Monday, October 3, 2005

it might be better that way

I know, i've screwed up it's really bad i know I've been there before And i know we're both feeling low... I dont know how to say it But I'm sorry that i have pained you so much I know that all you did was long for my touch feeling really lousy Really cold, this mouse that i clutch Then i think maybe it's me I know, i'm a monster I'm a sinner I'm a scam I'm a loser, I'm a jerk I'm a sham But i promise I love you And that's why this is happening I know that it hurts But it's to keep you from suffering I'm no different from any other flirt I cant keep hurting Two people i love So i do this now It's complicated, sort of ...oh, how to explain... ~~~ It might be better if i stay away I wont come near, not another day I know you probably dont want it that way But it might be better if i stay away Tell me to stay gone Make me go away You have a life to lead You can do better then this You dont have to bled You could be in bliss It might be better if i stay away I wont come near, not another day I know you probably dont want it that way But it might be better if i stay away Try to forget me Erase from your memories Please try to hate me It wont come with ease I'm sorry i'm hurting you But i cant stay Just tell me to Stay away... It might be better if i stay away I wont come near, not another day I know you probably dont want it that way But it might be better if i stay away Forgive my ignorance But you shine with a blinding brilliance Just let me go And someday Your heart will grow Just let me go... Dont try to miss me...oh no.. It might be better if i stay away I wont come near, not another day I know you probably dont want it that way But it might be better if i stay away Dont think this only hurts you and me But i'm changing Every one can see I know you might think i'm cold But it's just to save you This is my decree I'll give you back what you gave me If you want me too I'm sorry I am being this way But it's the best for me and you It might be better if i stay away I wont come near, not another day I know you probably dont want it that way But it might be better if i stay away Dont think me about me, not another day Not another second I promise not to stay I wont linger I wont say a word I'm just another Mocking bird dont think of me... It might be better if i stay away I wont come near, not another day I know you probably dont want it that way But it might be better if i stay away...

Comments (1) | Permalink

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Whim Wham Wazzle!

Well, i have survived Hurricane Rita. Which decided to go all girly and change it's mind at the last minute about where it was going. Effing evacuated for nothing, man. Stupid parents. I TOLD THEM WE SHOULD HAVE JUST STAYED HOME!!!! Blargesmorfaldragnoftater... Anyways, i'm almost to my 1000th page view on my Sheezyart account ((http://rose.prince.utena.sheezyart.com )). It's awesome x3tw00t now if i can only get kakashi to answer her goddamned phone and get online, i'll be in mighty fine shape! well that's kinda all for now. I'll talk to ya'lls later. jaa!

Comments (1) | Permalink

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Hold On

This world, this world is cold But you don’t, you don’t have to go You’re feeling sad you’re feeling lonely And no one seems to care You’re mother’s gone and your father hits you This pain you cannot bare But we all bleed the same way as you do We all have the same things to go thru Hold on...if you feel like letting go Hold on...it gets better than you know Your days you say they’re way too long And your nights you can’t sleep at all (hold on) And you’re not sure what you’re looking for But you don’t want to no more And you’re not sure what you’re waiting for but you don’t want to no more But we all bleed the same way as you do And we all have the same things to go through Hold on...if you feel like letting go Hold on...it gets better than you know Don’t stop looking you’re one step closer Don’t stop searching it’s not over...hold on What are you looking for? What are you waiting for? Do you know what you’re doing to me? Go ahead...what are you waiting for? Hold on...if you feel like letting go Hold on...it gets better than you know Don’t stop looking you’re one step closer Don’t stop searching it’s not over... Hold on...if you feel like letting go Hold on...it gets better than you know...hold on ~Hold On, Good Charlotte The air is heavy. Inside the house and out. Tension poisions it...There's an oderless stink in the air, and i can tell that i'm not the only one who feels like a mouse, being played with before the cat eats him. Hurricane Rita is on it's way, and there's nothing to do but sit back and wait for it to hit. My friends are evacuating and i wish i could, if anything to just be able to go to Kakashi's, at least she's not on a flood plain. But my backyard's a bayou and a lake, and during Tropical Storm Allision in...oh, i suppose it was either 2001 oe 2002, this house was flooded up to the kitchen counters... Mizuki still wants to come down, and i really dont want her too. Even Kakashi's worried about something bad happening to her. It's just...i fear for her safety... Otherwise, i fear for the safety of all i knew and love. I've lived in houston all my life, i was born here, i'm being raised her and i intend to die here someday. But everywhere i go there's pictures of Hurricane Katrina, and a lump forms in my throat...Since the katrina evacuees have come to houston, my friends and i have called it "The big and not-so-easy", we just never thought about how "not-so-easy" it would get... an hour and ahalf away from school starting and i'm trying to prepare myself mentally for the idiot in the class who always overreacts to things. Like it'll help any. Panic never helps anyone do anything anyway. I cant think of a more useless thing to do then panic. Yesterday i was set up as incharge of orginizing the library at school. And i start to wonder now, Will there even be a library to setup? Will there even be a school to walk into? So many questions float about the air, and each one makes a little more of that lump in my throat. Texas' biggest city...i feel like that poisioned air is everywhere now...that heavy silenced air...that houston air... I look outside and i see Houston's trade mark purple skies, the ones that i have grown up with. the same skies that have lullibied me to sleep so many times before. The purple starts to fade into the sun. The raising sun. the prologue of a new day. The breakfast of the birds and the dinner of the bats. It's gorgeous. A bird flies by the window, not making a sound. I start to wonder if all the birds are just being quiet, because i haven't heard any since monday, or, if they're just migraiting to someplace safer. Someplace away from the poision air... Hurricane Rita...if you were a person, i'd hope that you could be here in houston right now, as Texas awaits mother nature's final call.

