Monday, February 27, 2006

Take me now; hungry for your lovin'

Evil & Becksicle: Phew, glad to hear my explanation didn't make you two more confused. Great to have you onboard. Sarah: Tell me about it. I've ordered/bought some stuff even though money is really tight for me now. Le sigh. MC: Awesome. Welcome to the Literati Square League. Annie: *polishes halo* Naughty? Me? Surely not, hrm. Liam: Get thee out into that garden and enjoy it for two. I shall be with thee in spirit. And shush. I am not worthy of thine praise ¬¬ Tapdancing men are hawt. Like wildfire in the bush. The Australian movie "Bootmen" reminded me of that. Thinking so also reminded me that - while mom thinks (and I agree, to some extent) that I've grown up quite a bit - I'm incredibly immature for not getting over SugarLips. In that regard I'll always be a babe in the woods, sneered at by the wolves. And now for some proper sentences. A few weeks back I cut my hair, only this time it didn't end up as well as last time. Poor mom looked so heartbroken about my appearance that I agreed to let her pay for a visit to the hairdressers' 0:-] Some girl I'd not seen before worked on it and had me in love with the cut even after she was done with styling it. The one who usually do my hair tends to do a great job with cutting the hair but then fail horribly at the styling part. So now it just needs some colour. There's little over 1 inch of blonde outgrowth that sort of clashes with the overall attempt at looking brunette. Oh how I envy those who can have black hair. Still, I am content with brown. Sometimes being blonde isn't all that bad either but it always goes back to the brownness. And it seems people agree that I make a better brunette than blonde. Kind of like how my sister Angela is a natural blonde but looks awesome in red. We were born into the wrong hair colour, I swear. We'll be unloading some boxes tomorrow, which means I'll get a first look at how the new apartment looks in 3D. So far I've only seen the layout of it, no real pictures of the rooms. That'll be interesting. According to dad there is blue wallpaper in the one I've got dibs on. Hopefully it'll be a shade I can live with, for whatever duration, because re-decorating isn't a top priority. For anyone, I imagine. I have a headache tonight again . Bothersome. Ah well. CSI is on in 1½ hours.

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Saturday, February 25, 2006

I cannot use a comma to save my soul

A curse on all my hormones! Bonus points if you know where that quote got derived from. I long for Spring. Something else I long for is sitting in a park with the sun peering through the foliage, feeling the wind gently breeze past and send shivers of bliss up my spine. It really makes me wish I were closer to someone I could share a moment like that with, like Liam, when those intense images pop up. A boy toy is the next best thing after a real boy, after all! Bah, there's too much love and sensuality flowing right now that doesn't have a direction. Give me an outlet! I'll even settle for an inlet, lol. ...... How does castration work? /completely morbid thought coming from nowhere O.o Speaking of love makes me think of Pyro, which leads me to announce that I finally have "L.A Confidential" *happy dancing* It's been on my wishlist ever since I saw it so to finally own what is a truly superb movie, feels good. My mom and dad completely surprised me by buying "Lady and the Tramp" for me at the same time! It explains why I got the feeling mom monitored me closely when we browsed the DVD rack XD Before grabbing some DVD's and books (new World Atlas for Mimmi!) we were browsing IKEA, where I unintentionally fell in love with a massproduced painting. Everything about it just hit that special chord that is so hard to explain I sometimes doubt its existence. Until it strikes again, that is. Also up for my grabby little hands was a new chair to sit on while messing around on the computer. My old one was fine, if you don't count the squeakyness, but I tried this one out the last time we were at IKEA and it just owned the pants off of my old one. Literally. (The old chair is clad in a jeans-like fabric :p) New chair moves quietly, is über comfortable, spins, reclines and looks pretty *applauds it* But enough about the chair. I need to form a huddle with Becksicle and Evil for a moment to go over the line of destruct---- the line of how to operate Literati Square. Hrm. If you've played Scrabble, you're pretty much clued in on how Literati works. Though from what I've understood, some people who've played Scrabble allow placing letters so they align with others but don't make a word. That doesn't work in Literati. Whenever you put a letter down, it has to make real words with whichever letter it lines up with. For instance: Clicky. Find the word "lust" written in deep pink. It connects to "sesquicentennial" in dark blue. See how it makes the words "us" and "it" as it connects with "quixotic"? That's what I'm talking about when rambling about making new words as you align and connec your word with an existing one on the board. Hopefully it'll make more sense as people start contributing words and you can see how they go about it. Especially since I suck majorly at explaining things such as board games ^_^; Kitty Kei-Kei: So good Shin came along to fix our situation *happily reads/comments/stalks Plushies* >> Oh, and the Square is ready for you whenever you are =D Evil and Becksicle: Explanation provided but if there's any uncertainty, please let me know ^_^; John: *laughs* That's ok. I sprung the idea on you after you gave me the word, after all *hugs* Shimmy-Loo: *takes your name and uses it for illegal activities* Badness: Mmmmm, can't wait to see what you come up with ~_^ Sarah the Beautiful: You've got it! MC: Haha, don't worry about that. You can always leave me a word (and color!) and I'll fix it into an appropiate place when it's your turn? Either way, we've made time for participants before so I see no reason for why we can't do the same for you =D PS: I'm moving in a week and will say goodbye to the town I've lived in for 24 years O.o

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Thursday, February 23, 2006

Literati Square officially open for business!

