makes me want to repeat the ending "es" 500 times.

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I've gotten terrible about posting. Last night/yesterday/today/this night I have a sore throat and somewhat runny nose. I sure hope i'm not coming down w/ something! I wouldn't want to miss a single day of school. My plan is to not miss a single day of school all four high school years. So far, so good. :)

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That reminds me.... if ANYONE has an ad for tobacco products, I NEED IT! I have a homework assignment to revamp one to go against the company and backfire them. If you have one PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE scan and email it to me. I desperately need it! thanks.

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Anywhoo, I've been planning on actually writing stuff now. Something at least. I haven't got anything written for you yet, but I may eventually. "One-Pagers" are my specialty, so you'll be getting shorter stories. :)

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I should finish up my christmas list here. I have a lots of stuffs that I want and I still need to finish! Here's a few things I want:

• HP iPaq rx1955 (instead of an iPod)
• A bunch of CD's.
• A Laptop for me
• A MIDI kit for the computer
• Keyboard/Piano lessons (So I can actually learn to play!)

Cool, eh? There's more I want to, but I don't know precisely what it is. :P

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Well, I should probably get back to finishing my christmas list!

Seeya!

EDIT: If you're interested in helping me test out REF for any bugs (OTHER than appearance...), go ahead and head over there and then email me w/ the results. REF is Here!

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Sunday, November 13, 2005

I'm good....

*dances badly and breaks things* I'm good, i'm good, i'm good...

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I finally gotted stuff working! I made my own dictionary for my one script, and I even have database stuffs going on! Whee! Now all I need to do is fix the whatchajiggy...

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Well, I have now gotted WindowsBlinds on this beast, but not a real version. the "trial" of it. It's really cool. I also worked on my desktop and now it can play music! :O

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Now that I have PHP working (yay!) I can actually do things with it other than curse at it! @_@ Of course, it would have been 3x easier if I had gotten a PHP 4.3.11 book rather than a 5.0... Oh well, i'm FINALLY getting things working!

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I'm blabbery and hyper but I don't know what I want to post about, so I'll post about not knowing what to post about...

Not knowing what to post about is both fun and not fun... It's fun because you can sit there and blab till your mouth falls off, but it sucks because you don't know then. I post when I have slight ideas as to what to post about (notice the lack of frequent post-age), and I still end up like this, blabbering about lots of pointless things that make sense in my head, but likely nowhere else. Cheese is good. I'm weird. I'm hyper. I have a picture of a really hyper kitty that bounces around on the little frame in MSN, but I don't have it here. This is already off subject... I like elipises... see... elipsises... lol i say that a lot, lol. lol that and lmao and stuff like that. this is pointless, I should shut up. Wow, i'm not looking at the keyboard that much and i'm still typing accurately...interesting. i can't spell for beans... cause I prefer the steak. lol that's great. i'm making maybe the longest pointless post i've eve made. i've read the longest sentence known to man, but I forgot it. Conficuis's name is hard to spell sometimes. Confucuis said lots of things, and I can't remember any... i don't even know if I spelled his name right. this is a huge paragraph... i hate the letter E because it's too common. I like the letter X because it's X-ccentric... lol hahahahahaha... get it? lol i should shut up now... but I don't feel like it. I'm still typing really slow and stuff. I think while I write my stories, but only if i'm writing on the computer. computers are soo cool. i know things. you do too. it'd really quiet here. I have a headache... my eye itches. this is really stupid... is anyone even still reading this? i know i'm not... lol i kinda have to, don't i? i know i'm still reading this then... well, i'm getting tired perhaps I should shut up and go away...

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*blinks and looks at you then runs away like he has a short attention span*

EDIT!!!: REF is officially done now. All the stuff it needs to do are up. Now I'm going to bed! @_@

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Friday, October 21, 2005

I got bored...

Tell you something new, eh?

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A pretty picture! I got that from GoogleEarth thing. Rather old. We don't have the black shingles or the old car at the curb. =P

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Not much to post about. Same old, same old. Went to P-T conferences, got all A's except a couple of B's. My GPA is 5.0. :) Good Old advanced classes! :):):):):):)

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lol... too many ":)"

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Well, less babbling now...

Seeya!

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Sunday, October 16, 2005

A lyric song/poem thingy.

I don't know what I want to title this, but the *'s are chorus markers. :)

Two weeks ago we started going out.
I was happy, beyond a doubt.

I opened up and told you me.
Now it seems we weren't meant to be.

*So do what you will.
Don't let me be why we aren't together.
I'll hate myself as some love thrill.
But you'll weather.

I told you how I am.
I Don't know if you understand.

But trust me.
In time you'll see.

I can supress this.
I can make this right.

*

The storms inside intensify.
I don't know if I can take this.
Nothing in the world can justify,
the spitefull voice's hiss.

Now know i wrote this just for you.
my thought process is not askew.

Confused, knowing, you could be either.
But the email's gentle, threatening demeanor
caused me to be however sad.
Without your meaning to sound so bad.

*

The storms inside intensify,
Not caring if I can take this.
I still can't justify
this angry, happy, confused bliss.

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Well, I have been bored out of my mind these past couple days. Feeling odd again. Still not sure why.... Maybe it has to do with my secret. Which reminds me, if anyone still cares to know and doesn't know, you must comment or I will not post the letters at all.

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So yeah. I'm being yelled ad to go to bed, so perhaps I should do that!
Night night all!

Seeya

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