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Birthday
• 1992-02-28
Gender
•
Male
Location
• Houston, Texas
Member Since
• 2004-08-31
Occupation
• Student
Real Name
• Travis
Personal
Achievements
• I saw the light, and I walked into it.
Anime Fan Since
• December 21, 2001 (Yes, I remember the exact date!)
Favorite Anime
• Fushigi Yugi, Inuyasha, Alice 19th, Fruits Basket, and Ayashi No Ceres
Goals
• To actually get my manga published...
Hobbies
• I draw manga...
Talents
• I can speak Vietnamese fluently. I can also speak Mandarin and Cantonese... I'm just not fluent enough with those...
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Friday, July 14, 2006
I Never Thought My Mother's Words Could Hurt So Much...
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Start: 3:41 PM CST
Hey guys... I'm really happy (and hyper thanks to Alaina! *smiles*) now, and I want to tell you about my night last night, but I don't wanna. I want to record it for future reference, so here goes.
Last Night
P.S. This is a really sad, long story. If you don't want to be depressed, or just don't like reading, you can skip it if you like.
Last night, when I was sitting by the T.V. and watching the news (after watching "So You Think You Can Dance"), my mom just started to talk to me about how I was spoiled and selfish and don't give a damn about anyone around me. (Where did that come from?)
Well, you see, it all started with a small fight over something, and she said "Ong Tay" said I was selfish, rude, and don't give a damn about other people. (I didn't know who "Ong Tay" was, and she also said Suc Poh and Suc Kung said the same about me!) So I got angry. (First of all, why talk about me behind my back?! And why bad things?! The people I'm talking about are ADULTS. They're not my peers. I can understand CHILDREN talking about me, but ADULTS?!) Later, I learned this "Ong Tay" was a psychic she was talking with. (She trusts everything this man says. OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, my cousin and great-aunt are psychic, and their leads are DEAD-ON, but my mom doesn't believe them! YET, when some RANDOM person tells my mom about stuff, SHE BELIEVES THEM?! And she said they were right...)
Then she started talking about how selfish, spoiled, how I never help around the house, and stuff like that. (What the heck? I don't even act like that!) So I tried to talk back, and she slapped me in the face... She started talking all this shit about how I'm gonna waste my future later on...
Earlier, we had a talk, and she asked me, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" (It was a rhetorical question.) Then she didn't even bother to hear me, and said, "I want you to become either a doctor or a lawyer." (You wouldn't understand it if I tried to explain, but my mom only wants me to become that, so I can make money.) I told her I didn't know what I wanted to become, and she told me that I was gonna waste my life later on, and how she gave up everything so I could have a better future...
I don't know, but something in her words just hit me. (Why would she say things like this to me?) Then she went on about I thought I was better than her (when did I ever say that?!) and it just went on... (I couldn't remember everything because I was too busy crying, and my sister was on the right of me, listening.)
I don't know... I tried to yell back at her. (But when you're crying, it's something about the tears that hold you back.) When I finally got the strength to say what I wanted to (which was the end of her lecture), she told me to shut up (because to her, I was talking back). (Okay, when someone says horrible stuff about you, and you want to prove them wrong with words, they tell you to shut up because YOU'RE BEING RUDE BY REPLYING?!) I don't know... I tried so long to battle against her, and several times did she tell me to shut up. I don't know. I just broke down on my giant teddy bear and started bawling.
THEN YOU KNOW WHAT NERVE MY MOTHER HAD TO DO?!
She said in a false-happy voice, "I'm sorry..."
As if saying all those horrible words and a "sorry" could fix that!
She told me to go to the bathroom (this time yelling at me) and wash my face. I went up to the bathroom in my room, sat down, and started bawling on my teddy bear. I don't know, I just sat there and prayed to God, and somehow, all my tears went away... I felt relieved.
I may seem like a really strong (emotionally) person at times, but I think it's because I hold it back... (Well, not hold. But there are times when it makes it come back.)
I don't know, I just headed to bed after that, thinking about that...
And I fell asleep.
I have been through all of this my whole life, and I never said a word of it to you. I'm sorry about that, but I wanted to hide it about you. I may seem like a fun person to be with, but even I have my weaknesses.
My mother also knows I have a diary (online journal), and she said that if I wrote one word of this on there, she'd beat me. She doesn't want anyone to know.
But I'm starting to wonder now... My parents are like this... Putting me down like this. And I know some other adults like this too, but there are people who you think you can trust, but can't. But all the people here, I trust you because I know you care about me. And my friends at school, and my old town (especially Alaina) really care for me. I thank you for being there for me...
There are times when I get so depressed, so depressed that I want to die, but I know just dying will make those things those horrible people true. That I'm lazy, that I give up, that I'm useless...
My parents always give me this reply, "We're doing this because we love you and we want to help you." But do all these horribles words and beating me ACTUALLY HELP me?
A few months ago, a really depressed and emo friend asked me, "If your life is so full of pain, why don't you just die?"
This is the reply I gave to him.
Today
Well, last night was so horrible. I couldn't sleep. It was so hot at night and I couldn't sleep really well. I kept jumping out of bed for some weird reason...
Around 9-10 AM, my mom yelled at my sister to come downstairs (although my sister was still in bed, and couldn't hear anything) to take her roller skates upstairs.
So all morning, we spent the time cleaning the house. Vaccuuming, dusting, sweeping, you name it.
My mom doesn't want me to go on the computer anymore. She says that we always spend all day on it, and it uses up a lot of electricity, so yeah.
After all the cleaning, my brother, sister, and I hung out in my room, listening to the radio. (ARGH, I want to request a song on the radio, but the line's always busy! Must call earlier then...) So yeah, it was fun. And my sister wanted to do my nails. XP (Not paint them, but cut them and file them and stuff like that.) So it was nice to see all of us hanging out, not fighting.
My mom came into the room, saying she wants to return the clothes that I bought a few days ago. My sister chose some of them, and my mom said the shirt makes me look gay. (What...???)
So I tried on all the clothes, and the clothes that I didn't like on me were returned.
She wanted me to come to the store with her to return it, but I wanted to stay home. (I still need to finish my work.) But she had to get all angry... -_-;;
So she's going alone. I think she's still home though.
It was nice talking to Alaina again. I miss talking to her. I also talked to Trangie about those killings by my neighborhood. (If you listen to news--this might not be on national news--a girl was killed IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD by two boys and her body was dumped in a construction site. The boys tried to drive off into Canada--why Canada?--but they caught them, and they're going to be trialed.)
This all started with a MySpace journal. Yup, you heard me. A MySpace journal. All this news in my city. At LEAST 20% of the killings, the rapings, the kidnappings have to do with MySpace. Weird, eh?
I'll talk to you guys. My 1-hour thing passed a long time ago. (Wait, I didn't explain that! My mom only let us on for one hour, and after my sister got on for one hour, I did. Yeah...I've been on for 1 hour and 16 minutes... XP)
Bye!
End: 4:06 PM CST
© 2004-2007 MiasmaMoon. All rights reserved.
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