John got to be the unsuspecting first victim, by accident, so now it's time for the rest of you to put down your name and throw yourselves into the game! Feel free to go by your regular name, or why not use an alias? I'm also thinking the 'Literati Square' participants could get the opportunity to share some trivia about the word they chose. Such as its personal meaning to them, how it was used in a favourite quote, or simply what it means. Be sure to include this (if you want to) when its your turn and I PM you for the word and colour =) Alright, ladies and gentlemen! The comment box is open for official sign-ups to !~The Literati Square~! Edit: If John has something to share about his word of choice, I'll put it up here later =)

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Wednesday, February 22, 2006

I feel like saying stuff but I'm not gonna. Nyah. It's not like it'd be anything new anyway. And the reactions to it would be the same so I might as well zip it. In other news: Literati Square returns! Bossyness demands it, after all *clings* Edit: Kei's place is acting wonky these days *pouts* First I couldn't access it and now it won't let me comment. Rawr! Oh, and the 'stuff' is nothing negative *smiles and snuffles Slick* It's the same old lovey-dovey garble that needs to find a new home, lol.

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Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Wait a minute mr Postman

I luff you, Kei and I'm gonna frame you :p Sarah: Hehe, mom got sick yesterday so it's a good thing I caught up on my rest when I did. *hugs* You take it easy too, ehum. Slick: Yeah, that was really stupid of me to say. Kind of like saying: "Oh look, a crocodile just tore my arm off and I'm bleeding like a heapload, but it'll be alright once I'm at the hospital and those doctors fix me up" <-- spoken like Steve Irwin. John: Noooo, I'm immature *pouts* And sick. Though the sick part is dying down now. Becksicle: Nothing solves a problem more than solving it, I've discovered :p No more hands on Mimmi. Only hands on the problem. *holds out her plate for more waffles* Pyro: The fault was on both sides, totally, and we've accepted that *nods* By 'we', I mean mom and I. Not me and all the other versions of me. The world is such an illogical place when it's easier to take the pain than to solve it *shakes saucepan at logic* ..... And your everhelpful advice reminds me that I still need to make that collage. Must find images *plans* Liam: Hey now, don't start with the whole comparing drops that fall into the ocean. The situation you're going through is rough on you and that's the sentiment we share, along with cheering each other up when trying to reach the other side *hugs*

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Sunday, February 19, 2006

So, the flu started last Thursday and at first seemed to not get worse and slowly get better. Until Wednesday this week kicked in. Mom and dad were out of town when I noticed there were some groceries missing for my dinner. Seeing how the flu was calm at the moment I went for it. On my way to the store it kinda hit home how sick I really was. When the bag of groceries fell apart - not even halfway home - and I had to carry them in my arms, it hit me even harder. The soreness it gave me didn't subside until today, if that's any indication of how bad things are. Still, that stupid move could only be blamed on me since I could've waited for the parents to come home. When they did, mom said they'd take care of everything from now on. I wouldn't have to do a thing. (Going through papers that dealt with almost getting raped a couple of years back didn't help matters, I suppose.) Because of my current unemployment status, there's a lot of paperwork that needs to be taken care of. This was very much the case on the Thursday. An old employer needed some papers to sign, another needed to correct the dates he'd put me down for working with him, some of my medicine was out so a trip to the pharmacy was neccessary and there were papers that had to be sent off in the mail. With the flu really knocking me over, and mom's promise of them taking care of me, I thought they'd deal with the stuff that I told them had to be done. But dad was busy painting most of the morning, then he was off to somewhere for hours, and there was no use in asking him to run 5 errands for me. As if it wasn't bad enough I had to depend on someone else to help me out, I didn't want their foul mood spewed all over me for needing help. There was no point in asking mom either, because she was not feeling well and her arm still isn't 100% better after her fall. So despite having ZERO energy left in me, I had to trudge out in terrible weather and take care of business. Weakened to the max, plus some additional weakening (even though that's not possible if you're already weakened as much as you can be). Despite being hammered into the ground by utter powerlessness, I still tried to keep my spirits up. The damage had been done anyway, right? Well, it didn't feel like my parents got it through their head just how bad of a state I was in and when they got into some inane argument while I was trying to eat.... it just snapped me in half. I'm highly sensitive to how my surrounding is when I eat. If it's tense or pressured, then I simply can't eat. All apetite was lost, and to best sum up how things were I will recount a dream I had afterwards: Two of my sisters, mum and I were back at the house. They were building something, completely ignoring me while I tried to tell them that I wasn't feeling well. In a desperate attempt to make them see, I smashed their creation and pointed to it while screaming: "LOOK! See that? That's me, I'm broken, shattered into a million pieces and I can't be fixed!" Whatever remained of the day was spent cooped up in my room, slowly fading into a minimum state of existance, trying to save whatever was left of me. The following day mom and dad had to be off again. I opted to stay home, figuring it'd give me the space needed to pull myself together. And it worked. By the time they got home I felt well enough to try and calmly explain just how bad things had gotten. That I was at an end. Unfortunately, it went right over their heads. It was just like in my dream where I was screaming for dear life, only to be met with "Oh, well that's not good" and the two of them not giving it any more thought than that. I went back to my room hating myself for wanting to communicate, hating how that tiny part of my brain going "nyah, told you so" was right once more. Most of all it destroyed me how I [for once] so desperately wanted them to see, understand and help me. First I was really upset and crying. Then it turned into rage, mostly geared towards myself for constantly being proven right regarding things that I am so vulnerable about. Feeling the fury build up inside me was terrifying because I knew it had to come out but at the same time had no idea how to go about releasing it without harming myself or destroying whatever was in my reach. Slapping myself real hard about the face didn't help me snap out of it, neither did throwing a few soft objects, so I crawled into bed and lay there in a cramped up fetal position trying to weather it out. At this point mom came in, telling me how she'd thought about what I'd said, up until retreating into my room, and finally understood. She wanted to apologize, help me. Every fiber in my body yelled at me not to budge, throwing in my face how it had only made things worse whenever I tried to correct a situation. "Hold on to that fury. Don't give them another chance to hurt you." But for some reason I can't ignore wanting to clear things up, even if they start off horrible, get a whole lot worse, and maybe appear like they'll never be resolved. It tires me to live and approach life like I used to. And so I pushed myself to go that extra length. Slowly we got a grip of the situation and dealt with it. Since then I've rested, accepting that right now I am on standby. Comfortably numb makes sense. At least until I have a reason to push the on button again. Usually I add a bit of drama to heighten emotions, but this time I actually toned it down. How about that, heh. You guys don't need to worry about me. I'm not suicidal or giving up on life. My emotions are simply out of color and are sent off to regain their shine. I've gotten through worse times. And so have others.

