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• 1981-08-24
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Female
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• 2003-10-17
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• Grammar Apprentice
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• Mimmi
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• Digging ½ a Trench. Having SomeGuy over.
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• the mid 80's
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• Naruto, RahXephon, Haibane Renmei, PMK, Ouran HSHC, Death Note, Bleach, Yakitate Japan
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• Less angsting - more energy!
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• Tinkering
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• Being incredibly silly
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Tuesday, April 13, 2004
*talks jibberish*
... I knew it was a bad idea, I just knew it. But did that stop me ? Noooo. Instead I go completely against my own wishes and what do I get ? Exactly. *gestures* ...
So I'm thinking just as I fought myself, they're fighting themselves. It's not aliens we're talking about. It's not an unknown identity. Its spring is human, it is able to be so efficient and scary against humans because it came from humans.
... did I just interrupt myself ? Hm. Anyway. I need someone else to blame, or talk to. Either will suffice, since I could blame whoever I speak to. Considering my state of mind I wouldn't technically be speaking. Words would form in my head and some sort of attempt to express it would occur, but whether or not one could describe it as communicating, I don't know...
They were from humans, but they lacked the ability to truly posses human traits. It was a reflection and even though an object that is reflected is real, the reflection of that reflection would not be real. It could be bent and manipulated, but it was still an artificial product of a copy.
I need music. Don't you feel there should be music to this ? But there isn't. Shame. There is something here though, despite the fact that it eludes me. I'm pretty sure there is. Just like it's obvious that the sun will blind your eyes if you close them and then look directly at it. Which is pretty stupid, but distractingly tempting all the same.
How do you fight yourself ?
And you end up just doing it. Don't ask me how or why, because I'm sure we could be stuck here forever then. Or at least until it cycled back to where and how it was brought about. And even then it would seem like I had no clue what I was talking about....
This was probably the first time I didn't turn off the tv when the credits rolled up. I just sat there and tried to understand what was going on inside my head. As I'm sure you can tell by what I just wrote, it's all a bit--- very muddled. Reality, perception, cause, effect, choice, purpose, life, death, music.... Silence. Thought. Feeling. It's all at once. Trying to separate, divide from each other and coalescing, fusing, merging--- ....
Coupled with the fact that I'm reading a fantasy novel that touches on the subject of what is real and not, how you know when something exists and is true ... or not, it is all coming down a bit hard on me. I even question[ed] why I put up this post, among other things.
In a way I don't want to sort it out, because it's already done. I just need to understand it.
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