Monday, May 16, 2005

   just something I found in my emails^^ the poems tomorrow! I promise.
HOW TO TELL IF A GUY LIKES A GIRL:
1. The guy will try to make you laugh.
2. He'll flirt with you when he can.
3. He might try to show off around you.
4. He'll help you out, if you ask for it.
5. He'll stick up for you when you need it most.
6. He'll be friendly to you and all your friends.
7. He might call you for no good reason.
8. He might make fun of you, in a joking way.
9. He'll tell you that you did good, even if you did horrible.
10. He'll make eye contact with a happy grin on his face.

HOW TO TELL IF A GIRL LIKES A GUY:
1. The girl will laugh at all your jokes.
2. She'll stare at you with a smile on her face.
3. She'll ask you who you like, continuously.
4. She might try to make you jealous.
5. She'll beg that you do everything for her.
6. She might start talking to your friends.
7. She'll talk to you about the different varieties of guys.
8. She'll always seem to be talking about how nice you are.
9. She'll always be flirting with every other guy except you.
10. She'll always ask what to do in a bad situation
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Sunday, May 15, 2005

   my side hurts like hell...!!!!
my side hurts alot! Anyways...I am gonna post the poems hopefully by tomorrow...please read the post under this and read the poem. thanks^^

Today went to Pan's watch a movie...nothing else...yeah I am bored...dont want to be home right now..I want to be somewhere else...anywhere but here...I am getting more depressed again...I dont know why...just everything is making me depressed :( why? I dont know...everyhting is...well please read that poem and post...well thanks^^ byebye
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Saturday, May 14, 2005

   You know whats the wrost thing?
Its when you love someone and you think they love you back but in the end. they turn around and rip out your heart. That is the wrost thing ever. When you give your heart to someone and then they rip it out and rip it apart...How can you ever recover from that? People say it just move on. But have thoses people have their heart riped out and torn apart? I dont think they have. They just think they know what to tell you when that happenes. But really you just need to cry, you need to be alone for a while and hopefully you will learn to love someone again.

Yeah...that was just on my mind...Sorry if it seems sad or something. It was just on my mind for some time now. I didnt mean to make you think that I am sad or anything. I dont think I am sad or anything. Anyways, hmm...I am trying to think what to write now. Hmmm...Well yesterday I went to Pan's place to help her sell stuff. She made like 100 bucks or so. Hmm...Twiggy and Bruce can and then it was like a party and then Twiggy had to go but Bruce stayed and then it was very funny. Hmm...Pan got pizza for us and we watched some movie. Very good movie I must say. However, Twiggy can back and she made Bruce go to some thing at someone's place. Dont know where and dont care. Hmm...well my arm is better now. You can barely even see the mark where I cut myself. I didnt hurt myself when I fell which is good. Hmm...I am trying to think of something to write now. Well my mom found my beautiful knife! damn now I cant take it with me to meet Dan...and yeah she shouldnt know about it! Damn...anyways thinking about what to write...

Well hmmm...Dan is Moving">Moving">Moving">Moving">Moving">Moving">Moving">moving tonight! YAY! thats good...but the thing is that he wants to see me before he goes...I dont really want to go...but I should...I mean...I should at least say bye...but greg isnt on and yeah. Well I must try to think of something to write now...Hmm...well today I am gonna go to my friends for her birthday party even though her birthday was in march. Oh well, hmm...I get to talk to Adam on the phone tomorrow...dont know how long cause I have to be out of the house by 5:30pm my time so I can get to my friends place by 6pm. The party is at 6pm till 11pm...I hope I can talk to Adam on the computer tonight too. I didnt talk to him yesterday or the day before...Hmm...well I better go now...See you later...I think I should go meet Dan before he goes...But I am not sure...cause Greg is not on...well byebye...Love you Adam. ~little neko~

Poem...not sure what title
if you have one thats good I may use it^^


I stand there. thinking
Why am I even here.
Thinking why do I
Even bother to come
Why I should even be
Looking for you. thinking
Why cant I just leave.

You stand there
Thinking why is she
Here. You think what
To do with her
You think of all the things
That you can do to her.
She is just standing there
Like she is waiting for you
To do something to her.
You go to her and take her
Arm, you move her away from
Everyone.

When you move her away from
Everyone. you start to think what
You can do to her. When you get
Her away from everyone. You try
To do the things that you are thinking
To her. She thought you could help
Her but really you just wanted to
Hurt her. You just wanted to rip her
Heart out and hurt her.
Her wall went down, everone is
Crying, your crying, shes crying.
Will it ever stop? no it never will.
She will keep crying cause you
Took her away. Shes thinking
What did she do wrong?
She did nothing wrong. you did.
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Wednesday, May 11, 2005

   likey my new avi?^^
do you guys like my new avi? I do cause its a neko and so am I^^ yup yup^^ well right now I am stuck in dention or whatever, all because my mom didnt phone when I was sick. so I missed that class and supposely 2 classes before that. Whatever I dont care. As long as I get to my house soon, so I can talk to adam^^ and also to my cousin...to see if she is free on the 4th of august^^ cause...of some reason^^ hehe^^ my arm hurts...I tried to climb outta my window..that didnt really work...I hit the damn metal thingy. and cut myself a little on it. and fell to the ground. about like a story high or whatever. Ow did it hurt! and it was like 3am in the morning when I tried to get out. anyways...damn...I am going into bad withdrawl...I seem normal on the outside...but hell...on the inside thats another thing...well hmm...what to say now? I hope I can finish my dress that I am making and send it to adame^^ since he isnt coming in june...not for my bday :( oh well think happy^^ think about him just coming later on^^ hehe^^ then I will be 15 and soon 16^^ hehe^^ and at 16...hmmm...not saying^^ well I must go now before my arm falls off lol^^ love you all^^ byebye^^ love you adame^^ hope you like the avi^^
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Tuesday, May 10, 2005

