Wednesday, June 1, 2005

   I am a little better but then again I'm not...
I'm not so depressed well I am at times, and at those times I can be very depressed. See I am starting to think that I will hurt the people that I love. All my friends, Adam...my family...I dont want to...but...I'm scared that I will. I made up my mind. I wont go near my friends anymore...I wont go near my family, I will stay in my room all day or try to get out as much as I can...And as for Adam...I dont know. I cant stand not being with him...but then I dont want to hurt him...I cant make up my mind! I am going to stay away from the computer too unless I have to do some homework on it. I am going to stay away from Yuki, Greg,Pan,Colin,Andy and everyone else...I will just walk around. I wont go to the corner. I wont. I wont. I just know, I just know that I will hurt them. I wont go there anymore. If I do I will just hurt them, I will do something and they will get hurt. I wont go near my family....Adam...I'm sorry but...I dont want to hurt you...and if I keep talking to you...I will. God do I feel like crying...I feel like my heart just got riped out of my body...I want to stay with Adam...but I just know that I will hurt him...I already made him depressed and I dont want to do that ever again. I...I...I...I am never going to be happy again...I...I...wont talk to anyone...Tonight is the last night that I will be on the computer...after that...no more...I...cant hurt anyone anymore...I have already hurt many people....I dont want to leave Adam...but...I dont want to hurt him anymore...or ever again...good bye people...I will post maybe next week...I'm so sorry...I feel like crying now...I must go before...I do cry...I am sorry Adam...I am...so sorry...I dont deveser to live with anyone...I will just hurt them...I dont want to but...I will...I wont go near anyone...anymore...I will just hurt them...I should go...but...I need to tell everyone that I am sorry for everything that I did...I'm sorry for what I may do...I am not going to have a birthday party...because then...I have to be with people...I dont want to be...I wont go near anyone...I will just hurt them all. I feel so much like crying! like screaming! I cant trust myself with anyone...I cant...be with Adam anymore...sorry Adam...I want to be...but...I' sorry...I cant be with anyone...I cant live with anyone...I will just hurt them all...and...I dont want to..I cant...be with you Adam...I'm...I'm...I'm so...sorry...my heart just got riped out...I feel like I am about to die...I just lost the person I love the most cause I dont want to hurt them...I'm I'm...sorry! I must go...good...good-bye...I wont go near anyone...sorry..I am about to cry...bye...













Adam you are the only one that ever understands me. I know I should be with you...but I know I will hurt you.. And I dont want to do that...my heart is ripeing apart..I love you more than anything..I'm sorry...good bye...


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