Wednesday, December 1, 2004

Hey...

whats up....I dont know what good it does me talking about my problems on this site but you guys are my friends so i juess it hellps to know that ppl care (sigh)OK..here it goes I know that my situation is most likely not unique except for the way I grew up, which effect my decisions today. Just a sec... *lights cigarette* Ahhh yeah, this will help. Anyway, *blows puff of smoke* I'm nineteen and just got out of high school last school year. Due to some shit with my family and friends, I didn't care about school and fucked off during classes. And now I find myself living with my mom and a 4 month period of being un-employed after being fired from a decent job. And as you all know because of my uncaring attitude in school, I'm not a good speller or a good writer. I basically have no skills other than martial arts and welding. But keep in mind that I am not certified in welding so I cannot get a job doing that. I don't have the money nor do my parents to put me through college, and I am currently stuck in a dead-end job at Sonic, making $5.75/hour and putting in about 20 hours per week. Most of the money I make goes to paying off medical bills (which I am being sued for by the State) which I got from having no health insurance because I lost mine when I turned 18 and my ulcers caused by stress which needed to be fixed (and are not getting any better mind you). I am feeling alone, depressed and during the past few days I have been having recurring thoughts of suicide, which I thought were over. Before you start thinking that I am a person who needs serious mental help, the reason for these thoughts is that my mom has been having financial problems as it is and she has been having to pay my car insurance for me (which is about $180/month) and I'm just feeling like I am just a burdon on everyone and not of any help and the only way to stop that is to not be around anymore. I know that is not the right answer, but I don't think anyone can blame me for feeling that way. So... there you go. There is MY (just like the song) "World So Cold". I don't think I ever expressed this much on this site before. At least not in detail. Any suggestions or thoughts would be greatly appreciated because I honestly don't like feeling this way. I just do when shit hits the fan. On a lighter note, I'd like to thank some of my friends on this site for always being there for me. If I forgot one of you, don't take it personally, I just forgot your username. VampireMage666: Thanks for your happy attitude and humor. It lightens up my life a little bit. And I look forward to your continued friendship. SailorFirestar: I'd like to chat with you on MSN sometime, cause I'd like to get to know you better. You're one of the nicest people I have ever met. Wolf of Darkstar: One of the few people who takes precious time out of their day to comment on each of my posts when I post them and who I honestly share some of the same views with. And for all of my brothers: I think you all know the "reasons" No One, Tenchi Kumori, Ichiro, and Wulf And to my sister Lady Kumori: You have been an inspiration in my life and a symbol of strength and courage for me and I just want you to know that. And to everyone else: Thanks! I will check this post regularly, but will keep it up for a few days. Thanks again, See Ya!!!

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