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Birthday
• 1987-10-23
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• Female
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• New Zealand,Ak
Member Since
• 2003-09-16
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• Summer Girl Friend
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• Gin and Coke

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• Greening my site
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• Does it matter?
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• Maybe get an apprenticeship...
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• Painting pictures, painting models, painting in my head...
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• I bet I could have an anxiety attack on command.




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myOtaku.com: Mew Wem


Sunday, December 10, 2006

Not for the faint of heart.
You know what? I've had it up to here with these stupid frustrations.

I hate this:

I hate how much effort it takes for me to get up and feel good about the day. I feel like crap but I get up and I make it into a good attitude. Be freakin' positive.

I hate how at the end of a good day I can't let go of resentments. It's been almost 3 years since my ex an I broke up but I still wish I could tell him how much I hated him.

I hate how jealous I felt (yet happy) that my best friends parents just celebrated their 25th anniversary (it was a beautiful party) but for the past 10 years I've watched mine lead separate lives within the same house. And I don't even know how long they've been married for.

I hate that I've done what I had always feared I would, which is educate myself to a single career in life. I refuse to go to Uni and am now only qualified to do special effects make up.

I hate that though I'm decidedly a heterosexual with a lovely boy friend but I can't help but find women attractive. I've never been with one!

I hate that I can't even handle one standard drink.

I hate that conversations with my father piss me off as do ones with my brother even though they aren't being hostile in the slightest.

I hate that I listen to music loudly to drown my own thoughts out.

I hate this house. It's a crap place to grow up in.

I hate my room. I've spent too much time hating in it.

I hate having to think through my compulsions. Don't ask me what kinds of things I'm compelled to do because believe me they aren't healthy.

I hate that I feel compelled to say any of this because it only makes me want to cry.

I hate it all. I've listed 12 "hates" out of dozens more I could come up with. I'll make a deal with anyone willing to read this. For every person that makes a comment, in my next post I will take each one of those "hates" and try to put a positive spin to it.

One comment = One hate

In fact if you comment you can even choose which "hate" you want me to change. That way I can't pick the easier ones first and make it easy for myself.

How's this for a nut job?
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