Wednesday, December 5, 2007

   Is being alone so bad?

As I have recently discovered that I am a TCK (third culture kid, wikipedia it if you care), the research has shown that TCK's are very independent, and at times, I can be a sort of extreme of that. I was an only child, and did not have many friends. So I often made up things for me to do by myself. I'd make up storylines that my Barbies would act out, I would pretend I was Sailor Moon and defeat the forces of evil, etc. I guess that's why I'm so creative. *shrug* But my point is, at times I just can't STAND people. They drive me crazy! Sometimes, it's the ridiculous coasties that float around my campus, or really cute guys that would never give me the time of day, or even just the sheer presence of others just makes me feel claustrophobic. So at least once a day, I just need some time to be alone to just read, or watch a movie/tv, etc. or else I will lose my mind. This became VERY evident when I worked at a summer camp this summer. We were just going non-stop and I literally HAD to use my time off every day to be by myself, or else I would explode on the wee ickle kids. Is this so strange? That I just can't deal with being around people so much? But yet, at times I get extremely lonely, especially late at night. Is this the curse of being a Third Culture Kid? Is this what I get for not belonging in neither my adopted country nor my home country? That since I don't belong in either of the two, I'll just be by myself, where no one can bother me... So if you see me in the cafeteria with a book under my arm, sorry. That means that I don't want to eat with you.

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Tuesday, December 4, 2007

   Of Dating...

I had a dream a few nights ago about a FANTASTIC date with at FANTASTIC (yet random) guy. We were in random places I've been to, but we ended up where I live now. He was supposedly a musician from My Chemical Romance, but I don't know what any of the actual musicians look like... I woke up feeling really good. I love the feeling of going on a really good date. Lord knows it's been a long time...and yet, I want that. I don't want a boyfriend, but I want a really awesome date. Is that so much to ask?

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Friday, November 30, 2007

   SO CUTE

I want this one: As seen here They're giant round stuffed animals! And just what I need right now...a big stuffed animal to huggle, heh. They're kind of expensive, but maybe someday I'll buy one!

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Monday, November 26, 2007

Grief.

I just lost my best friend, and it was my fault (to a degree). You see, me and my friend have been friends for a few years now. We became friends because we both got depressed, in varying degrees, and we could understand each other. Yes, we dated. Yes, we broke up. And after we broke up, I began to see who he really was, without the rose colored glasses that comes with infatuation. He teased me. A lot. He annoyed me to the extent that I wanted to beat him up. A lot. It all became too much for me. Consequently, I have been going to therapy. I've been getting a lot better, whereas for him...well, he hasn't. This created an imbalance, and I felt that I needed some time away from him so that I could focus on getting better. Hopefully, he would get better too, and maybe realize that my pleadings and worries for him may actually be something to take heed of. So, last Saturday (after an anxiety attack, with hyperventilation and all) I sat him down to breakfast and told him everything. I told him about some rough patches I've been through, and also about the worries and fears I have for his well-being. I then told him that "I need a break from us" and he seemed to be ok with it until...he reached out to hold my hands, and I pulled away and said "please don't touch me." I didn't say it maliciously or with revulsion. But that's how he took it. He then paid our bill and left, after saying "Have a nice life." I was NOT repulsed in any way, shape, or form. The only reason I didn't want him to touch me because it would make an already difficult thing for me that much harder. So, after getting my heart torn apart and trampled on, my mom tried to cheer me up by taking me shopping. When we returned, there was a plastic bag, full of all the stuff I had ever given him, with a post-it note saying "here's your stuff. --**** (his name)" This just made it harder for me. I really felt that this was an extremely immature act on his part, and really showed that he really didn't understand why I did this. I tried to explain to him via email, but he wrote back saying that he gave back the stuff because he couldn't bear the memory of me. Did he think that I could either? He said that it would be safe with me. Well, I gave the stuffed animal to my dog to be shredded. I'm going to give the shirt I gave him to charity. I'm going to burn the drawings I drew him. AND I'm going to give the dictionary I gave him to someone who will actually use it. If he DARES to ask for his stuff back, then I'll tell him what I did with it. I see this as a sign from him that he doesn't want anything to do with me. He even wrote on his blog that I "disowned" him. This has been a very difficult few days for me, so if you'll forgive me for not posting for a while...I'm going to go and take a nap now. Take Care, and I hope and pray that you all will never have to have to do this to a close friend. P.S: I got a new laptop for Christmas. It should be coming in this week.

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Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving, for those of you in the US, and for those of you not in the US...Have a good day!! Picture of the Ouran High School Host Club boys!

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Sunday, November 18, 2007

Whoah.

I have 2,001 hits on my site! Thanks guys! I appreciate it so much! So for that, here's a little pic I found on the internets for ya! Image from Ouran High School Host Club :)

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Tuesday, November 13, 2007

So...Maybe I should post more?

