Wednesday, June 30, 2004

   8 am and couldn't be happier
*wanders around doing random happy dance* i think it is the happy music my speakers are blasting out. *dancing again* weee.... omg omg have to tell you mom and daddy made us try and have a nice family dinner last night. it was a total bust. hahaha myt family at one table talking nice and eating yeah and hell is luaghing and snowball fights. we get along like oil and water when we are all together that is why we don't stay in the same rooms at get togethers. *doing another happy dance* weeee.... ok so some of you want to read some of my stories tell me what you want i will get as close to it as i have or might even make uo some more. but i warn you i get distacted easy and tend not to finish things. oh oh and you have to tell me what you think the easiest way for you to read them would be. one more happy dance and thin i'm done everyone join in *happily dances in circle with everyone* weeee....
Comments (1) | Permalink

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

   hemmm....
my happy day went down the drain faster then i thought anything could move. damn my family sucks. normally i am in total control of everyone of my feeling but today has been so frustrating that i caught myself screaming at nothing that i was going to start killing. my brother says i was really loud to. suprising my parents have said nothing about it. i mean i get yelled at when i call justin a loser and am joking how can they not say anything now. well i guess that it is a good thing the said nothing. man i need a stress ball or a punching bag or maybe something to disect would be good. that fuzzy feeling that i had a few days ago is back but now it is more of a squeezing clawing feeling. not as happy as before. i think at this moment it is my stomache saying igf i puss down anymore rage it or i am going to explode.-_-**
Comments (2) | Permalink

   yea....
i got a letter back from columbia college. it is one of the top two i want now both my tops have replied. i also found really close to what i want as my music and i got it on myotaku. today is proving to be a good day. hehe no one will be abole to kick me off the computer cause they don't know one that i stayed up and two that the phone line is running directly to my computer. oh what a good day today will be.
Comments (2) | Permalink

   morning world
slept all day monday. kind of upset with myself for cutting my walk in half but i was hungry and didn't want to deal eith some dogs.now i again sit on my lazy bum. at the moment i am eating breakfast which i think i woke everyone up to make. hehe.. to bad for them. at this moment i feel i should expain my sleeping to you all. I AM AN INSOMNIAC. unless totally sleepy or drained i have a very hard time falling to sleep and when i do i have a hard time totally waking up. paired with the fact that i am by nature a light sleeper and a night person my sleeping habits a strange.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Monday, June 28, 2004

   sleep
no walk today. i was unable to sleep cause of this weird butterfly-y feeling around my heart. man it sucked like i wanted to go run through the yard or like some was trying to contact me. was freaky and wouldn't go away. so i used the computer and tv and cd player to destract myself. still not gone away but if i get much sleepier i don't the feeling will matter. i might just lay back in my chair and fall asleep. -_-
Comments (1) | Permalink

   killing slowly
at this time i have the urge to track my brothers friends down and slowly bleed them to death. i swear that if i am forced off the computer by them one more time i will. and i don't plan on tracking them the hard way i plan on torchoring my brother into telling me after all seeing as they are his friends it is only fa\ir he suffers as well. as it is i have disconected the phone line from everything and plugged the wall jack up directly to my computer. and as much as i love my brother sometimes he can go #*&% himself.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Sunday, June 27, 2004

switching
finally i am slowly getting my days and nights back in the right order. now maybe i won't die when school starts. although to acomplish this i have been doing alot of sleeping. oh well it is not like i have anything important to do anyway. everyone has a job. i feel so alone and left out. and as for my brother and my own game money we would have alot if my bro. put in as much as he took out. he has at this point removed all that he has put in. and it was his ideal to start. humm..
Comments (2) | Permalink

Friday, June 25, 2004

   T___T wah....... T___T
*sniff sniff* my computer is messing up agian T___T wah.... so not fair. going so slow *sniff* WORK YOU STUPID PIECE OF CRAP. that prbable won't help but eh. daddy says you have to be nice to things for them to work but i want it to work now and being knid wasn't working T___T wah....T___T
Comments (0) | Permalink

   umm.... yeah....
you all have to ignore the second post i was just venting which i normally do on my walks but was unable to do today due to rain. i put on some old clothes sat down in the rain and talked to everything alive (aka nature the sky ect.) and then reverted a few yrs and ended up playing in puddles and the after a long bubble bath which i played in aswell and moved the razor away from my meditation stuff and my bed to get its bad ki away from me and now i am totally goo. and my hand has stopped burning.
Comments (0) | Permalink

   help
ok i rally need some help here. my knuckles have been burning for a while now. there is nothing that i can tell is wrong with them except the burning feeling. it feels like when you stick your hand in scalding hot water. i thought that hey since it feels like it is burning runso hot water over them. so i went into the bathroom and sat down on the floor. i ran water over my hand and it didn feel better for a little while. but i had to stop because i kept getting the urge to cut and watch the water turn red. i am trying as hard a i can to get ride of these feeling and just when i thibk i won they come back i have managed to get ride of two razors and a scalpal by having my brother hide them but i have one with my meditation stuff i can't seem to let go of. i haven't done anything in such a long time and i really don't want to but there is always that bagging urge. god someone help.
Comments (0) | Permalink