Friday, June 10, 2005

   talked to Otako on the phone!
I just talked to Otako on the phone! it was very interesting! shes so cool! I like her.^^ shes awsome!^^ hehe^^ well anyways...today...

I am almost finished my dess...I need to go back to sewing to finish it. Hmm...I got to go to the dentist and I found out, that I have a dead tooth. its one of the front teeth. and the one next to it is almost dead. why cause of an old thing that happnened...its probably cause when I frist broke my nose I chiped out my front teeth. or it could have been when I got my front teeth pushed up into my gums...all I know is that I have a dead tooth and about to get another one...oh well.

I love Adam...I miss him...well than when dont I^^ hmm...I may go to Pan's to swim in her pool^^ which is good^^ Probably tomorrow or on Sunday but before I talk to Adam or after...or something...well I am going to go^^ its almost my bday^^ on the 24th! yay! almost 15! well then again I have to go back to the dentist and then some other day so they can do something with my dead tooth...or soon to be teeth...well byebye...love you adam...love yuo otako..(hope you dont mind me saying that)...love you Pan...love you everyone^^ byebye^^ talking to Otako on the phone is awsome! byebye! love you adam!


oh yah thing that I did is wong. I no whit I a lot o things! but no whit! lol canadain an oth,.
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Thursday, June 9, 2005

   Travelin soldier by the Dixie Chicks!
A
Two days past eighteen

He was waiting for the bus in his army greens
D
Sat down in a booth in a cafe there
A
Gave his order to a girl with a bow in her hair
A
He's a little shy so she gave him a smile

So he said would you mind sitting down for a while
D
And talking to me
A
I'm feeling a little low
G
She said I'm off in an hour
D A
And I know where we can go
A
So they went down and they sat on the pier

He said I bet you got a boyfriend but I don't care
D A
I got no one to send a letter to
G D A
Would you mind if I sent one back here to you
F#m D
I cried never gonna hold the hand of another guy
A
Too young for him they told her

C7
Waiting for the love of the Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">travellin soldier
F#m
My love will never end

D
Waiting for the soldier to come back again
A C7
Never more to be alone when the letter says
A
My soldiers coming home
A
The letters came from an army camp

In California and Viet Nam
D
He told her of his heart and it might be love
A
And all of the things he was so scared of
A
He said when it's getting kinda tough over here

I think of that day sitting down at the pier
D A
And I close my eyes and see your pretty smile
G
Don't worry but
D A
I won't be able to write for awhile
F#m D
I cried never gonna hold the hand of another guy
A
Too young for him they told her
C7
Waiting for the love of the Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">travellin soldier
F#m
My love will never end
D
Waiting for the soldier to come back again
A C7
Never more to be alone when the letter says
A
My soldiers coming home

SOLO

A
One Friday night at a football game

The lords prayer said and the anthem sang
D
The man said

Folks would you bow your head
A
For the list of local Viet Name dead
A
Crying all alone under the stands

Was the picolo player in the marching band

D A
And one name read nobody really cared
G D A
But a pretty little girl with a bow in her hair
F#m D
I cried never gonna hold the hand of another guy
A
Too young for him they told her
C7
Waiting for the love of the Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">Travel">travellin soldier
F#m
My love will never end
D
Waiting for the soldier to come back again
A C7
Never more to be alone when the letter says

My soldiers coming
A
My soldiers coming home.



I love this song! I was singing it in gym today^^ I love it^^ i want it on a cd so I can sing it over and over again^^ well not as much as follow me or whatever^^ I love uncle krackers song! like...when the sun does down^^ I love that one! anyways...umm yes! I am bored...I love Adam...byebye^^ I am going to get put more songs that I like on here^^ byebye^^ Love you adam...I wanna do more what we did before^^ lol^^ byebye^^
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Wednesday, June 8, 2005