Yeah, I know I haven't posted much, but I DO visit every day....I haven't done much art..though I have a few pages of my COMIC done, but not toned or anything, just the line art. Maybe I should post them, and see what people think, eh? There's a sneak peak at the characters on my DA account. I'm still working out the storyline, but I can't seem to work it out past page 10 or so. Maybe someone would be willing to help me out? HINT HINT, though I can't guarantee that this comic is going to be going anywhere anytime soon since I'll be going abroad next semester. I'll have most mornings free, but I'll probably be either A.)studying, B.)Working on my independant study, or C.)vegging out/playing videogames/studying. I won't have a life, with class 4 hours per day and 100 letters to learn per day. Oy. But the fact of the matter is that I'm going there to study the language, so that's what I'll be doing, right?...I DO hate studying, but I love languages more. C'MOOON NUMBER 4! School's going alright. My classes are a LOT better than last year (I had Calculus and Chemistry at the same time, which nearly destroyed my college career!), but this time I don't have ANY math (ever again, really) and I don't have Chemistry (until next year anyway...). Therefore my classes are MUCH better, consisting of German, Journalism, Chinese History, and *deep breath* Communication technologies and their social effects *breathe out* classes. I'm getting pretty good grades, so that's pretty cool. :) [Is it a bad thing that I keep thinking that my keyboard is in German mode when it isn't??] I'm also trying to find new friends here. A lot of people on my friends list don't update that much and/or I know them personally, so I feel almost obligated to be friends with them. I've been randomly checking the member list, but there haven't been very many above the age of 13. There was even a 9 year old with a pretty nice site design! (I suppose it's just copy and paste to a degree..) I tend to look for people whose sites aren't too "OMGZ INUYASHA/NARUTO/BLEACH'D!" I'm getting tired of Naruto, I used to like it, but there are so many Narutards out there, that it's getting annoying. (no offense to you Naruto lovers! You all are still great! I just don't like the anime..). I suppose I'm getting tired of "pimping out" my site. I want it to be simple, but I can't seem to get a good layout going...oy. If you know anybody who can hold an INTELLIGENT conversation, let me know, ok? And for those of you that I AM friends with, I love you guys, really. You guys make me laugh and always cheer me up when I'm down. Thank you! (and if anybody wants to be pen pals with me, let me know ~_^) This is getting to be a novel, so I'm going to end this. Take care! ~Minako aka Laura

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Monday, November 5, 2007

I should be doing my German Homework..

But I'm not, because I have a little time to kill, heh. I also found out yesterday that I've gotten accepted into a study abroad program in Asia, and I'm excited! My dad lives there, so I can live with him for free, and I'll be learning the language which is also very exciting! That'll be...4 languages now? Wow, I can't believe it. But I'm very excited! (obviously..-_-;) I also went to see Hilary Hahn last night. For those of you who don't know, she's a world-renowned, Grammy award winning violinist. And she was AMAZING! I can only dream of playing so well! (I play violin as well, on and off now that I'm in university) She's a definite must-see if you're into classical music. That's about it, take care! And be sure to check out my newest buddy here on myO, James. See ya, Minako aka Laura ~_^ Song of the Day: "Love Song" By Sara Bareilles -- YouTube video of the song: here

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Wednesday, October 31, 2007

   Happy Halloween

Hey all! I hope you guys are having a very SCARY Halloween! Did you know that Halloween is derived from "Hallow's Eve" where towns' people would dress up in costumes to scare away evil spirits, hence, why we dress up on halloween. :)

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Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Wow it's been a while...

So, It's been a while, neh? Oops...I just haven't really had much to say. I often write on my other blogs, but not so much on this one. (You guys might find this one And I'm also very excited for something that *might* happen next semester...I'm going to be studying abroad next semester! I'm so excited! I'm going to an Asian country, where my dad lives (he works there), so I'll be living with him for free...Did I mention that he has a maid that comes three times a week? ^_^ heh heh, just kidding. (but he really does have a maid though) I'm going there to be studying the language, so that will bring my language total up to 4! Wow! That really excites me! (for the record, I know English, Finnish, and German...and Finnish is NOTHING like English or German, which are rather close to each other) And I'm studying Agricultural Journalism, which is exciting! I know what you may be thinking, "Agricultural journalism? Isn't that cows and farms and stuff?" No, it isn't. It's actually SCIENCE journalism, which is VERY exciting. You get to see all sorts of cool stuff, and then write about it! I'll essentially be learning stuff for my career! (and I LOVE to learn new and interesting things...Note: INTERESTING things, heh) That's about it for my life right now, i guess. I'll try to post more so that this doesn't just sit here, and besides, I love your comments! *hugs each of you* Take Care! ~Laura

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