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Saturday, November 15, 2003
I am shallow....
I might as well confess now and have it over and done with. Compared to (what seems like a lot of) people here at Otaku, I am shallow.
I am by no means saying that am I stupid. But because of something (be it genetic or idiocy) I want to be happy and live my life.
It saddens me that so many hurt, die slowly and wither away. I could be one of them, I once belonged there.
Now I grow tired and my mind feels heavy as the words genius, intelligence and depth has to be linked with pain, death and darkness. But I guess one learns far more from that which is misery. Happiness does not easily spawn further thought, it revels in the simplicity of evident fact. At least that seems to be the general perception.
And even though I shy away from the deep end of the pool, it's still present and inviting. In light everything is open for you to see, whereas in the dark you have to strain your eyes and senses to be able to fully grasp what lies hidden.
So for those who had aspirations of me being their equal, I apologise for my "deception".
I do have depth, darkness and sadness.
But I also enjoy the light, air and life itself.
I've been trying to catch someone on AIM, but considering time difference and the fact that I'd probably have nothing important to say, I think I'll let it go.
Maybe we'll meet, maybe we won't. My lines are open, please insert your quarter :P
Spoke briefly to my sister yesterday, the one who lives on Curacao. We hadn't heard from her for a couple of weeks, so it was nice to know that she was ok. Homesick, but ok.
I really want to go and visit her… if only it were a bit closer.
Can't remember how many hours it takes in total, she told me once but I forgot . It was something like 9 or 14 hours.
Sweden Airport - Amsterdam Airport - Curacao Airport… and then back again.
I'm no good at making banners and such, but this is what I got when mucking about in Photoshop (v.5). It’s Zorro from "One Piece". The same pic, with two different results. I prefer the first one, it matches the pose and everything better...
To ...
Come walk with me, along my shallow shores.
Search this foreign water, yearning to be explored.
Allow the tide to push you closer, grant me my embrace
Hear the wind moan your name, ready to implode
This shallow shore at your feet, ready to give in…
Ah, to be inspired :P
- Mimmi
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Friday, November 14, 2003
First off I wanna say that I'm not old *coughsomeguycough*.
I'm only *counts on fingers*....what comes after 20 ??
I seem to have forgotten to take my pills against memory loss... Must lie down and have a nap :P
Thanks for the compliment by the way. It went straight to my head *lol* And I agree that pancakes should be viewed as dinner also.
Waffles probably don't fit into both categories.... must give that thought...
Had an embarrassing moment this morning. I decided to put up a photo in the Gallery that Queen Asuka masters. That in itself went perfectly smooth.... but then I saw that I had spelt her name wrong. It stood "Asula". Since I couldn't change the subject line myself, I had the choice of
1) facing her wrath or
2) be responsible for her death by laughter.
Neither appealed to me.
My third choice was to ask a mod to help me out. There was a mod online. After deliberating which path was to be least embarrassing, I plucked up my courage and approached the mod.
Problem solved in a flash, but now I'm fretting that it might have come off as
"Hi, this is me *wink wink*"
instead of
"I messed up, please help me fix my stupid mistake and please ignore that photo *blush blush*".
Thinking before one posts is emotionally draining. Not to say useless when errors like that still happens *sigh* But onwards I march ! :P
Read something about LotR in the paper this morning. The fight between Gandalf and Saruman were to be cut to ribbons (if you can guess the reference, you'll get a nougat elephant).
This made Christopher Lee upset and now he's threatening to boycott the premiere.
I don't know whether to truly believe the story or not, newpapers have a tendency to be... away from the actual truth. But it seems that a lot of stuff is "cast into the shadows" that fans have dear in their hearts.
( I only got through the first book and skipped to the last couple of pages of the third. So I don't have anything to say in regards of what goes and not ) *grins*
After a couple of weeks of hassle with my remote to the VCR, I finally got around to ask for help from the store which I bought it from. The next day I put in some new batteries in the remote and Badabing-Badaboom.... everything works.
I will never ask for help again. It only backfires on me *pouting*
Gotta wash my hair and make dinner. Life is easy.... except for that stupid infection and those moronic medicines and the pointless effort...
xoxoxoxo Take Care Everyone ! xoxoxoxo
- Mimmi
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Thursday, November 13, 2003
Dinner turned out pretty good. dad thought it was a bit on the spicy side, but then he's pretty meak when it comes to seasoning :P
It took forever to trim the meat though, but I got there in the end.
Forgot to say that ground black pepper is required for this dish. Sprinkled on the meat and then a sprinkle in the "sauce". Nice :)
- Mimmi
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*after countless tries she finally is successfull in tearing herself away from Mitch's guestbook entry*
I feel special
*silly smile*
*
*
Because my brain is damaged due to illness I haven't read through all his poems and somehow I feel that I'm not at that kind of deep/aware/counscious level that I could truly appreciate the brilliancy they contain. But I do know from what I have read that there's talent and passion residing in his mind.
