Monday, May 24, 2004

Ranting
I feel like ranting. So, here I go.

Ahem.

My parents no NOTHING about me. And if they KNEW all the things I do and say and look at, they'd probably be very, VERY ashamed and confused at why I would do these things. The extent of their knowledge is that I am obsessed with Harry Potter and Anime/Manga. If they knew that I am REALLY obsessed with shounen-ai, they'd be in major shock and I would probably be dead and banned from the computer and anime for the rest of my life. I mean, how long can I keep hiding the fact that I like two anime dudes making out/having sexual interactions? It would be kind of hard to explain. And, thus, they know nothing, and they will know nothing. This is why I hate my parents. I have NO relationships with them (neither of them like anime, and they're both good Christians - I'm NOT a good Christian), and probably never will. This is why I really like all of my FRIENDS' parents.

Now, on to the next subject.

No one loves me. Okay, yes, my parents do, and my friends do, too, but that is only in a family or friendly way. No one TRULY loves me - in that TRUE LOVE kind of way. You know, boyfriend/girlfriend kind of love. Why is this? I'm not that hard to love, am I? What is it about me that makes me so unloved? Or is it that someone loves me, they just don't want to tell me, or are too shy to tell me? If they ARE too shy, then why don't they speak up? I would really like to know if someone loves me. That would make me feel so much better. I mean, really, the only thing I want in life is to be loved, and to be understood, and to be accepted for who I am and what I do. Is it really that hard to fufill?

Now, on the other hand, I love someone, but I AM too shy to tell them. Well, actually, I've told them I like them, but I've never actually told them that I love them. In this case, do they feel like me? Do they want to know like me? Would their life be better if they knew? It's hard to say, because, frankly, I don't know. I don't know if I ever WILL know.

And, if I told this person that I loved them, what would they say? Would they be flattered, traumatized, confused? Would that hurt the friendship I already have with them? And would they love me back? That is the biggest question lingering. Would they love me back?

(END RANTING)
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