Tuesday, June 7, 2005

   how do you know when true love is really true?

i love you alex i know that yours is real. i want to be with you and you make me truely happy just talking with you. but what about what others feel. how can one then one person love the same person? some of my best friends have decided that they loved me. one i told me that he he liked being out with me and that he loved my looks and attitude and that he wants to date me and to have sex with me, that he may in time really truely love me. one thinks that it is true love that he feels for me right now, that he wants to spend every waking hour with me that he wants to sleep with me and eat with me and talk with me and just do everything with me, and i know he wants to have sex with me as well. now the third has a girlfriend and is at the moment spending all his time with her and avoiding me but he told his friend that he has always had a crush on me and that he still does but he is dating others that's just not right so he is totally messed up. then there is my ex. i haven't talked to him since december and now he is contacting me telling me he still loves me and he's sorry for all the bad things he did to me in the past but that he wants to be with me now. and the girl that i says she loves me and i know she does but in her own special way more like friend love, with her it's simple she just wants to sleep together her i can just tell no and she will be fine with things. but right now i love alex and i don't want to have eveyone else love me and i don't want to be with them. but i also don't want to hurt them. and i don't want to lose them. i just don't know what to do. i guess until i figure it out i may just avoid them all. the boys won't like me avoiding them and they won't like that te other like me and i know and they won't like me talking to the others and i know they will be furious when i do figure out what to do. i hate this T~T why can't things all be good. i was happy why do they have to tell me this stuff when i had everything all figured out when i was content with my life as it was. i hate them for this... yet i love them they are my friends......... *cries*

Comments (2) | Permalink

Monday, June 6, 2005

i started today at 10 with some hot chocolate. i hung out with some friends and played on the computer. then they all got hungry and so we went upstair and i decided that we would all get some food togeater and go on a picnic. i got to tackle and tickle and tease them all then we ate and talked and hung out some more. came back to my place crashed on my bed and watched movies. then we played video games and after a while went out and washed one of the cars. i played in the water of course but how could anyone expect me not to? then i came home watched a horror movie with my brother and ate. and now i am talking toppl online and about to fall asleep but still has to do the dishes... evil dishes.... dumb dish day... T~T oh well... *tackles and hugs you all*

Comments (2) | Permalink

Sunday, June 5, 2005

   ....... fwee?

2 am... the night is still young..... there is still much mischief to be done... i just ogt hiome not that long ago form my bf's house. i was supposed to have been back by 11 but oh well, then of course that what time his parents wanted mine never even know i had left. we slept together today..... no we just slept in the smae bed perverts...... after and anime fest he attacked me aka tickled me so i attacked him back aka attacked him back so by time we had done that we were both pooed and just took a quick nap. err... at least i tried to i don't sleep well with ppl. he slept though which is odd cause you can't even get him to sleep normally so yeah... i talented. and i would tell you all this other cool stuff but because it is 2 watching myself type is like hypontising me... i know spelling... anyway if i don't stop im'm going to pass out or end up really alot weirder then i am. night. *crashes*

Comments (0) | Permalink

Friday, June 3, 2005

   ........................... *jumps around*

why are you people not up. i mean come on it's almost 5.... i know people that claim to get up at 5 for like school and stuff and well get up. nah... fine... XP heres the deal i can't sleep i'm totally wake cause i am totally an insomnica i know i spelled that wrong. and then no one is going to do anything with me so i have woken up my whole house so that they could keep me entertained and now we are off to watch a movie in my parents room. last action hero yay.

Comments (1) | Permalink

Thursday, June 2, 2005

   a new day

nothing happened today that i really feel like ranting about just cause ppl were confused by the brother burning his leg thing he ws burning the strings off his jeans and they caught on fire. i got better around noon. took a shower watched tv with my brother played on the computer and played with alexander....happy? anyway i umm am talking to my firneds right now should sleep soon. derreck promised to call me tomorrow. yeah i'm using names know cause the boys were whinnning "how come you don't ever talk about me" so there now i am.can't think of anything else. night all.

