Friday, April 8, 2005

Alan suggested I try online dating to make me feel less needy/lonely.
So if you're single and male, go ahead and ask me out on a date.

Uh, I'm not sure if I'm serious or not. It'd probably make me feel a teensy bit better, though at the same time make me depressed since all of you would only offer because you're so good to me. So just ignore this for now. Yeah.

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I'm a lazy, lazy writer sometimes. Usually when I'm sitting at the computer the sentences comes out complete, unlike when I just jot down thoughts on paper. But when that lazy mode kicks in I can only get out "he does this, she does that, this/that happens" and it becomes a chore to put more description in.

My problem is most likely that I see the scene, in my head, so I know everything and it becomes annoying to write it down because I want all those details in it (like how the setting looks like, facial expressions, etc) to show people how I imagine it to play out. Arrr.

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Commenty commenty on comments:

Shimmy Shammy: *sits vigil on AIM*

Bikini Queenie: I'll try not to keep you waiting for too long.

Lunai: Oo, sounds interesting. Word games are good.

John: Yep, googled it. "Treasure map" (I think).

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Badness: Your creative ways would help me along a long ways, I imagine. *sucks on the offer*

Jailbait: I do declare, you will be the death of me.

Johnny boy: *sings a hymn instead*

Blue Hawk: I honestly don't know if he'd look terrified or way too eager to comply, which frankly makes me wonder about him. *cough*

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Thursday, April 7, 2005

Eh, the angsting worked a little too well and now I can't get myself to write a particular scene that is ... hm, probably shouldn't tell you about that just yet. *deep sigh* If I could just get me a male muse for a little while, then it would be no problem to wrap up the scene but as it stands now I get [more] depressed trying to approach it. Which isn't good because it's the very last thing I've got to add - everything else is pretty much put in where it's supposed to be and is waiting for that final piece.

Mmm, fiddled some more with the button instead (added another square where the title of the story will go ..... once I decide on a font and a color, hehe).

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Here's the map, Azure. Maybe it'll make you feel less lost =p

I am writing on the story. Most of it's lined out now, though it's not ... I mean ... uhm ... well *warble*.

Yeah, brain's not functioning very well today. Too caught up with getting lost in thoughts and motions/notions. Heh, once the story's done I might share a thought it has spawned, that you might find interesting. Or not. All I know is that I found it funny, in a bittersweet kind of way. And that thought is also sort of making me wonder how I should end the story. Maybe I'll have to write out an alternative ending and run it by you guys. We'll see.

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To finish up this post, here are the lyrics to a song I find is very fitting to my story:


Been spending so much time underground
I guess my eyes adjusted
To the lack of light
I got
Covered in darkness
Covered in darkness

I have been waiting
Always waiting for something new
Happiness has always ended
In the blink of an eye
There was no one attending
No one attending

It doesn't really matter where it all began
All I know
I got covered in darkness
Covered in darkness

Ever wonder why I never really truly connect
Although my eyes are open
I can hold your gaze
But I am never connected
Never connected

I am famous for my generosity
They say I am the kindest
But it is easier to
Give than receive love
Give than receive love

It doesn't really matter where it all began
All I know
I was covered in darkness
Covered in darkness

Turning pages over
Run away to nowhere
And it's hard to take control
When your enemy's old and afraid of you
You'll discover that the monster you were running from
Is the monster in you

Better to hold on to love
Better to hold on to love
Change will come

It doesn't really matter where it all began
All I know
I was covered in darkness
Covered in darkness

It doesn't really matter where it all began
Cuz all I know
I was lost
I was lost
No, no

It doesn't really matter where it all began no no
All I know
I was lost
I feel lost
Lost
No...

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EDIT: I haven't played a game of Literati in ages. Sadness.
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Wednesday, April 6, 2005

Made button from scratch, googled the background image and converted it to black and white, stuck button on top of it. Also added my little signature in the upper right corner.
The idea for it came about as I was typing down a rough draft for the rest of the story. Thanks for the comments on it, by the way *hugs*

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Blue Hawk: Fire away those questions, I don't mind =) The button will be used whenever I add the rest of the story, I imagine.

Chloegrrl: As long as you have an image-editing program, buttons are as easy to make them as you make them to be. Hehe.

Hotness: *bows* I am honored. And it's good to hear that it arrived so quickly (though they're still best served fresh out of the oven ... and with that sugar sprinkled on top of it, which we were out of when I made them *grumble*). I'm sure you'll enjoy my buns more than my buns anyway *nod nod*

Suaveness: Not as sexy as you =(

Bikini Annsie: Ooo, cool how music made it more effective *squishy hugs* And yes, there'll be an end to this story--- Uh, I mean O.o;

Hevn: For sure! I'd do a ... gah, what's it called ... Basically, the entire keyboard would be covered by one image (instead of individual images on each key) and it would be of a *CENSOR*naked man*CENSOR*, of course. Imagine dancing with your hands over that keyboard. Or maybe you shouldn't. That'd make you excited and kill Alan.

Akamaru: Aha, it's all coming together in my head now *nod*

Lunai: Aw *hugs* Feel better, okies?

