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AIM
• OtakuMimmi
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Birthday
• 1981-08-24
Gender
•
Female
Member Since
• 2003-10-17
Occupation
• Grammar Apprentice
Real Name
• Mimmi
Personal
Achievements
• Digging ½ a Trench. Having SomeGuy over.
Anime Fan Since
• the mid 80's
Favorite Anime
• Naruto, RahXephon, Haibane Renmei, PMK, Ouran HSHC, Death Note, Bleach, Yakitate Japan
Goals
• Less angsting - more energy!
Hobbies
• Tinkering
Talents
• Being incredibly silly
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Thursday, February 17, 2005
Silly, really
I took a mini break from AIM after getting tired of having feelings pop up that were less than positive. It actually worked to a degree, though it could be argued if any emotions were actually solved or if ultimately they were just repressed. Pinpointing exactly what it was that made me upset, while on AIM, is virtually impossible.
Sometimes I could be having a nice chat about random stuff, when suddenly my heart would sink and I'd start to feel so very lonely and sad. Through the course of a minute I could feel almost the entire range of emotion, save for the really drastic ones where you feel like killing somone/yourself. Needless to say that took a big toll on me. Especially since I didn't want to say to whomever I was talking to "excuse me, our conversation triggered something and I need to lie down and weep my eyeballs out for no reason in particular".
The stupid part of all this is that I do need to talk to you all, be it about how I'm feeling or how you're doing/what's shakin at the moment, but to actually get on AIM and do so is making things worse.
While I could just avoid signing onto AIM, keep up the act of feeling 100% fine, I want you all to know the score. Not because I want sympathy or have a need for guilt tripping people, and I certainly don't want to make them feel bad about possibly hurting me, but because I consider you friends. Friends share both good and bad times. Hopefully your support will help me smack myself out of this silly circle. So even though I may not get onto AIM as much, my Inbox is always open and you're welcome to prod and glomp me as much as you'd like there, lol.
Something that I really need to highlight is the fact that, overall, I'm ok. It's not like I walk around all day in a horrible state of murderous depression.... I nap when that happens XP Hehe, things are just not what I'd like them to be right now and since I can't escape them (the word "elope" has never tasted so sweet in my mouth before), they hit harder.
For a long time now I've needed a whole day to myself, to sit down and work myself out [emotionally]. Just get everything out. But with mom being home that hasn't been possible. This week dad's been home too, since the school has off. The last thing I want to do is try to explain why I'm feeling/reacting the way I do to either of them. All I want is to let it out, no questions asked.
Remember, I envy you because I love you
and I wish happiness for myself as much as for you. |
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