Friday, October 14, 2005

Grr. The opposite sex can be so confusing. If you want to avoid moody ranting, go elsewhere. Yeah. I have this guy friend, let's call him "Chris." So, Chris and I have been friends for, what, 4 years now, and I can't possibly remember a time that I didn't like him. I think that I only became friends with him in the beginning BECAUSE I liked him. (I was so stupid back then...Not that I'm not now!) I have grown to really appreciate him as a friend but I've always wished that there were something more. At one point, he had a girlfriend, and I actually LOVED him at the same time. It just KILLED me to think of how much I loved him, and I couldn't have him. Now I realize, this stupid love thing may have had to do with fear of my foreign exchange year. I just wanted something to hold onto, and I realize that a boy probably wasn't the best way to do it, and I'm glad that nothing happened that way. After I found out some nasty facts about things he was diong with that girlfriend at the time, my heart split in two. I still wasn't angry with him, and I vowed that I'd never like him again after that. When I was away, I didn't like him. In fact, I didn't really like anybody, but at that time, I was strictly against getting a boyfriend, so it wasn't a big deal. Guess what happened when I came back? Just one good look at him, and POW! I liked him again. In the beginning, it wasn't a big deal. I had a lot of other stuff on my mind, so it kind of got pushed to the side. After a brief giddy period, I realized that he has NEVER liked me, and never will. He's just a flirty guy, I know this for a fact. He flirts with all my single friends (who are girls) Then enter Homecoming. He then asked me very sweetly to save a dance for him. (Of course I said yes.)At the dance, he forgot to dance with me (not surprising for "Chris"), but I yelled at him for it and he danced with me the last bit of the song with me. That dance...well...I felt for that one moment...He was mine, and nobody elses. He held me so tight...I didn't understand. During this dance, he said that he'd make it up to me. I asked how, and he said that he couldn't tell me that, I'd see when the time came. I then asked him when he'd tell me what he'd do. He thought for what seemed like forever, and he said, "By Winter formal (another dance in which us girls wear pretty dresses) or Prom I'll know." Afterwards, I bugged him at school about it and he hugged me for a long time. (It would have been longer but I had a test to review for. >_< ) I then wrote a note to him, because I realized that he was sincerely sorry for forgetting. I wrote at the end (being mischevious) "what if I can't wait for Winter formal or Prom? *raises eyebrows*" (exact words) Now he's weird to me now. He's done this before when I've told him (God knows) how many times I've liked him. I'm almost positive that he likes someone else, and I know he can't like me...but I just...I'm just so new to this whole guy thing, that I can't even realize flirting from actually liking me. It's not like he goes out of his way to talk to me or hang out with me. I guess he's just flirty. Tomorrow I HAVE to talk to him. I want to ask him point-blank "Why are you avoiding me?" To me, my friendship with him comes first, then if it turns into something more, GREAT! If not, I'll deal with it. I guess I'm just having a hard time coming terms with reality. Any opinions? I could use your help. (Please take into account that I've never had a relationship before...not one that counted, at least.) Take Care. ~Minako Don't dream to far, Don't lose sight of who you are, Don't remember that rush of joy, He could be that boy, I'm not that girl... ~Elphaba from the Broadway show Wicked

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