Sunday, June 19, 2005

   Fuck this! so fucking pissed right now! gone to cut more!
-I give up-(feb 8,2005)

I give up on
Loving you, I've
Tried to love you
Even if you didn't
Love me. I've loved
You so much that
Everyone knew but you.
I've tried to make you love me.

Whenever I try to do something
Right, something for you. You just
get mad say that I can't do anything
Right or that I shouldn't be here.
Well you were right there,I'm not
Going to be here anymore.

The only thing I ever wanted in my life
Was for you to love me as much as I loved
You. But I can see now that it will never
Happen. I am going now. The Knife">Knife">Knife">Knife">Knife">Knife">Knife">knife is
So close. I feel it against my skin.
I finally gave up on you. I give up on
Loving you, even though I still do.

The Knife">Knife">Knife">Knife">Knife">Knife">Knife">knife is the only thing that
On me. not like you. when you gave
Up on trying to be nice to me, you started
To yell at me, hurt me, everything that you weren't
You made me give up on loving you. You made me do this.
I have finally decied to just give up on you.
I finally give up on loving you.
I give up...

-Waiting-(Feb 5.2005)
I am here, waiting
For you to call
Waiting for anyone
To call. I've been waiting for
All my life. I am tired of waiting.
All I ever do is wait for people.

Now I am sitting here
By the phone, waiting
I can fell the Knife">Knife">Knife">Knife">Knife">Knife">Knife">knife on
My hand, its touching
My skin, my wrist
Its so close. I want
Someone to phone. but
No one will ever...Never.

The Knife">Knife">Knife">Knife">Knife">Knife">Knife">knife is so close.
It is waiting like I am
I cant wait anymore
I take the Knife">Knife">Knife">Knife">Knife">Knife">Knife">knife.
I feel my blood.
I close my eyes...now I hear
The phone, I'm to tired to get it.
Tired of waiting but this time
The phone is ringing for real
But I dont want to wait.
I close my eyes forever.
Tired of waiting...

-Love/Hate-(July 8, 2004)
Why do I hate him?
Why do I love him?
Why does he bug me
But I still love him?
Why?Why?Why?
I cant. Why I just say
That I love him?
Why?Why?Why?
Why do I hate him?
Why do I love him?
Why does he bug me
So much but I still
Love him as much?
Why?Why?Why?
Why cant he just
See that I love him?
Do I have to tell to
The world that I
Love him?!
Why?Why?Why?
Why do I hate him?
Why do I love him?

You love me-(March 15, 2005)
You love me but you
Dont really know who I am.
You think you do but have
You ever looked inside me?
No, you never have. You never
Took the time to get to really
Know me. You think you do...
You think you love me but
Really you just loving it that
You have someone to finally love.

You love me but you dont
Really know who I really
Am inside. All you see is my
Outside. my shell. not my inside.
I always wonder if you love me for
Just having someone or if you
Really love me. Whenever I ask that
You kiss me and say " I love you for
You." So whenever you do that.
I want to think that you really do.

You love me but I think
That you only love the thought
About you having someone to
Care about you. I think you never
Really loved me or anything. Please
Tell me that you really love me for
Who I am. And dont lie to me
Please tell me that you do
Really know who I am. because
I know I love you and I truely know
Who you are. You are my love.
My true love. My only love. I love you
Do you love me as you say you do?...


Those may be old poems but thats how I feel right now! I'm pissd off at someone and they know who they are! I dont really even want to talk to them anymore! Know what...Damn them! I dont give a fuck anymore! I waited all night! fuck that! I feel like crying now but I wont! I cant cry over that person! I wont! I wont! I...wont...damn! fucking hell! I am! I dont feel like talking to anyone! I dont want to be loved by anyone either! I...I...dont love anyone anymore! I dont love anyone! no one for me! I shall die alone...I want to die right now! hell I already started to cut myself again. but hell! no one cares! they just say they do but they really just want to get me alone! fuck all that shit! I dont give a fuck! I need a smoke! fuck all this shit! fuck them! fuck everyone! I should be happy cause I got my hair dyed again and it looks awsome! but I'm to fucking pissed! And they damn fucking know who they are! who cares! I am going! fuck all this! bye! gone to cut some more!
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