Monday, April 26, 2004

" He would sometimes walk up to me, holding his hands behind his back. He never said ' left or right ? '. Instead he asked the most elaborate questions, such as ' If the moon were to come down and cross the street, which way would it look first ? '. No matter what answer I gave him, I was always rewarded with a single red rose. "



[ Like thorns on a pretty rose that pricks and draw your blood, his words that day ]
…his lips, his eyes, his scent after those ridiculously long showers…
[ stab and bleed my heart to an early grave ]




I peaked into the living room and found him immersed in unpacking something out of a big cardboard box. Observing him, I debated with myself whether or not I should ask him. On one hand he might dodge the question with jokes and vague hints. But on the other hand I was dying to know.

As I stood there contemplating what to do, he started talking to the cushions on the couch as if they were babies.

'Whoooo's teh most curious cat yoo ever saw ?.... Gawfeeld ? Nah, he was juss lazy... Teh Sheshir kitty ? Nuh-uh, dat wassunt a pwoper cat '

I instantly picked up the tone in his voice, the one he put on whenever he felt particularly mischievous.

'Who?... Oh, yesssss. She is one dweadfuwwy curious cat ! ' He giggled, pleased with himself.

Shaking my head I mused about how in tune of my presence he always was. If there was one thing I could be absolutely certain of, it was that I would never be lost with him. Since he had obviously noticed my hovering, I decided to dare the plunge. Taking a deep breath, I entered the living room as casually as I could.

"Why only one ? "

He fumbled with the plastic wrappings, doing mock anguished faces. Tossing a scissor to the side he looked up at me, smiling.

'This thing blew a pretty big hole in our savings and you didn't seem too keen on trying it out, so I figured one would be enough '

I laughed softly and knelt down to ruffle his hair. "You silly man." He pretended to purr as I combed through it with my fingers. 'Meow ? '

"The roses, why do you give me just the one ? Hmm ? " I asked again, determined to coax it out of him.

He tilted his head, breaking away from my hand.

'Do you really want to unveil the secrets behind the giving of the one rose ? '

I threw my head back, raised my arms to the air and exclaimed in a dramatic voice "Dare I open the gates that will reveal the origin of this mystery !? Whatever will I uncover when I…"

In the middle of my Greek tragedy impression, I realised he wasn't cheering me on. He just sat there quietly, still tilting his head. But the smile was gone.


' Because you are my one and only '



" I forget how long I held on to the hope that he would find me, feeling more lost as each night passed. There's no telling how many mornings I woke up and expected to look into his eyes, only to be met with the nothing that had forced its way into his place. I lived and was thankful, but all the same I died.

Time went by and I began devoting myself to saving others like me, inspired by the thought that it might be his life I rescued one day. But it was never him. For each person I saved, he slipped further away. Until finally, he was gone.

Believing that what I accomplished was for a greater good, I moved on.
Surviving on promises that my future would ensure some measure of peace, I erased myself.


… Then one day, I found you. And it started all over again… "



[ The pretty rose wilted and died, just as your voice faded and silenced ]
…my one and only…
[ its thorns remain to protect a fresh new bud, that one day will flower ]

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