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Friday, February 17, 2006

(It's one of the sheep smileys I did; no worries, Pyro *hugs*)


AHA! There is a darker side *celebrates*

Go forth and be honest!

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Wednesday, February 15, 2006

   Christian Bale was brilliant even at the early age of 13!

I'm joining the bandwgon - Feel free to jump on it, too :p Shimmy-Loo: ..... *gags* Better off not thinking, at all, of that *_* Liam: The sheep owns you! You just don't know it yet ¬¬ Evil: But does one really need to know anything else, besides Quelle Dommage? No! =D (Well, maybe baguette - because it's nice to nibble on and makes a handy weapon.) John: My cold is shaking in its boots at all the good things you've listed! Soon it will be nothing but a puddle .... uhm, yeah *coughs* Becksicle: *poses with her swatter* Praise those who deserve it, plenty, that's my motto =D Charlie: I miss those more negative adjectives, as well. It'd give people a chance to point them out without feeling [too] mean.

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Tuesday, February 14, 2006

   Return of the smileys. I feel little again.
Eh, I can't be bothered with the tables today.

The fly---- seriously, I constantly keep hitting y instead of u. From now on it shall be known as the fly. And it shall be said with a French accent, with lots of spit and disdain. In your face, stupid fly!

Anyway, as I was saying, the fly is a hardheaded little sucker and while it has been nicer to my respitory system, it's messing up my head instead. There's also the paintfumes from the kitchen (dad's painting the cabinet doors) to equate into the matter. Not much of the stench has passed through my door, but I'm sure there's still some of it leaking in [that I don't notice immideately].


Something completely unrelated, though actually very related now that I think about it: During my sickness (and possibly shortly before it kicked in) I've been photoshopping something like 100 sheep smileys. Tada.

---

Blackjack: *hugs and gives him the fly* Pass it along, brave soldier! =)

Pyro: Aw, don't beat yourself up over it. The fly is undeserving! My less sickly thoughts are with you *hugs*

John: You're right. If only I had inspiration, I'd do a completely bogus update filled with believable stuff that would never happen to me. Something to keep in mind *notes and hugs*


Becksicle: *hugs* Thank you ^_^ And I really look forward to more chapters from your novel! What you've published already has been super and your past writings have been equally wonderful to read =)
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Sunday, February 12, 2006

   *holds breath*

I think it's calming down but will wait for it to die completely before shaking my glorious fist in the air and claiming victory >___> Thank you so much, everyone, for your support and love! :3 It's nice to not feel like you've got someone pushing their thumbs against your windpipe >_< Good thing I don't suffer too heavily of claustrophobia and panicked, considering how hard it was to breathe anyway *laughs* As far as choosing between flu and anxiety attacks, hmmm. While anxiety attacks are pretty awful, they're easier (for me) to manage than a flu. My body tends to react very strangely to something as common as a cold, so you can imagine what it does with a flu ^_^; Luckily I don't suffer from either of them often. Uhm. This tendency to be side-tracked is becoming slightly bothersome. I don't mind it when I'm Photoshopping, though. Some of my better ideas have developed when focusing on something entirely different. But trying to write an entry here and suddenly finding yourself staring at the screen for several minutes without really thinking of what to add .... well :p

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