Wednesday, September 13, 2006

I'm back. . .

Sorry for being gone so long, guys. I don't know if anyone actually missed me. . . but I just want to thank everyone who took the time to give me advice. It shows you care. So. . . thank you.

I'm sorry, but to some of you who told me I should just forget about my ex-boyfriend. . . I can't do that. You have to understand. . . he's not like other guys. He's not some sleezy perverted jerk who cheats on women. Yes, he cheated on me, but. . . I can understand. We still talk to each other. And he's still keeping his promise. . . hopefully. . . that one day we will be together again.

I love him so much. . . and I won't ever be able to let him go. No matter what he does to me. If it weren't for him, I would have given up on life a long time ago. He makes me happy. . . even when he doesn't even try. Just talking to him makes me happy. . . hmm. . . but there's one thing that's really bugging me. His current girlfriend, the girl he cheated on me with, she keeps starting pointless drama. She's hurt him so much. . . and she accuses him of things he doesn't even do. . . she's mostly mad because he still talks to me.

This. . . is what he said to me one day:

" She said I should stop talking to you

I told her never."

Heh. . . you see? He still cares. <3

Oh. . . by the way. . . last night, we talked on the phone for the first time. ^__^ [yes, as I told you before, we live very far away from each other && we met on MySpace]]. Wow. . . I love his voice. . . I nearly passed out from blushing so much. XD

---

I know 9/11 is over. But watch this video below. After you're done watching it, please. . . PRAY.
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Thursday, August 17, 2006

Hmm. My heart. . .is hurting pretty bad right now. < | 3
yeah. just as the title says.

This is all a long story, but I'll make it simple for those who actually care. Just last night, my...boyfriend...had told me that his heart was confused...and that he loved me and another girl at the same time. Heh. That hurt me pretty bad...

That other girl didn't know about me and him and when she found out, she was devistated and broke up with David. [[my boyfriend]] He was heartbroken...and yet so was I, but I still comforted him...as much as it hurt me, I tried my best to make him happy again. He said he had cut himself...21 times...he said if it weren't for me, he would have gone too far...and he said that he wanted to, too. That hurt me alot...it was as if I wasn't a reason to live for him. He wasn't thinking how I would feel about it...or maybe he was...I don't know.

But yeah...he chose the other girl. The other girl and him got back together...he told me that he still loved me, and that one day we would be a couple again. He said he wanted to marry me...and have a family...and that no matter what happened he would never leave me alone...but he told the other girl that he wanted to marry her too...and I'm just so confused and hurt...I want to believe him...because he's not only my true love, but my best friend too...we've always been there for each other...

But...I still love him...so much...and I have faith he will come back to me...he said he would...so I'll wait for him. As stupid as that may sound...but he really is sorry for the pain he's caused me...and I have no choice but to forgive him...he broke my heart, but it will always belong to him.

v___v

That's love for you. It hurts like fuck...and it's so bittersweet. Yeah...and it's even harder because I can't tell him how fucked up I am now, cause it will only hurt him too. I don't want him to be sad...I want him to be the happiest he can be...even if it's not with me...

So yeah. Like I said, I'm fucked right now. I'm not eating...I haven't eaten for the past four days, and I just don't have an appetite. I can't sleep now...without crying...because everytime I close my eyes, I think of David loving and giving attention to someone else. God...this hurts so much...I want to be happy because I know I have a chance of being with him again in the future...but I just don't know anymore...

I'm sorry, but I don't know if I'll be updating as much anymore.

I know in my last post I said he was only using me for his sexual desires, but we had a long conversation about that. Heh. Turns out I was wrong...but...eh, I don't know.
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Monday, August 14, 2006

Thank you for your posts yesturday. :]
I really. . .really appreciate it.

I'm glad there's some people out there who have concern for me. . .I didn't kill myself. . .but I still feel so horrible. . .I did end up cutting myself though. . .

my boyfriend meant everything to me. . .he helped me through my hardest times, and I helped him through his. . .we promised each other we'd have a happy life together, away from our families who hated us. . .we would've gotten married. . .had children. . .but. . .but he cheated on me. . .for the past 6 months we've been together he cheated and lied to me about everything. . .I just don't get it. . .how could he have done this? Why did he just use me. . .I gave him everything. . .I stood by his side always. . .and this is how I'm thanked. . .

I want to forget about him. . .
But he was my true love. . .really.

I just wish this weren't even happening. . .I just wish he would tell me the truth. . .instead of hiding everything from me. . .

Well, anyway. . .
Thanks, guys. :]

You rock. ♥
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Sunday, August 13, 2006

He's breaking my heart. . . < | 3
. . .
I think. . .I might kill myself tonight. . .

Because I'm such a fool. . .and a fuck-up. . .
He never loved me. . .and he never will. . .

He only used me. . .for his sexual needs. . .
That's all he was after. . .nothing else. . .

. . .Goodbye. . .

< | 3
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Thursday, August 3, 2006

hello. :D
thanks for all of your comments yesturday, you guys rock. ♥

oh jeez. o__o
this morning my mom woke me up like REALLY early >.<
just so she could show me that there was a huge
>>MOOSE<< in our backyard. o.O He had big antlers and it was so scary. hehehe. i'm a wimp, i know. xD
it ran away though when i went outside to get a closer look at him.
.___.
am i that scary? xDDD

hmm - i feel like a therapist for some reason.
'cause my friends on MySpace have been. . .depressed lately I guess, so I've been giving them surprisingly good advice and well. . .they're okay now. Hmm. I just wish I myself could use my advice once in a while. =/ I feel wise. xDD

well. . .that's all from me. See you tomorrow. . .
maybe.
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Wednesday, August 2, 2006

wow - 3:44 in the a.m. and i'm updating.
o__o

hehe.
thanks for your comments yesturday, guys. they really do mean a lot to me. :]

well, i don't have to be psychic to know that i'm not going to be doing shit today. xDD so i figured, ah the hell with it, why not just update now? it's too fxcking hot to sleep anyway.

well...i guess as of now i'm feeling pretty bad. earlier yesturday my mother had yelled at me again for ignoring my sister...she called me a bitch and jerk. :P it really hurt me too. because first of all, my sister is annoying as fxck and all she ever does is talk, so any normal human being would ignore her naturally. but no. my mom had to explode out at me. i didn't show or tell her how much her words hurt me. . .i never do, because she doesn't understand my feelings. Hah, that sounded emo-ish, didn't it? xD it's true. well, a little while ago i cried myself to sleep, i've been doing that alot lately.
-___-;;

and today. . .is going to be worse.
i heard my mom talking to my step-dad, telling him how my dad owes us nearly $6,000 dollars in child support. She sounded really mad. . .and i just know after work today that she is going to call up my dad and start fighting with him. . .like she always does.

-sighz-
damn, i really have to stop complaining about things.
i'm supposed to happy and frisky. .
not emo and gloomy!
xDD

well i'm too tired to continue rambling on right now.
i'm gonna crash for the night, or try at least.

-- x -- x -- x --
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Tuesday, August 1, 2006

whoo - another new layout.

-gigglez-
you like?

wow, my life has really been fxcked up lately.
i found out just a few days ago that my boyfriend has been being abused by his entire family. Yupp - ALL OF THEM. he told me that his mother had threatened to throw a knife at him for no reason one night while we were chatting on AIM. i was so fxcking pissed.

other than that, it's been very boring lately.
.___.

ooh - new song btw.
-pointz to tha muzic video-

listen to it! >.<;;
it's kick ass, and those guys are hawt.
;DDD

anyhoo. i'm out.

-peace-
♥
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