Wednesday, April 19, 2006

   Sometimes we have to give up the ones we love.
My avatar has a real meaning to it. That's a picture of my first love Matsutsu. We meet in 2004, dated in 2005 for about 2 months, and are still friends to this day. I know that 2 months isn't that big of a deal, but I had serious feelings for him the first time that I'd ever met him. He was my best friend, my lover, and my hero. He stopped me from killing myself. He was there for me. He made me so happy. We had to break up b/c he was about 2 start going 2 high school & I was about 2 start the 7th grade, & some rumors were going around & I get pissed off & we got into a huge arguement & the next day he broke up w/me. We still liked each other & I didn't get over him until it had been 6 months that we'd been broken up. He vandilized the school I go 2, got caught, was thrown out of school, went suicidal, cut himself all the time, went to a mental hospital, & he got out in like January. I was so worried about him. Everytime I hear people talking smack about him I chew them out, even if it's Jake.
Matsutsu is one of my dearest friends, but he had a mistake. A couple of months ago he kissed me & I didn't stop him. I felt like I was cheating on Jake, so the next day I told Jake. Jake already hated Matsutsu, so that just made it worse. After that Matsutsu was always there. I went to the movies with 7 guys [it was for my friend Johnny's b-day & all those guys are my close friends] & Matsutsu was there & Jake wasn't. I'm such a bitch because even though my boyfriend for half a year hates my ex I still hung out with the guy. It really started to bother Jake, so I told him that I'd stop hanging out w/Matsutsu. Matsutsu kept on telling me that he loved me & I told him that I loved Jake so we stopped talking for a while. Matsutsu called me last week & said that he was going 2 come see me. I told Jake. Well, Matsutsu picked a bad day to come over 'cuz that day Jake was over. Man, was it awkward! We sat there for about 30 minutes w/nobody talking & Jake was glaring at him the whole time! When Matsutsu went outside to call his mom I talked 2 Jake & I promised him that I'd tell Matsutsu that I can't hang out with him anymore. And so I did. =.(



The point of this is that Matsutsu is very important to me & I and to let him go to make some one else happy.
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Monday, April 3, 2006

   I LURVE MY JAKE-KUN!!!!!!!!!!!
My Jake-Kun is the greatest thing EVER!!!!!! I love him so much!!!!!!!! WE've been dating for 6 months straight & I don't think there's any1 else in the world I'd rather be with. I love his dark hair, brown eyes, slightly muscular body, tallness, mystery, shyness, smile, sense of humor, his attitude, and all his many freckles! I love him so freakin' much!!!!!!! I want the whole world to know that I'm in love with Jake Bebout!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love how he makes me feel like the rest of the world doesn't matter. He always makes me smile, even when he's not trying to be funny. He's just so sweet and almost innocent!- like a puppy dog- lol! I love him!!!!!!!
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   ???
I friggin' hate my mom!
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Sunday, March 26, 2006

   pot ruins lives!!!
OMFG I AM SO PISSED OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm super against drugs, pot, alchol, cigs, etc. but most of my friends are potheads. They all know I hate it & that I will NEVER do it. I f***ing hate it 'cuz no one respects me. Every1 gives me a hard time because my Jake used to be a pothead. Jake used to be really messed up but he got better. Well yesterday Jake told me his secret that he had been from me for a while. He started smokin' pot & cigs again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you know how much that hurt me?????????????? He PROMISED me that he quit. In fact, we even made a pact, I don't hang out w/ Matsutsu [an ex-bf who tried 2 get me 2 cheat on Jake. He also just got out of a mental hospital] and Jake doesn't do any of that crap! He lied to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not mad @ him, I'm just really disappointed. In 1 week we'll be dating for 6 months, that's half a year!!! I even more mad at myself for trying to change him!!!!! When we first met I knew he was a pothead & I tried to change him by making him quit. I hate myself. Now he feels like shit and so do I. He's the last person I ever want to upset. I love him for who he is and not who I want him to be!!!!!! I HATE POT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I fucking hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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