I finally got my money today and it was more than I expected, which means I can buy that gorgeous coat if it's still around and it fits me.... I was surprised that the lady at the bank didn't ask for my ID when I deposited the money on my account. It was a fairly large sum and I could've been anybody. Never mind.
I also bought dinner, "fillet of pork" the dictionary calls it. It is to be fried off and then simmer in whipping cream (not healthy, but oh so yummy-licious) along with a red pepper for flavour. Served with fluffy rice and fluid of choice :)
I might cook it myself or have dad do it, haven't decided yet. It all depends on how hungry I get.
Speaking of food. Are pancakes dinner or desert ?
For some stupid reason they've started re-runs on a couple of the animes I watch. Just as they started to get interesting. I guess it's cause they haven't finished the dubbing. And it gives me the chance to catch up on some favourite episodes. So all in all it's not that big of a deal.
Despite today being a cloudy and miserable day, I feel surprisingly fine.
I almost skipped down the street.I had to bite my tongue to prevent myself from bursting into song.....
I must be getting sick :P
- Mimmi
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Wednesday, November 12, 2003
Went out for a wee walk today, mainly to pick up my sleeping pills and buy dinner. I decided that tonight is tortillia-night :) Though my mom isn’t into it so I bought a salad for her, just in case. Dad’ll eat anything, so there’s no need to be concerned about him.
It’s kinda funny, cause when you go to pick up your prescription you have to take a number and sit down and wait. There was only 1 person before me, don’t know how long they’d been there, but they didn’t feel like waiting any longer. Apparently most of the nurses had gone on their lunch break. About 2 minutes after they left, I got called in… I tried really hard not to laugh at their expense, but sometimes patience pays off. Today was my turn *smug*
When I got outside again, there was this really pretty tree with some leaves still hanging from the branches and it was basking in the sun. I so wished I had brought my camera with me. I’ll have to do that from now on. Later on I saw a house that had gotten the toilet paper treatment… isn’t Halloween over ? It was probably someone’s birthday or what not.
I went on to the bakery where we’ve bought out bread ever since we moved here (which is when I was 1 year old, making our “relationship” 21 years old) and then to the store to buy dinner.
Since I didn’t want to drag my bag of bread around the shop, I put it in one of those lockers and happily went about my business…. When later on I tried to open it… it wouldn’t open… so I called for assistance and as I tried one last time… it opened.
I think I tried to open the wrong locker and when I tried again, it was the correct one… embarrassing… but of course I didn’t admit that. I simply stated that it was typical that it would work just as I called for help :P
Something I’ve been thinking about: this “Friends” list that you see on your Otaku.
At first I thought that if you were friends you added each other on that list and you could only be added if given consent. But then I saw my name on James’ list…
Don’t get me wrong, I was extremely flattered to see my name there. It’s just that I don’t know him, he doesn’t know me and so technically we aren’t friends…
So I guess that it’s more of a tool to keep track on the MyOtaku that you are interested in, more than a list of people who are your friends… though some people really are friends… so… eerrr….
And that answers the question to why I haven’t added anyone down as my “friend”, I can easily keep track of the people I visit regularly and I take the word friend very seriously.
That’s not to say I don’t feel warm and fuzzy as I see my name of peoples friend-list, please don’t think that. I just have my own picky/weird ideas about certain words. Don’t take it personally.
Things I look forward to:
The continuation of the stories submitted by
* Solo Tremaine
* Poison Tongue
* Mitch
at OB’s Poetry etc Thread.
The names are in no particular order
I’ve been randomly pm’ing people and writing in posts, mainly to praise the quality of their work. I just hope I don’t come of stalker-ish *lol*
- Mimmi
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Tuesday, November 11, 2003
Got my hair fixed and the sun came out for a while.
I'm very happy about the way the highlights came out...
No, I didn't get purple. I discretly asked about odd colors (my sister once asked to get pink highlights, but was told they don't do that in this country) and my hairdresser said that they don't go for that, since it washes out too quickly and is pretty much a waste of money and time... *sniffle*
so instead I just got some "golden" highlights hidden around my hair, for effect. I'm happy anyway.
my dad decided not to comment since he thought I had simply washed it *lol*
I've been chomping on gingerbread biscuits lately and I have to say that they taste the best when it's cold outside. all those spices warm you right through your bones *sighs* and they also make you calm, sweet and tolerable.... or maybe they make you guard the cookie-box maniacally... ;)
Mom has a test in school tomorrow (she's studying to be a dermatologist <--spelling?) and I've promised to quiz her.
In return I get all the pampering I want *smug grin*
I won't ever be in need of a spa, I'll just have to call 'ma ... hrm. ok that was lame. forgive me.
"Only in their dreams can man be truly free.
it was always thus,
and always thus will be."
Quote from DPS.