Comments (1) | Permalink

Monday, September 19, 2005

I'll fallow the sun...

One day you'll look to see I've gone For tomorrow may rain, so I'll follow the sun Some day you'll know I was the one But tomorrow may rain, so I'll follow the sun And now the time has come And so my love I must go And though I lose a friend In the end you will know, oooh One day you'll find that I have gone But tomorrow may rain, so I'll follow the sun Yea, tomorrow may rain, so I'll follow the sun And now the time has come And so my love I must go And though I lose a friend In the end you'll know, oooh One day you'll find that I have gone But tomorrow may rain, so I'll follow the sun.. ~Fallow the Sun-The Beatles Anyways, kinda bored here. i'm going to redo my otaku layout i hope neji-sama doesn't mind, and i mean just kinda change the pictures. I'm going to make it more of a mix between Hakkai and Iruka. Maybe even some Bakura in there. oh well, you'll just have to wait and see. Alot of things have happened since last post. first off, Happy birthday, kakashi-sensei!! a little late but mehwell. Mizuki and i are having some hard times, but it's just so fucking confusing, i mean, while my relationship was failing with kakashi it was sky-rocketing with mizuki, and now it's starting to go downhill with mizu and back up with Kakashi. I just dont know what to do anymore... Trying not to angst too much here, so i'll stick to just a few of the main things. 1: i'm getting the riddle of the week column in the school news paper. whee. 2: we're trying to start a debate club in the school, if all goes well i should be president of it. 3: i learned i SUCK at handbells. 4: trumpets rock. 5: apparently somehow i'm attractive...but i think the boys are just sorta..desperate. i dont find myself attractive at all, actually, even though i do play around sometimes about my ego. 6: life sucks and then you die. Now i just have to wait for the dying part. 7: Never forget to tell yourselves that Suicide is a suck ass, whimpy-shit, not-even-fucking-worthy-to-be-in-the-presence-of-a-fucking-rat way to die. seriously. If any of my friends out there are even considering doing that, then..just...just do it already. Gods, there ARE cooler ways to die, and by your own hands should never be an option, even if you are a disgraced ninja. BAD NIN! NO SEBUKU! 8: i'm tired as fuck. arg... That's basiclly it. have fun, peeps. Snootch to the nootch!