Comments (1) | Permalink

Wednesday, June 1, 2005

ok ok

my week so far why caus i'm a ditz and has been having a hard time sitting still long enough to do it a day at a time. right now i am totally not able to focus... darn evil happy music..... i didn't mean it i love you happy music i'm sorry... T-T. anyway lets see on sunday i sat down on the computer with 2 of my boys and tried to figure out how to spend all day with them but not have them have to spend time with each other. why can't all my boys just get along *sighs and rolls eyes* anyway what i came up with was one got the day and the other the night. then that plan got smashed when i couldn't the first on to leave and the second had already made it home by then. then i couldn't really do anything about it cause i had to watch over my brother who caught his leg on fire and so i've had to nurse maid him. tuesday i planned on bugging philloip how just got a job at my taco bell but he wouldn't let me and i got sick so i couldn't anyway. my guys came over to make me feel better one stayed from like 4:30 to 8ish then he couldn't take it and went home the other got here at 6ish and ten when the other left he took me out off roading and to sit by a lake. in hind sight i should have told him i couldn't that i was sick cause by time i got back at like 10:30 i had a really bad fever. he apologized and spent some more time with me telling me jokes and in general trying to make me fel better. when he left i called up the other to talk cause neither trusts the other to not do anything pervert to me so i have to check in with them so the aren't all upset and stuff. and i bet that is onger then i thought it was. ok so now all my ppl *glomps* *hugs* bye bye.

Comments (1) | Permalink

Monday, May 30, 2005

   ......

>oh my good i'm going to die. it's late and i have not time to really get any type of info in. just read back about my week and i will tell you why i'm going to die like tomorrow or something.

Comments (0) | Permalink

Saturday, May 28, 2005

   uhh.... most my week?

so i didn't know what to title it. i know neglection of the journal..... bad memaki. i have been using my other journal sites though.. kinda. lets see.... saturday last i graduated hight school, sunday i had a party throw by my sister withmy family and friends and presents, monday was a girls day out where me and alot of my girls went out and takled over pizza, tuesday was a guys day out where some of my guys came over and we had chinese and watched sideways... or part of it, wednesday i forget, thursday i was out porn shopping with my girlfriends, and friday i spent out on the town at nightfall, a music thing. and no today some of my guys are supposed to wisk me away to i don't know where and we are supposed to hang out. not counting on that one. in all likelyhoods i will go over to his house and help his mom make him clean. and then have fun washing the car. welp that was my week now i'm hungry so.... to my ramen.. and tea.

Comments (0) | Permalink

Friday, May 27, 2005

   YAYNES!!!!!!!!!!!

ok so it is 10 in the morning and i know that normal ppl are awke and stuff by now but i am in no way normal. it feels weird being up.... besides if normal ppl are up where is everyone. things i learned the old guys will treat you weird when they find you in a porn store, anyguy will talk to you when you and 3 other girls wander about the park ina bikini top and my tummy ache was cause i was hungry. ^^;; yeah the last one should have been obvious but eh... i just got home form a sleep over with a friend. she used to live nextdoor but moved the other saturday so now we can't just go to each others house. today i am going to go to a music festival thing down town because i wanted tp dp spmething speffy were i could wear my new dresses cause they are cute.ummm.... there was something else..... but i forget. oh and wanted to tell you all that you make me happy *hugs all* YAY!!!.... i figured out what it was i got ahold of one of my old friends that i lost.... he said sorry and i'm still loved that he was not going to get lost again ^^;; kinda remembered after i added the post yay for modifying. i just went to use my hotdog as a mouse opps.... still loves you all.

Comments (0) | Permalink

Sunday, May 22, 2005

   party time!!!

yes go me! go me! anyway if you can't tell i am listening to some really happy music, or at least in my mind it is happpy music. my sister is throwing me a party which rock. i also have gifts, which also rocks. i couldn' get all my friends to come cause it was suck short notice but i got the main ones. today is my 4 month anversary and i looks cute. today better be a good day.... oh well off to my waffles.

Comments (3) | Permalink