Friday, August 26, 2005

   Tired of not being myself!! Tired of all this mess!
I'm tired of being the fucking dress up doll! I wont fucking change who I am! Don't like it then go fuck yourself! Sorry for all the swearing people but this is just how I feel right now. I've been the dress up doll person for anyone and everyone! I'm tired of it! They are trying to change who I am. I'm happy with who I am. If your not then oh well. All that matter is that I am happy with who I am.

Damn...I hate thinking! So many things going on in my head! Why would it just shut up?! I fucking am going crazy. Why do I have to think about all this shit today?! I'm going crazy! Wanting to die but I wont. I think it's stupid how people say that if you kill yourself it will only make it worse. Really it doesn't cause your died and yeah. Fuck! I'm listen to "Alone I Break" By Korn, Over and over again. I can't stop thinking! Damn...I want to go away and never come back... Here are the lyrics to that song. I cant stop listen to it right now...

Title: Alone I Break
Artist: Korn
Album: Greatest Hits Vol. 1

Pick me up
Been bleeding too long
Right here, right now
I'll stop it somehow

I will make it go away
Can't be here no more
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone
These feelings will be gone
These feelings will be gone

Now I see the times they change
Leaving us, it seems so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Shut me off
I'm ready
Heart stops
I stand alone
Can't be my own

I will make it go away
Can't be here no more
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone
These feelings will be gone
These feelings will be gone

Now I see the times they change
Leaving us, it seems so strange
I am hoping I can find

Where to leave my hurt behind
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Am I going to leave this place?
What is it I'm running from?
Is there nothing more to come?
(Am I gonna leave this place?)
Is it always black in space?
Am I going take its place?
Am I going to win this race?
(Am I going to leave this race?)
I guess God's up in this place?
What is it that I've become?
Is there something more to come?
(More to come)

Now I see the times they change
Leaving us, it seems so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?


I need to get outta my house. I wish I could go somewhere away from the city, away from everyone! I'm going to go now. I hope I can stay alive...I'll talk to you later...maybe....bye
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