   some thing^^

This is me
eye color?	changes colours
hair color?	very dark brown
ethnic BG?	white?
hobbies?	anime! Adam...friends...
Favorite food?	japanesse or chinesse or something liek that.
wearing while filling this out	black hoodie, black shirt, black pants...that you can see my ass in.
height?	5'1" or so.
dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">dating">Dating?	yes!
LIKE/LOVE
pet?	my neko's
flower?	dont know? rose I guess.
guy/girl?	guy! Adam!
Other stuff
If you could put anything on a sand witch, what would it be?	a whale!
what would u take off?	of clothes my hoodie
what do you think of vegitarians?	I am one...kinda
do you like wrestling?	yes!
Favorite Phrase?	You laugh cause I'm weird, I laugh cause your not!
Fav. site?	myotaku
Fav forums?	huh?
Do you LARP (live action role playing)?	yes!
do u uh yahoo?	yes!
have u ever seen a grown man naked? lol. noy a real question.	no!
r u having fun?	yes!
do u think i am?	yes"
Jey-li or Jacki Chan?	jey-li?
Jedi or sayin?	JEDI!
Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">Sex">sex or cuddeling?	cuddeling
friends or Lovers?	both
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

LALALALA! aint that cool! its pretty much all about me! me! I miss Adam! I want to be with him now!I love you hun. I love you very much^^ I go now...byebye
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Monday, June 6, 2005

   I am so scared!
I am so scared right now! I cant say why...Pan says I need to stop writing stuff on here...like stuff like this...of why I am so scared...I wont, I am so damn scared though! I am scared...well I dont know what to say. having fangs are not so fun at times! I bite my cheek so much today! WAAA! I am so scared to walk to the dentist! I am so very scared to be anywhere alone! well I must go...byebye...love yuo adam...see you later Pan...later tonight to get...you know....bye
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Sunday, June 5, 2005

   why does this always happen?!
I just wish it would rain right now. I feel so down! I cant say why...I wont. its just I hate the 5th of june so much! I want it to rain! Rain makes me feel better. I wish Adam was here. To hold me. I wish someone was here to hold me. To tell that everything is alright! But I know no one is. I am always alone when I need someone the most. No one cares about me! They say they do but they never really mean it! I am so lonely right now...I need to be held but no one to hold me...

here are some songs that I like...they make me feel a little better when I hear/sing them...

Artist: Brad Paisley
Album: Mud on the Tires
Title: Whiskey Lullaby (with Alison Krauss)

(Featuring Alison Krauss)
(Bill Anderson/Jon Randall)

She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart he spent his whole life tryin' to forget
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
Until the night

1st Chorus
He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said I'll love her till I die
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby

(Sing lullaby)

The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
Until the night

2nd Chorus
She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby

(Sing lullaby)

Artist: Brad paisley
Album: Part II
Title: You Have That Effect On Me



Every morning the last couple of weeks
In between shaving and brushing my teeth
I'd lean on the sink and practice my lines
By now you would think they'd be memorized

But leave it to me to come all this way
Get down on one knee and forget what to say
I'm at a loss, should have known this is how it would be
'Cause you have that effect on me

I must admit I still don't understand
Why I lose my head holding your hand
There's no explanation, no simple excuse
For this intoxication I feel around you

And now truth be known since I've met you girl
I've been walkin' around in my own little world
One look in my eyes and darlin' any fool could see
That you have that effect on me

You've had your eyes on a two carat ring
I finally went out and I bought it
Right now it's at home sittin' on my TV
Would you believe I forgot it

But you can't blame me 'cause it's plain to see
That you have that effect on me
Yeah, you have that effect on me
Girl, you have that effect on me


I really need someone to hold me now. or for it to rain...why am I always down now? I'm sick and down at the same time...with me thats not good, I really want it to rain. I want to go away and never come back...I need someone to hold me now...I need it to rain...bye...
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Saturday, June 4, 2005

   song and why I am depressed all in one day! lol
Artist:Uncle KrackerAlbum:Double Wide Title:Follow Me

You don't know how you met me
You don't know why
You can't turn around and say goodbye
All you know is when I'm with you
I make you free
And swim through your veins like a fish in
the sea
I'm singin'

Chorus:
Follow me everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you
Want to leave I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

I'm not worried bout the ring you wear
Cuz as long as no one knows than nobody
can care
You're feelin' guilty and I'm well aware
But you don't look ashamed and baby
I'm not scared
I'm singin'

Repeat Chorus

Won't give you money
I can't give you the sky
Your better off if you don't ask why
I'm not the reason that you go astray and
We'll be all right if you don't ask me stay

