Sunday, April 11, 2004

Cause to effect ...

Are you ready to turn the key,
open the door and flick on the lights ?

Has the time come to prepare yourself,
to wake up and never go back ?

His chest was slowly moving up and down as he breathed, a mumble telling of the dreams he had. Hesitantly she reached out and touched his arm. His muscles, always tense from the strains of keeping reality from illusion, were relaxed now. A sweet smile played on her lips, her happiness betrayed only by the pain in her eyes as she saw him sleep so peacefully.

She could feel him respond to her fingers as she moved them lovingly over his skin, his murmurs broken by deep sighs. Her thoughts trailed, soothed by the safety that always enclosed her in his company. Half closing her eyes, she let her hand wander over his familiar shape.
Falling into a trance-like state she watched her fingers trace circles at the base of his neck, but was dragged back into reality as his body jerked violently.

Startled, she quickly withdrew her hand and pushed herself away from him. A sudden jolting of memories washed over her.

Turning away and sitting upright on the bed, she tried to stop the racing visions of wires choking her, of machines watching her, that sickening fluid dripping off her body, the claustrophobic space that imprisoned her.

Holding both hands over her mouth, she forced the screams back down to her lungs. Her eyes and cheeks burned as the tears rolled rapidly down them. She could feel her heart beating out of her breast, the lack of oxygen causing her to convulse. Soon her body would be shaking beyond control, rousing her lover to wake.

She slid off the edge of the bed and staggered to the nearest door. Hunching over and staring at the floor, she tried to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. After a few steps she looked up to see how far away from the door she was. The room was starting to spin around her, distorting into freakish shapes and figures. Darkness seemed to be oozing and crawling out of the walls, threatening to devour her.

Desperately fumbling for the door handle, she could sense she was losing the battle against the fear and anxiety that clawed inside of her. Thinking she would never make it, she suddenly felt the metallic door brush against her arm. A small wave of relief swept over her briefly and she flung the door open, closed and locked it, immediately collapsing on the floor.

Curling up into a fetal position, she fought for air, her muscles seizing. Sobbing and spasming, she closed her eyes and prayed she would wake up.

---

Somewhere in the distance she could hear low voices. Groggily she opened her eyes and was instantly blinded by bright lights. Groaning, she squinted and tried to raise her arms to fend off the invading whiteness. They wouldn't move. She must've used up all her strength. When she moaned softly, the voices hushed and died out. Someone began stroking her arm, whispering softly in her ear.

- Shhh, try to stay calm. Everything will be alright.

The voice sounded reassuring, but it filled her with unexplainable sadness.

- Don't cry. You'll be fine. No more tears, ok ?

She tried to laugh, but could only muster a sigh. Her mind was weary and tired, her entire body ached. Where was she ? What happened ? The voice spoke to her again, more demanding this time.

- Try not to worry yourself too much. You need your rest now.

Inhaling deeply, she reluctantly gave in and drifted away.

---

Two men stood looking at the woman strapped on the bed, exchanging words of apprehension and concern. They tensed and silenced when she stirred slightly. Motioning to each other, they stepped aside, careful not to disturb her further.

When she appeared to be settling, they resumed their conversation.

- What happened…?

- We are not sure. And it is not important. All that matters is that she is here.

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