Rustym: You're cooler *gives him a blanket*

Shabam: *blush blush* I'll be sure to bring an apple :3 Should I bring some rotten tomatoes too? *shifty*

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Tuesday, April 5, 2005

Because Azure thinks I need to use words

Continuation on my Matrix story (other parts can be found in my archives or over at OB in Anthology. James's "Reanimatrix" thread.) It needs tweaking and Shimmy Shammy is welcome to help out with my inability to comma correctly and grammar in general. Everyone else with a grasp of English too, of course. This is only half-finished, by the way. I'm not sure how much longer it'll end up before everything's been put into it. Ah well, have at it:

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She sunk dejectedly back into a cold metal chair, feeling as if the blood rushing from her head vanished into the shadows of the room. Low murmurs bled into the sound coming from a beat-up old fan, presumably left there to keep the room cold. But she was already frozen and it only made that feeling of her blood leaving her body grow stronger. As if warmth ... as if life, would never return to her again after this.

The low hum was lulling her thoughts, all jumbled up in a mess not too unlike the one she was herself. Craig was leaning in the doorway, gaze firmly locked to the ground, not moving a muscle. Asshole or no, he realized how delicate the situation was, what a false move would jeapordize. Everyone's hard work could be for nothing if he said one word wrong, everything they'd all busted their asses for was embodied in the girl sitting limp in a chair across the room from him.

Now was not the time to falter and yet he felt courage slipping away in each passing spin of the fan, time wasted in every blink of his eyes. Why did they have to assign him, of all people, to deal with her? He'd never done anything right when it came to that girl and somehow it didn't feel like today would be any different. But everything depended on it to be.

The sound of a chair grating against the cement floor made him look over to her. She was pushing herself away from the steely chunk of metal they called table and rose slowly. Her auburn hair shielded most of her face that would sometimes gently, almost carefully, radiate after a sucessful mission. He felt a tinge of pain in his chest at the thought of her picture perfect face of bravery she put on, that peeled away so fast when she thought no-one saw her. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear she inhaled heavily before opening her eyes.

".... I'm sorry"

It was said so meekly, so ... open. She'd never spoken to him in a tone that left her vulnerable and it managed to be more powerful than all the times he'd gotten an earful of verbal (sometimes physical) abuse slung his way during the time they'd worked together. The clumsy attempts that he and others had made at reaching out to her, to include her ... had just made her more distant. No matter how much he searched her face from a distance for clues on how to help her, nothing ever came to him. Now it was staring right at him.

"I'm really sorry, Craig."

The tears began to run down her face. He gave her a sad smile and wondered how many days and nights she had spent crying to herself in the dark. Shifting his weight to spin around he took a deep breath and waved his hand dismissively while straightening himself out. This time it was his turn to put on a brave face. Thinking about it made him chuckle, however strained.

"Heh, I'd love to stay and chat about whatever you think is requiring you to apologize to me but I've got a date with a couple bottles of beer and a deck of cards. Take a rain-check?"

".... Ok. Rain-check."

Shuffling down the hallway he shouted over his shoulder to her.

"I'll be thinking of you when I put my hands on that sweet Queen of Hearts!"

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SG - Super Hero style


Blue Hawk: A lady always need rescuing. Hehe.

Azure: I'll post a map for you tomorrow.

Bachelor Beau: No, not Shy. I was referring to SomeGuy, who works extra as our local hero. The image you have of Shy is pretty much the same as mine, heh.

Akamaru: ... A bunkie? ... Bunk-bed buddy? O.o =X

Hero: ^___^ I'm glad you approve, hehe. And don't worry about the cops. Leave them to us girls ;)

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Monday, April 4, 2005

It's only words: It's a train. Found by Googling "train engine", or something with those two words. If you imagine it being three times as big, you get the train from my dream.
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Sunday, April 3, 2005

*glomps everyone*

"Feeling blue?"

Gotta love Boring3D

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Random linkies

Mishima, anybody? ** Ninjas! ** .... Whoa! Something for James, mayhap?

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To Annie:
To be part of the Cherry Crew, simply fill in this form I posted a while back (and make sure what you choose as your Status hasn't been chosen already):

Name/Nickname: Either what you go by here/IRL or what I'd call you when needing/taking advantage of your "services"

Age: I need to know in advance if I'll get in trouble XP

Occupation/Status: Lover, masseur/masseuse, court jester, etc.

Qualifications: Tell me what makes you excel as a [insert preffered occupation/status here]

Sample: Sell yourself to me, convince me that you're the person for the job [of your choice]. Maybe even include an image ~_^

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Saturday, April 2, 2005

I really don't want to be here (edited with less dramatic effect)

Sorry for raining on everyone's parade.

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Have I mentioned that there are decorations being done in the house? So far dad's wallpapered the hallway, but it came out ghastly (in his opinion) and must therefore be done all over again, with all the work that involves. Today he's been changing the door frames. We'll have to put back the current doors, since we've got no money for the ones that're supposed to go up.

Lots of noise, a chaotic house, more tenseness going around than usual, my back hurting and my parents seemingly not giving a rats ass about how I'm feeling, among many other factors have just exhausted me.

I just really want to pack up a bag and go to someone elses house but it's not on the cards. *lists all the reasons*. I don't even have a pet to comfort myself with *sob*

*ends the post before it goes pathetic and overly dramatic again*
This is exactely why I shouldn't be posting right now *irk*

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