Friday, November 26, 2004

Crack out the crayons

Does anyone want to colorize my place? To go along with snuggly Naruto up there *points up* I'm really sorry to those I was talking to on AIM for just signing off like that, but ... I'm just really *gestures* The tolerance level is at zero and the stress level is sky rocketing. Not sure I should even attempt AIM at this stage. Sorry everyone.

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Life sucks and I blow my nose in its general direction

So I'm basically under house arrest. A simple thing such as pondering going out to the garage and working out is an endevour into Angst Land. Wheee. Good thing I'm feeling too exhausted then. Maybe I'll raid the post office this weekend. Except from the monthly money paper, nothing funny is getting through to me. Someone at the post office must be jealous of our swankily plain mailbox and exorts revenge by withholding the good stuff. Oooo once that bastard basketcase is gone, I shall go on a quest to take picatoors of all the funky mailboxes that drive my dad/the mailmen mad. Maybe even those obscene statues at the square.... My older sister is coming home today and will show us how buns are done the right way. Because she's studying to become a baker and is now in the know. We'll see how they compare to my lovely buns. She's still on antibiotics for the infection in her eye and was worried when she called because I sounded like I had a cold. Hopefully that's not the case. Though it gives me an excuse to be left alone *laughs* Mmmm, time to waste the day with an extended nap. Nighty nighty.

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Thursday, November 25, 2004

Need holiday

So he's released. Dad got a call from the police, apparently. He's still not cleared from the investigation but they just weren't allowed to hold him for longer. So now mom and dad wants to open up the discussion of moving again. Give me a break. I've not even had a chance to recover from the current stress that's taken over me. I'm still caught in the middle of it. This is seriously piling up too much on me and I. AM. FED. UP. James! Get that beach party organized and I'll take a loan and fly over. Don't forget to bring Pikachu since I plan on bringing loads of Swedish Ketchup for him. EDIT: To clarify, my dad was not the one released. The guy who's running around raping women was. *catches plane with Charmi*

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Result from Hadwriting Test

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Mia-Marlene has left lots of white space on the left side of the paper. Mia-Marlene fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion. If this is true, then Mia-Marlene has a healthy relationship to the past and is ready to move on. The right side of the page represents the future and Mia-Marlene is ready and willing to get started living now and planning for the future. Mia-Marlene would like to leave the past behind and move on. Mia-Marlene has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people. Something is incomplete in Mia-Marlene's life. She feels frustration relating to her physical needs and desires. Somewhere in her life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to Mia-Marlene's sexual needs. Mia-Marlene has a temper. She uses this as a defense mechanism when she doesn't understand how to handle a situation. Temper is a hostile trait used to protect the ego. Temper can be a negative personality trait in the eyes of those around her. Mia-Marlene is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. She finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Mia-Marlene basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average. In reference to Mia-Marlene's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Mia-Marlene slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project. She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Mia-Marlene can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip. Mia-Marlene is talkative. She enjoys talking and socializing. She may talk when there is absolutely nothing important to say. She enjoys speaking. (Heh, yes and no. If I'm really comfortable in a situation ... I can either feel that I don't need to talk or talk even more than if I were uncomfortable...) Mia-Marlene will demand respect and will expect others to treat her with honor and dignity. Mia-Marlene believes in her ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. She has a lot of pride. Mia-Marlene uses judgment to make decisions. She is ruled by her head, not her heart. She is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see her as unemotional. She does have emotions but has no need to express them. She is withdrawn into herself and enjoys being alone. The circumstances when Mia-Marlene does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets her mad enough to tell her off, she will not be sorry about it later. She puts a mark in her mind when someone angers her. She keeps track of these marks and when she hits that last mark she will let them know they have gone too far. She is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All her conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. She is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, she has poise. Mia-Marlene will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. She would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, she will show her love by the things she does rather than by the things she says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because she feels her mate should already know. The only exception to this is if she has logically concluded that it is best for her mate to hear her express her love verbally. Mia-Marlene is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to her, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of her sound judgment. She will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. She will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and she will always ask "Is this best for me?" (Oh man. I do express my emotions and more than often I'm ruled by my heart. But my head is very much involved in any decision I do, that's true. And I usually keep extreme emotions to myself, haha. Unless it's extreme joy/happiness. I don't know. On one hand I'd say this part is mostly wrong but on the other hand there are a lot of grains of truth.) People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Mia-Marlene doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others. And there you have it.

Thank you aoi' for the Pikachu Volleyball game. I finally had the time and energy to try it out, hehehe. But how to you get him to do a smash?

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Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Surreal

First off, I'm going to comment on the comments that've come on during the short time period the last post had been up: HC: I love being 'bothered' by you! You should see my face whenever I see you log on, lol. "^_____^" Shin: Haha, you and me both. I figure that if people approach me, it's because they have time and I won't have to worry about disturbing them >> Azure: *laughs* You need more freedom! *steals his pants* There we go XD Sugar Lips: You said it better than I did *smiles* I share your sentiments. Sexyness: I couldn't help but laugh when I read your comment, lol. You're so awesome *hugs* And yes, I do realise that sometimes that's what it is *nods* Going back to the subject matter of this post. After dinner my dad asked me to sit down because he wanted to talk about something. (For some reason I always feel panic-y when someone says they have something to talk to me about, lol. Initially I did feel worried but when it turned out to not be what I'd thought it was, it went away.) Well, he asked me if I noticed that one of the papers were missing this morning (which I had) and told me that he had hid them from me. Cue "O.o" reaction. The reason was that they had written about this girl who'd been raped this past weekend. Which still made no sense, until he told me who'd done it. It was the same guy who had tried to rape me. As it turns out he'd gone to jail after coming after me, raped a girl when he got out, was sentenced to more jail, got out October this year and raped the 17-year old girl this weekend. It's ... weird knowing this. At least dad timed it well, in telling me. I had one of my temporary 'ups' and felt calm. It wouldn't have been fun to read about it first thing this morning when I really wasn't well. Dad said that the papers referred to what happened to me. I still haven't read them (I was only told about 20 minutes ago) but I will later. What a day, heh.

