Tuesday, September 2, 2003

   Murphy's Laws Of Anime, re-posted
I used to have this in the now-down Fan Articles section. If you like such a thing. . .here it is.

Murphy's Law Meets Anime

I'm certain you've heard of Murphy's law (whatever can go wrong, will). Unfortunately, Murphy's Law and anime can sometimes collide. . .

The quality of the video card on your PC is inversely proportionate to whatever you wish to view. A site or spam e-mail you never wanted to see in your life will show up fine, but the card will freeze and crash should you try to view something on which you just blew a large portion of your money. (Law of Woeful Video Cards)

Your interest in a particular anime will often be the exact opposite of what someone in very close proximity to you thinks of it. (Law of Loud Complaint)

If you buy the dub, the sub will be better, and vice versa. (Law of Greener Pastures)

If there is a questionable scene, it will show the second the person *most* likely to be offended by it enters the room. (Law of Total Embarrassment)

Telemarketing calls, emergencies, explosions of dog barking or loud family arguing, and urgent requests for your assistance bailing someone out of a complicated computer problem: all will happen during the last or a major episode of televised anime which you are not recording, and will usually occur right at the most important plot juncture. (Law of Incredibly Bad Timing)

If you establish the case that most anime fans are indeed respectable people on an internet forum, soon enough, a rude 15 year old will arrive and sorely test that statement. (Law Of The Smart-Mouth)

If an anime is too widely popular, it will become a wide franchise, and episodes after that time will no longer be good, but will be mere advertising spots for the products sold. (Law Of Collector's Mania)

Cosplay outfits always look worse on you than you think they do. (Law of Appearance Differential)

If you finally own all the anime you want to own, and a DVD player, and a good TV or PC, you will be burglarized the next week. (Lars Senny's Law)

If you're eating while watching, the most disgusting/goriest scene in the entire series or movie will come up just as you take the last bite of your food. (Law of Ugh)

Usually, the higher the hype, the worse the anime. (Law of Overly Hyped Anime)
(Corollary of I Missed The Boat: If you actually avoid an anime because of the hype surrounding it, it will turn out to be really good.)

If you lend your best DVD to someone, it will come back with a large scratch. (Law Of Loan Scars)

If you decide to record a televised anime in its second run, not all of the episodes will be shown, they will not be shown in order, or they will be edited for advertising time as well as content. (Law of Look, You're Buying The Box Set)

If you publically complain about the incidence of the above law, someone will offer to run you off pirated copies of their DVDs of said series. (Law of Thanks A Heap)
(Corollary of "Federal What?") If you accept, this person will probably be an FBI agent in disguise.

If you openly proclaim yourself an anime fan, prepare to be misunderstood. (Law of That's Not How It Is)

If you have a big-screen TV and DVD player, and anyone within 20 miles is an anime fan also, you will never watch alone. (Law of Hey, Neighbor)

Into every anime, some totally unnecessary fanservice must fall. (Law of How Did They Get THAT Camera Angle)

If an anime is too popular, ADV will make it into a live-action film that looks like cosplay gone horribly wrong. (Law of No! NOOOOO!)

If you have a limited budget and two anime series to choose from, the anime you choose to buy will invariably be the worse of the two. (Law of Why Didn't I Read The Review)

And finally, if you're sitting here and actually reading this, odds are that you have not seen any of it as funny, and you wonder why I even bother writing. (Law of Infectious Ennui)
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