myOtaku.com: Memaki

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1987-04-07
Gender
• Female
Location
• usa
Member Since
• 2003-11-20
Occupation
• student
Real Name
• ash

Personal

Achievements
• made it to senior year!!!!
Anime Fan Since
• 1995
Favorite Anime
• my first i guess sailor moon
Goals
• become rich and loved
Hobbies
• drawling and writing
Talents
• can draw alittle and write really good stories

myOtaku.com: Memaki

Thursday, October 14, 2004

a demented free verse 2

a warnig evilness within.... again not for the weak or naive

The need to hear the screams of other and to see the beautiful red blood slowly roll down from the narrow cut from my blade is all that I crave. The want so hard to handle. The taste so irresistible. To feel and taste the sweet red nectar on my tongue. To let it lull me as the need slowly vanishes. But to be unable to do so is torture. To be forced to hide who I am for the fear of others reactions. All emotions are repressible but some harder then others. They slowly eat away at your insides. At first the pain is unbearable but you grow to love it. To need it. When suddenly they surge and you grow cold and calm. Those around you yell. Some run. Some are to stunned to move. Others the brave close in around you. At first they restrain you, fearing you, but as you body shake and tears crawl down your face they lose all fear. You get to close they embrace you. You feel the heat. You fell the need to be there. But other needs take over. The need to taste. The want to taste. Again you suppress it again the need eats at you but you must hide the pain. When you are away from those you love you will let lose. Destroying things that mean nothing. Hurting things that can not feel. It helps but little. You bite your tongue to hold back a yell, a howl. You taste the metallic blood as it flows from your tongue. The taste fuels you on. You fight but it is no use you have held it in to long. You need. You want. Lock yourself in a room. Turn the music up. Make it something that will keep others away. Something that will hide your yells. Something to hide the destructive noise of a vase that had found its way to the wall from your hand. You fight alone with ghosts and spirits until you collapse total exhausted. For now you have held of the urge. Saving those close to you from what they can't understand. No what they won't understand. You turn the music down. Now to something calm comforting. You go to the bathroom. Again you lock yourself in just incase. You drawl a bath the cold boil the blood. You soak. Exhale all the bad and draw in the smell of the water. Once sure that you are back you dry off, dress. Wrapped in the smell of lavender you walk through you yard. The cold grass feeling good under you. You can handle this you tell yourself. You will not hurt them. You are stronger then to lose to your urges. You have been trained well. They need not know. Let them fear for you. Let them think they can protect you. Let them think that you need help with others. If they fight then you need not see, smell, taste, the blood drawn in battle. Your hurt, your hate, your need fade. But you lose more. Your lust, your desire, your soul slowly fade with it all.

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