Repeat Chorus

You don't know how you met me
You don't know why
You can't turn around and say goodbye
All you know is when I'm with you
I make you free
And swim through your veins like a fish in
the sea
I'm singin'

Repeat Chorus



I like that song up there^^ dont you? I am going to dance with Adam when he is here to it^^ it helps me when I am down. so I am listen to it now^^

Okay, many people have been wondering why I am so depressed lately mostly Adam and Pan. Hmm...well alot of things have been reminding me about some old stuff. And I guess its just been getting to me. Been making me very down. Well, why I said I wouldnt talk to Pan. Is because yesterday she went outside when it was raining with no shoes on. I dont care about that, however she went down a backline...with no shoes...That made me think of one old friend...Jessica was with Pan..and I dont like HER! I told Pan it wasnt safe to do that and jessica told me to lossen up! I just wanted to yell at her. I dont want to lossen up! Last time I did...I...(damn this is hard)...last time I did...I had to watch...my best...friend...bleed to death...but she didnt die...but...I havent seen her in over a year...her family wont let me see her anymore...just because of that. Fuck! I hate jessica so much. and I miss my best friend...I'm crying..can you believe it? I really am crying.

Also other things have just made me think about other stuff...well umm...some of you know that I am scared of Greg alittle bit. Well you want to know why,(well Adam does) anyways. I'm scared of anyone who is bigger than me. Why is cause I used to have a boyfriend that would hit me. I learned not to cry. But then he would hit me more when I didnt cry. So I am scared of anyone bigger than me. Well one day I couldnt take it anymore, so I hit him hard on the head. He had to go to the hospital for stichs, I stayed away from where he was after that. But at that time I didnt know that he was scared of me too. But I am still scared of anyone bigger than me. Umm...well...there is more stuff...but I dont really want to say them right now. I dont really like to talk about some of the things...I dont realy like to talk about any of the stuff. But I should. I know. I'll post some of the other stuff tomorrow.


I'm sorry I worried everyone. Mostly you Adam. I'm very sorry. I dont want to ever leave you. I wont. I promise. And I am going to keep that promise. I am sorry to Pan cause of the fight we were having. I am sorry to everyone. I just need to learn to trust people more. I just need to learn not to be scared of anyone. Not to let other people try to run my life. I dont want to be pushed around anymore. I wont. I promise that to myself. I am still depressed a little but not as much, I just think I need to go outside or something but I kinda cant, Cause I am so sick right now. *cough cough* I hate being sick...god. I feel like I am about to pass out! Well I am going to go now^^ I am sorry and I promise I'll try not to be so depressed anymore...I love you everyone! I love you Pan, I love you Adam...byebye *kiss kiss on the check to everyone* *kiss kiss to adam* bye...
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Friday, June 3, 2005

   I cant stand it! I cant take it anymore!
Everytime I start to care about someone, they dont even care about what I think or how I feel! I cant take it! I cant be friends with them anymore! I will just get hurt if I do, I'll just get hurt again! I dont want to. I should be happy. I am not leaving adam...but I am not really, I cant stand it anymore. I cant be friends with someone who doesnt care about what I think or how I feel towards them! I wont. I cant. I shouldnt...I am not going to talk to her anymore. I wont ever say her name again! I wont think about her. I will give her everything back and then I wont be friends! I cant stand it anymore! If I stay I will just get hurt like I was before...I wont...I try to care about people but they dont even care about me. I am giving up on making friends! I wont. I wont even go near my old friends now! I mean the ones now but to me they are old. I wont go near them cause she will be there.

Also I am not going to talk to my other friends. I wont go near them, I wont do anything! I promise. Greg you said I should have someone or something that will make me stop...well I have one. and I am stoping I wont do anything anymore! I promise...well I am going because I need to think...I love you Adam...I should be on the computer by 5pm or so my time^^ school is almost over and I am still on msn^^ well byebye^^ Love you people...not that one person though. I wont ever say I love you to her ever again. Good-bye. Love you Adam. see you later^^ I am happy that yuo are better.^^
Comments (1) | Permalink

