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Birthday
• 1981-08-24
Gender
•
Female
Member Since
• 2003-10-17
Occupation
• Grammar Apprentice
Real Name
• Mimmi
Personal
Achievements
• Digging ½ a Trench. Having SomeGuy over.
Anime Fan Since
• the mid 80's
Favorite Anime
• Naruto, RahXephon, Haibane Renmei, PMK, Ouran HSHC, Death Note, Bleach, Yakitate Japan
Goals
• Less angsting - more energy!
Hobbies
• Tinkering
Talents
• Being incredibly silly
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Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Two can play that game
I'm an elitist, selfish, AIM bitch. Yep. My buddy list is instructed to only allow the people I've added to it to contact me. A while back, when things were particularly dark, only 1 person was on my list of people who could talk to me. 1 person.
Why just that person? Because during all the time I've known and communicated with said person, it's been nothing but comfortable and safe to reach out to this person. I have been able to relax fully and just enjoy the conversation, knowing that the person helps me just by being there and that if the person needs me (which isn't very likely since this person is very capable of taking care of themselves) my help will be accepted and actually taken into consideration.
The truth of the matter is, I choose who I communicate to. I like being there for people, but when it comes to the point of listening to depressing stuff each time you meet someone and no matter what you offer (be it help, advice) it'll be brushed aside because they simply won't get out of the predicament they're in. Pretty soon they're sucking you with them.
Kill me for being an insensitive bastard if you want, but I'd rather let go and take care of myself than stick around and be pulled back into something I've fought so very hard to get away from. I want to stay away from depression, angst, and all that crap. Unless people can help me with it when I do get those moments, I'll stay clear of them. Because I hate dragging people down with me, it's not fair to them. And it certainly won't help me if they catch the angst bug too, lol.
How people react around me is a very sensitive issue. For instance, if there's tension when I'm eating, I won't be able to take another bite or I'll have to take my food to my room and blast music to drown out whatever's upsetting me. The same goes with AIM. If a person is bringing down themselves (and consequently, me) each and every time a conversation takes place I.WILL.GET.FED.UP. I'm sorry but there's only so many times I can tolerate having "*sigh*" "*half smile*" and a plethora of other depressing stuff snuck into the conversation begging me to ask "what's wrong?" "can I do anything?" only to realise that it's not help or support they're after.
Don't get me wrong, I'm ok with listening and trying to help out if the person actually accepts that help, instead of evasively avoiding it and continuing their tirade of wallowing in the depressingness. Am I the only person who actually thinks that one should try and get out of a terrible situation instead of staying in it or getting oneself further into it?
So yes, I'm a selfish and elitist AIM bitch. Because I'm very protective of myself. Because if I'm not taking care of myself, I can't take care of anyone else. |
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