- Mimmi
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Just checked the mail (the one you get in your mailbox outside your house, that is) and found my "Reality Bites" DVD waiting for me. I remember playing the soundtrack to this movie over and over. I especially liked the Lisa Loeb one... can't remember the name... "You Say.. I only hear what I want to"... the video to that song was directed by Ethan Hawke, just so you know :)
I'm gonna go off to the hairdressers in a couple of hours. Though I'm not really in the mood for it. It's another dull/dreary day and I'm constantly thinking about all the stuff that I have to think about. I wish I didn't have to, since it makes me feel sicker. And when you're sick you want to get better. Unless you're getting more out of being sick than not being sick....
Something I don't get at OB is the whole "married to"-thing ? In some cases I do get why, but others I don't. Is it the new-hip-thing that everyone wants to be a part of ? *shrug*
My sister lives here with her husband. ---->
Miss/envy her....
That's it for now. but the day is still young and I might pop back with more later on.
- Mimmi
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Monday, November 10, 2003
I didn't feel like updating here since that would push the blogs with the "poetry" back... and not many people browse beyond the first page.. but I guess it'd have to happen sooner or later *shrug*
I'm anticipating the dentist to call any day now. I still do the annual check-up, since family-members who've let it slip end up having to go through root-canal-thingy's... whatever. I'm not letting that happen to me!
I haven't had any holes for a couple of years now, which is nice. I just need to use dental floss more regularly, which I find impossible to jerk around with in my mouth. But there are these thingy's now at the chemists/dentists where a piece of dental floss is attached to some holder-thing. maybe that might make it easier for poor old lazy me : P
I saw this snippet of an old hockey-game on tv last night and it brought back some fond memories.
My oldest (or do you say eldest ?) sister used to be really into hockey and me, her and dad used to sometimes go see games with our "favourite" team.
This one time they only played 5-or so minutes, but the ice was iffy and after 3 tries of re-applying ice (or whatever the term is for fixing it) they sent out this poor girl to announce that the game had been canceled. The other suits stood behind the curtains looking like they were gonna wet themselves*lol*
2 hours had passed since those initial 5-or so minutes and at this point I had a major headache and wanted to go home anyway *sigh*....
But it's fun thinking back on those days when you were really hooked on something and shared the interest with someone else....
I miss my sisters....
- Mimmi
So we'll go no more a-roving
So late into the night,
Though the heart be ne'er as loving,
And the moon be still as bright.
For the sword outwears the sheath,
And the soul wears out the breast,
And the heart itself must pause,
And love itself have rest.
Though the night was made for loving,
And the day returns too soon,
Yet we'll go no more a-roving
By the light of the moon.
- Lord Byron
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Saturday, November 8, 2003
Here comes the last re-written piece of .... work, that I've done. I have no clue how to punctuate this one, but I hope it's readable anyway....
"The Age of Teen"
Here we are, standing in life surrounding
Upon closing our eyes we know
that elsewhere we must go
Not knowing where we’re bounding
As we lie in darkness, no shadows appear
Except that of the burning desire
that can only be put out by fire.
Days are fleeting but you’re going nowhere
In the midst of chaos there could be sense
Just beyond hurt and loneliness
Unreachable - impossible to access
it might hold the key that makes a mends
Parents who think they have a clue
Standing in the way, waiting for the call
thinking they can stop our declining fall
Are greeted by lawyers eager to sue
Now there are wounds for us to heal
Round every corner a menacing threat
misunderstandings and words of regret
No longer welcome at the table of appeal
Doors are slamming where souls doth seek
a place where they can hide
the pain and hurt inside
Where tears fall freely down crimson cheek
Anger is boiling and tipping the cup
Begging for something to soothe
open wounds that ooze
Trying desperately to make it stop
Broken hearts are awaiting repair
Cause when all is said and done
weary we will have become
Fighting all that is unfair
In these days of aging youth
there’s something we do not lack
Namely the ability to hold things back
And we now deliver cutthroat truth
Constantly trying to stand on our own feet
we seek new grounds to live our lives
“Surgeons prepare your knives !”
It is time to cut that bonding weed…
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Friday, November 7, 2003
He never saw the world as he should
People say he was misunderstood
Went out one night and committed a crime
Got into a fight, now church bells chime
On his funeral, which was black and sad
Everyone thought he was completely mad
The mothers face was covered in tears
As someone whispered truth in her ears
That crazy boy you called your son
Was not worth your time and now he's gone
- Mimmi
In the rain no one can see me cry
no one will have to wonder and ask why
When it thunders, you can't hear me scream
you won't have to ask and wonder what I mean
In the dark you can't see the truth within my eyes
you won’t have ask and listen to emergency lies
- Mimmi
Your presence law
Your suffering also
my existence an exception
my pain also
I give, you take
You take, I give
Your voice reaching heaven
mine lost in shadows
my life - a fading whisper
Yours - an undying echo
I give, you take
You take, I give
You are beyond
I am behind
You are moonlight
I am stardust
You shall take from me no more
I shall give to you no more
- Mimmi
I am giving
am I not allowed to take ?
I am always there
am I not allowed to leave ?
I am shining bright
am I allowed no shadow ?
I want to be a universe
Unexplored and awaiting
I want to be a kaleidoscope
Always different, forever changing
- Mimmi
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