Wednesday, June 1, 2005

   I am a little better but then again I'm not...
I'm not so depressed well I am at times, and at those times I can be very depressed. See I am starting to think that I will hurt the people that I love. All my friends, Adam...my family...I dont want to...but...I'm scared that I will. I made up my mind. I wont go near my friends anymore...I wont go near my family, I will stay in my room all day or try to get out as much as I can...And as for Adam...I dont know. I cant stand not being with him...but then I dont want to hurt him...I cant make up my mind! I am going to stay away from the computer too unless I have to do some homework on it. I am going to stay away from Yuki, Greg,Pan,Colin,Andy and everyone else...I will just walk around. I wont go to the corner. I wont. I wont. I just know, I just know that I will hurt them. I wont go there anymore. If I do I will just hurt them, I will do something and they will get hurt. I wont go near my family....Adam...I'm sorry but...I dont want to hurt you...and if I keep talking to you...I will. God do I feel like crying...I feel like my heart just got riped out of my body...I want to stay with Adam...but I just know that I will hurt him...I already made him depressed and I dont want to do that ever again. I...I...I...I am never going to be happy again...I...I...wont talk to anyone...Tonight is the last night that I will be on the computer...after that...no more...I...cant hurt anyone anymore...I have already hurt many people....I dont want to leave Adam...but...I dont want to hurt him anymore...or ever again...good bye people...I will post maybe next week...I'm so sorry...I feel like crying now...I must go before...I do cry...I am sorry Adam...I am...so sorry...I dont deveser to live with anyone...I will just hurt them...I dont want to but...I will...I wont go near anyone...anymore...I will just hurt them...I should go...but...I need to tell everyone that I am sorry for everything that I did...I'm sorry for what I may do...I am not going to have a birthday party...because then...I have to be with people...I dont want to be...I wont go near anyone...I will just hurt them all. I feel so much like crying! like screaming! I cant trust myself with anyone...I cant...be with Adam anymore...sorry Adam...I want to be...but...I' sorry...I cant be with anyone...I cant live with anyone...I will just hurt them all...and...I dont want to..I cant...be with you Adam...I'm...I'm...I'm so...sorry...my heart just got riped out...I feel like I am about to die...I just lost the person I love the most cause I dont want to hurt them...I'm I'm...sorry! I must go...good...good-bye...I wont go near anyone...sorry..I am about to cry...bye...













Adam you are the only one that ever understands me. I know I should be with you...but I know I will hurt you.. And I dont want to do that...my heart is ripeing apart..I love you more than anything..I'm sorry...good bye...


Comments (3) | Permalink

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Right now...
Right now I am still depressed. I dont know why...well I do but yeah...I dont want to say why. I think this will be my last post for a while. I have nothing to post about. no need to either. my life is shitty now. Life sucks. every one that I have loved has hurt me. I am so depressed. I dont want to be but I am. I've been lying to everyone...I mean they have been asking if I am ok. if everything is alright. I say yes even if something is. I am like a shell, whats inside of me is all black. like a hole a black hole whatever goes it never comes back out. Whatever Pain I have, I will tell no one. Right now I am in so much Pain and there is no one that understands. no one to talk to. I need to shut up before I have a break down. I dont want that. I want to keep everything inside. no more feelings, just happyness... I need a drink so bad! or a smoke! or something! I feel like shit! I want to kill myself! I dont want to be here! why am I even here?! Why cant I just go away?! Leave me alone! MY mind is telling me that I should die right now! Well after school! I want to SCREAM! I want to CRY! I want to SCREAM and CRY! But there is nothing to cry about. nothing to scream about. I hide my pain, as much as I want to scream I wont. as much as I want to cry I wont! I am going now..byebye...sad...depressed..not good...
Comments (1) | Permalink

Monday, May 30, 2005

lol, neko....I am still depressed!

Demon type? by ShadyLane222
What's your name?
What's your magical pet?
What do you do in your spare time?
Your demon type	Cat
Your demon name	Female: Kei, Male: Kaiba
Your favoerite saying	You Laugh because I'm weird, I laugh Because you're not
How strong your demonic powers are: 100%
Quiz created with MemeGen!

I have to stay after school blah. I gonna finish a test...right now I am still depressed...and I need to tell adam something but I dont know if he is on. I havent talked to him in 2 days. I am so depressed...bye...I wanna do something right now but there are to many people...maybe I could when I walk home...well bye...
Comments (1) | Permalink