Friday, December 1, 2006

   So damn sorry
So I havn't posted in quite a while... I'm not sorry, I've been dealing with alot. While the lot of you may know I've been going out with JJ, thats been rocky- considering I never wanted to go out with him in the first place I'm just doing it to give me something to do...We're still going out but There's a really really wide ditch between us.

So I didn't turn all my papers in at work so I got a few weeks off that was nice, I re-dyed my hair it looks exactly the same as it did.
Now I'm back at work, its nice but hard, they changed alot while I was gone... I really hate it.

I really need a Psychiatrist... I have way too many issues. Oh yea, and to add onto all the shit thats happening in my life I wont be going to youthgroup any more- Its canceled. That bastard Aaron did it. Not very manny people know him that well, yea he shows up on sundays but he's never there to hang with us on wednesdays! How am I supposed to like(trust) a guy I barely know!?
So when he first came I was like "well... I dont really like him that much... for starters he can beat me in SC2 but thats not very hard..." Then a few weeks after he showed up he made us get rid of the WONDERFULY comfortable couches in the Highschool room, yea they were old, decrepit, and falling apart, but they were comfortable. After that I decided that I didn't like him all that much... he didn't really listen to me much which gods that pissed me off.
Drew convinced me to give him another chance- which I did... and now this...
Every Wednesday for the past 8-9 years I've gone to church on Wednesday's... Its a blast, we would all hang out having fun like playing basketball in the gymn, or some other 'fun' sport (I'm not much of a sports person so I just watch and talk with friends)
It was a place of felowship, a fun time for close friends to get togeather and praise. After about an hour of fun, we'd settle down a bit and have actual youth group we'd discuss a topic- pray, and as our youth tradition followed, we'd all head down to skyline and chat there and then head home.
All of this, all of these memories... Are now ruined... Aaron (damn you) has caved and decided that we will no longer have YG at church, instead we'll be having it at other people's houses, I go to YG to get away from home, not go to sone random persons home.
This is so hard for me to deal with, because this is all I've ever known for the past 9-10 years... I cant just throw it away because some ass shows up and is suddenly incharge... I dont know what God's deal is with this but I've prayed and just so He knows, I'm ticked...very ticked...
And if you actually read this whole complaint... good for you. Congradulations... I'm one hell of a bitch arent I...
Oh and if you want to read further into my hell hole contunue down
v
v
The one person.
I have loved my entire Life.
I've had the biggest crush on.
Would give anything to be with.
Is turning me down, I know I'm a child
and I act like it... sometimes I cant help it but
now that he's moving on... I dont know what I'm going to do, he's the one thing thats held me togeather all thses years, he's the one person that I've been able to tell everything to, the only one I can run to when I'm hurt, or broken... and he's moving on... I have no where else to turn... no where else to go...He'll be gone in a matter of days...He'll leave me- just like that... Why?
does he have to leave?
can't I stop crying?
can't I move on?
did he have to be my best friend?
can't I just grow up?
can't I get a freaking grip?
do I have to go through this?
CANT I JUST TELL HIM THAT I LOVED HIM?
why am I a junior, why cant I be a senior, then he wouldn't have to leave so soon... damn it all...
There's so manny pieces of my heart to pick up... I should start with the small ones... Screw Life.
I Hate Drew.
Comments (1)