Comments (1) | Permalink

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Back

Okay, i've been back from a-fest for a while and i've just been too lazy to post. ugh. but anyways, i am doing so now. There's not much to really say about a-fest. The Hidden Village of Texas Yaoi got a two new members, Kabuto and Kisame. Kabuto's absolutly nuts, in the fun way that is, and Kisame's totally cool. They were really nice to me too!! Sunday night, i didn't have a place to sleep and they let me stay in they're room and they gave me RAMEN!!!! i luff them so much ;w; Anyways, enough about the past. I've decided to make this post mostly about my ambitions for the future. my dreams, hopes, what i plan to make of myself in the next 20-30 years. 1: *Sigh* sort out this whole matter between Mizuki and Kakashi. At A-Fest i realized how much i missed kakashi. And since i got back we've gotten along ALOT better then before. But...i...i dont know. Meh. i wont go angsty on you bitches in this post. Moving on! 2: With whomever i choose, and if we should get to this point, even if we have to go to canada, i want to get married. I honestly do. And i mean, i suppose it might be a little OOC for me, but meh. 3:with whomever i get married too, should we decide to have kids, instead of doing any sort of artificial insemination or what knot, i want to adopt. My dad was adopted and i want to show some kid like my dad that there's a better world out there. Alot of things happened to my dad while he was in fostercare, alot of bad, and only a few good. So i want these kids to know there's good people int he world, and that there's always something more. 4: I will get my dream job of starting my own dubbing company. I will i will i WILL >< gods damnit so help me gods i WILLLL!! 5: Finish high skool and go to collage of course. 5: do all of this without moving away from houston. I love here too much. 6: Eventually, one day, have the best damn Iruka costume on this side of the world. And also become the best known for Iruka!! With my new Iruka cosplays slowly pulling themselves together, this shouldn't be too much of a problem! 7: Become hokage!!--er, wait, wrong dream. I meant to someday become head of a convention. A couple of my friends and i have been lulling this idea around in our heads for a while. So you know, it shall happen someday, hopefully. that's pretty much it for now. I'll post more if i find more. So, until next time, see ya!

Comments (0) | Permalink

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Away at Afest

yeah...gone...

Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

teh zomg.

well, got home from school and mcdonalds. But damn, these days are going by SLOWLY i want it to be thursday......*whine/whimper* anyways, i drew a picture of iruka that even i consider good =D and it's rare when i think that of my own work. i might post it later. just got off the phone with mizuki. she should call me back soon or get online or somethin. >>; somethin somethin. I still have "Gone Country" stuck in my head. blarg >< always getting songs stuck in my head. blargefsmarglenork anyways, i should start on my homework. arg...O-o ARG, I BE HAVIN A SOUTHERN ACCENT!! if you know red vs. blue, you know that's in a pirate accent. =D yay for sarge! Snoogins~~

Comments (1) | Permalink

yesterday...

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away Now it look as though they're here to stay Oh, I believe in yesterday Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be There's a shadow hanging over me oh, yesterday came suddenly Why she had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play Now I need a place to hide away oh, I believe in yesterday Why she had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play Now I need a place to hide away oh, I believe in yesterday, Mm yeah, i like the beatles. infact, i LOVE the beatles. not much happened today. eh. i'll post more later this was just a quickie before bed. jaa, peeps.

Comments (2) | Permalink

Monday, August 29, 2005

   ich laß dich nie mehr alleine, daß ist dir hoffentlich klar

alright, so kakashi and i finally got this shit of a relationship straightened out a bit. After a fest she has two months, minus a weekend ((because i'm not doing ANYTHING else but hanging with mizuki when she comes down)) to prove to me that she's truely sorry for taking me for granted. And yes, that's what i came down to. we went through and talked about everything. and ultimately decided that that's what it was. she was taking me for granted... so anyways, i suppose we'll see after afest. but i made clear to her that she was now on the offensive, because right now i'm fully in Mizuki's cort. Well, i gotta go brush my teeth and whatknot before school..ugh..school...i shudder to think about [sarcasm] how well i'll get through the school day, because you know i'm in just SUCH an attenative mood![/sarcasm] Well, talk to ya'll later. Mizuki, i know you read this so, i want you to know, i honestly will never leave you by my own choice. i could never do that to you, or to myself for that matter. I love you babe. With all that i got to love you with. Just remember, that after afest, i'm probably going to be thinking of these words: mit dir bin ich zu Hause angekommen ohne Ziel was wir brauchen sind wir beide davon brauchen wir so viel und wir geben uns neue Namen und ich schlaf' so gerne mit dir ein and for all you german impaired people, it reads: I'm going home with you without a goal we both are what we need we need so much of it and we give each other new names and I sleep so peacefully with you I think this fits quite well. 1: without you at home, i have no goal. 2: we both do need eachother 3: we need ALOT of each other, i can never be around you for too long, i always want to be around you. 4: oh come on, MIZUKI, IRUKA, i'd say those are new names. my mom certainly didn't give me an awesome name like that. 5: i've never had a better sleep then at o-chibicon. i hope you understand how much you mean to me.

Comments (1) | Permalink

gods...i dont know what to do...kakashi wants me back....but...i ...i dont know...i wanna cry...if i had never been born this wouldn't have happened, you know...ugh. but my parents went stupid and here i am. causing pain. causing confusion. getting caught in the confusion myself. maybe i deserve it. iunno...but i cant leave mizuki. i could never leave her. Never. not in a million years....gods...i'm so confused...

Comments (1) | Permalink