Thursday, September 2, 2004

*happy sigh*
These past two days have been a welcome change from the week of absolute stress-out, hehe. Actually, the stress wasn't so bad up until Tuesday morning. But then it got really bad and not even mom (who had stayed home to lend me support) could help calm me down. That says a lot, trust me.

The reason for all this angsty stress is that I had an appointment with a psychologist, to review all those atrocious tests I've been put through to determine if I was autistic and what-not.

.... *takes a moment and laughs softly about it* .....

I knew that this appointment would result in either a major break for me, or a mental break down. Maybe that sounds overly dramatic, but when you're constantly asked to re-tell what's been going on these past 3 years and at the same time told to move on, you get to a point where you get confused as to where you're going. Forwards or further backwards ?

And you also never know what the people you meet will be like. When dealing with matters of the mental wellfare, it is pivotal that you meet people who you will be comfortable with and you trust will help you. So far I've been fortunate, something that didn't change Tuesday.

To make a long story short, I have finally been diagnosed with panic/anxiety disorder, so no one can ever question the horrendous truth of that. It's good to have a piece of paper you can shove into a face and say "Yes, I am sincere about my handicap. No, I am not faking this [sometimes crippling] disorder just to be a lazy slob.".


However, there was still one thing playing on my mind that made the feeling of unsettlement linger. I have constantly moved forward in my health, but right now I'm not ready to be thrust out into working/studying. So when the time came to decide how long she should extend my current sick-leave to, the relief of being understood threatened to fade and be replaced with angsty dismay.

Up until now I've had to call in every month and ask for an extention. Every month I've had to go through the stress of "convincing" people that I'm not better yet. This isn't something that's helped me in the slightest, haha.


Imagine my utmost bliss when she decided to extend my sick-leave for 6 months !!


This will give me the time I need to slowly get back into things. I don't have to feel rushed, pressured or forced to suddenly be 100 % recovered. It will happen at my pace and because of that, I can be guaranteed a recovery that will be authentic and last.

It looks like the time to break the cycle has come and I'm so happy ^___^

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Now, about the wallpaper I was planning here. After giving it some thought, I noticed that it wouldn't be possible to implement it as a background. Simply because the table behind my posts would get in the way.

SO, I've copied Sara's nifty idea and placed a little cube at the quiz result space. That way my 'Literati Wallpaper' will be fully visible and easier to enjoy ^__^


To start things off, I'd like Shin to contribute with a word, tell me what color he'd like the word to be in (I added the color choice just now, since it would help people to distinguish who provided what word) and if it should go horizontal or vertical.

I'll go over the list of names that wanted in on this and add it into next post (or this post, if Shin is very quick).

Feel free to suggest now which color you'd like to be, either by giving me a hex code or a little sample via e-mail. Or you can go here to find something to your liking, or perhaps there's a color on OB that you like.

Happy color and word hunting ^_^

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