   my mom said no...
waaa! my mom said no! to adame...I cant see him this june. I cant see him ever! WAAAAAA! I am so sad. damnit! why does my mom have to put her foot down now? waa! hell even my cousin says I should meet him. thats how she meet David(her boyfriend) only a few know how they really met. waaa! maybe he could just come but without my mom knowing. hell everyone would say something so she doesnt know. even my cousin, shes cool, she said I can ask her for help with anything. she would have driven me to meet him and everything. WAAAAA! I cant wait 3 damn years...cause I know my mom will never say yes. she will say no. and in 3 years I should be 18. waaa! cant wait that long...why cant my mom just say yes?! waa...I am so lonely now...

my arm hurts and I am so lonely that doesnt go good...:(...waaa! so many things have gone wrong already...my life sucks right now...well bye...forever maybe...
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Monday, May 9, 2005

sorry about yesterday people...
sorry about yesterday people...I was and still am pissed off at someone. Dan as you can tell...him a jerk asshole and everything else. sorry really pissed off...at lunch today...Dan...umm he sent one of his boys to come see me. I told greg that it wasnt him. it wasnt it was someone else...wonder what he thinks. anyways...I need to go now...byebye...I wonder if he still wants to see the thing...well bye
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Sunday, May 8, 2005

   goddamnit!
goddamnit!! I cant find a damn usa stamp! god fucking damnit! of course I always find one when I dont need it! damn it! now I cant send the thing to adame! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!where the hell can I get one?! damn it! I need to find one soon! damn fucking hell! now I cant send it before monday the 9th! why you may ask. cause on the 9th it will be 2 months since me and adame have been together. *crys* now...I cant....damn it ...whatever he'll know either way...I cant...send him...the poem...and something else! *sobs* life is so unfair! waaa! I need to send it soon! damn it!

ok...greg or Pan or anyone who reads this and knows me probably thinks I'm beening fucking weird or whatever! but I dont give a fuck! damnit! now I am fucking swearing every fucking second! FUCK! you have no idea how pisssed off I am right now! fucking hell! I think I should go now...before I start to day stuff that isnt right...which I am already doing...I mean more....fucking hell! I am gonna go...I have a family thing...mothers day thing.

Damn it! sorry everyone...I am just really pissed! and...FUCK! I hate my fucking one friend! fuck! adame will probably hate me but whatever! fucking hell! I cnat fuckig sit still! thanks a fucking lot dan! you fucker! sorry people! probably if greg reads this he will know why...fucking hell! I need to go...family thing and I need to fucking kill dan! fucking hell! so many things are fucking wrong! why dont I just kill myself right fucking now?! fuck! I cant...I wont....I dont know anymore! fuck!

I'll be outta the house at 1pm my time...so yeah! fuck! bye!
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Thursday, May 5, 2005

blah
blah. I got to go to a rugby game after school. I dont think i can play cause my hip is bothering me. also cause i have no idea what i am gonna do. anyways I got to go to that and then go home and I am gonna be tired so I wont be msn or yahoo or anything. and on sunday I gots to go to a family thingy for mothers day^^ wooh! lol and on saturday adame is calling^^ hehehe^^ I is gonna send him something...but I lost his address! waaa! *crys* I cant believe I did! *sobs* well I is gonna go...byebye...gotta go to rugby. byebye
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Tuesday, May 3, 2005

   interesting
I have to talk normal tomorrow, because I never do. I told yuki and greg that I would, and if I dont yuki can hit me. but greg cant because he hits me to much already. anyways...I get to go to the river with Pan in the morning tomorrow too^^ we were going to have a rugby game today but nope:( oh well, I am surpised that adam didnt read the last post. oh well. thats kinda good...well I better go...see you later people^^ oh yeah to anyone who thinks that me and rugby-tank are going out...not true! he has a girlfriend...Pan but her real name is the same as mine. but her's is french. anyways...byebye. see you later. love you adam.
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Sunday, May 1, 2005

   you know whats weird...
I write dark, evil, death poems...but I write like happy, light, love songs...thats weird...and what my msn name is...cant remember it now its like "The person who loves you the most doesnt care about what you look like on the outside.they care about what you look like on the inside.."thats part of my song that I am trying to finish...

Well some people know him as James...my ex...I havent talked to him since he broke up with me...and stuff...(I dont know if I should say this cause adame will read it and stuff and Pan says that its not important and she says he is just being a que(ass) cause he still likes you probably and stuff...and shes says I shouldnt say it to adame but I say that I should so whatever I just am) well he talked to me and said "yeah on the inside you are a.."..he called me...a cheat....I was like that the ****? I was like why would you say that and he didnt answer so I just left and then punched a hole in my wall...well I hate to leave this post at that...but I got to go...byebye.. I wanna punch a hole in the wall just thinking about that...or better yet..him...byebye
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