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Two can play that game

I'm an elitist, selfish, AIM bitch. Yep. My buddy list is instructed to only allow the people I've added to it to contact me. A while back, when things were particularly dark, only 1 person was on my list of people who could talk to me. 1 person. Why just that person? Because during all the time I've known and communicated with said person, it's been nothing but comfortable and safe to reach out to this person. I have been able to relax fully and just enjoy the conversation, knowing that the person helps me just by being there and that if the person needs me (which isn't very likely since this person is very capable of taking care of themselves) my help will be accepted and actually taken into consideration. The truth of the matter is, I choose who I communicate to. I like being there for people, but when it comes to the point of listening to depressing stuff each time you meet someone and no matter what you offer (be it help, advice) it'll be brushed aside because they simply won't get out of the predicament they're in. Pretty soon they're sucking you with them. Kill me for being an insensitive bastard if you want, but I'd rather let go and take care of myself than stick around and be pulled back into something I've fought so very hard to get away from. I want to stay away from depression, angst, and all that crap. Unless people can help me with it when I do get those moments, I'll stay clear of them. Because I hate dragging people down with me, it's not fair to them. And it certainly won't help me if they catch the angst bug too, lol. How people react around me is a very sensitive issue. For instance, if there's tension when I'm eating, I won't be able to take another bite or I'll have to take my food to my room and blast music to drown out whatever's upsetting me. The same goes with AIM. If a person is bringing down themselves (and consequently, me) each and every time a conversation takes place I.WILL.GET.FED.UP. I'm sorry but there's only so many times I can tolerate having "*sigh*" "*half smile*" and a plethora of other depressing stuff snuck into the conversation begging me to ask "what's wrong?" "can I do anything?" only to realise that it's not help or support they're after. Don't get me wrong, I'm ok with listening and trying to help out if the person actually accepts that help, instead of evasively avoiding it and continuing their tirade of wallowing in the depressingness. Am I the only person who actually thinks that one should try and get out of a terrible situation instead of staying in it or getting oneself further into it? So yes, I'm a selfish and elitist AIM bitch. Because I'm very protective of myself. Because if I'm not taking care of myself, I can't take care of anyone else.

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I have an appointment today with a bunny who has a teapot on its head

Thank you SG for giving me the Oolong link. I went through all the pictures there yesterday *snuggles the headperforming bunny* While I'm not having an appointment with a bunny wearing strange things on its head today, I do have an appointment which I will be heading (haha) for in an hour. Really have no energy for it but I'd rather make an effort and have my intuition confirmed than second guessing it *shrugs* I have an issue with proving myself right, lol. So sorry if I'm not getting back to you much until later today. There are PMs and stuffs I need to get to, but they'll have to wait a while. Yawn. My bed, and the new pillow I got yesterday, look soo inviting right now... PS: Sara is up in the Literati Square.

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Tuesday, November 23, 2004

You know you want to click the image. Go on. Clickity click.

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Aaaa, my brain! Its mushyness is being fried!
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Monday, November 22, 2004

The 10.000 $ answer is:

Stress. Mom stressing about us kids, us kids stressing out about ourselves stressing out and mom stressing about us stressing out. Stress. Eldest sister: stressing about leaving her psycho case. Grandma adding to that stress by calling every day, reporting or inquiring about it. Mom going through it over and over, leaking it over to me. The stress of 3 people, leaking over to me. Younger sister: Looks like she's struggling the same way I did and still do, acting as a reminder of sorts. Another persons stress leaking over to me, tempting my own to surface. Older sister: Heh, it's difficult to know. She never says if anything's wrong. Next weekend she'll finally get an apartment of her own, we'll go and do the 'house warming' thing. An eye infection hit her a couple of days ago. Luckily it was her bad eye, meaning it won't make anything worse, but you still freak out whenever there's something going on with her sight (her being near blind and everything). I just... My own brain is turning against me and everything around me is doing everything to help it out. It'll start with one thought and before I know it it's spun out of control, leaving me in a stupid swirl of angst. It's so unnecessary. I tell myself to let it go and I do so but pretty soon I'm back to that spiral, angsting all over again. A retreat. Spa week. Gah, that sounds so good right now. I do take medicine for my anxiety and I guess you could argue that I should up the dose. But that won't solve anything, it'll just make my tolerance tolerate more. Getting away from things wouldn't solve anything either, but at least I could charge my batteries naturally and gather strength to deal with all this stuff going on. Meh, it feels good to blabber about it. ANGST! lol. I think I'll tidy up my room later. It usually helps my mind if my surroundings aren't chaotic and my room is something I can definitely fix. Which in turn will calm me down even more *cuddles her safe haven* And there'll be no apologies for this post. I've learned by now that you're ok with release (*wink*). I love you guys *blows kisses to everyone*

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No more buns - back to stealing pants

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