Sunday, July 23, 2006

o...hai...yo...?

it is 2:30 AM and I havent' been to bed yet...so tired but can't sleep...just took and posted up a ton of quizzes...augh... Blog Layout and Design by me in paint

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Sunday, July 16, 2006

Sorry

Sorry I haven't been on in so long. I've been busy with my other site and I've been sick. If you want more explanation, please visit my other site. Thank you for understanding. Blog Layout and Design by me in paint

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Sunday, July 9, 2006

These last few days I've been crying...

I try to say I'm better, I try to tuck it away, but at night the tears still come. I feel like something has been torn from see, shattered stolen. Jordan, why, why? Couldn't you see I love you? It's times like this my angsty lyrics come out... Here I am, crying in the dark you think you've found my heart but it's died, away, astray here i am, the walls are closing in admitting to my sin loving you has brought me only pain and here i am, again again your voice is running through my head why is it, no matter where i run to... you remain? oh, here i am, alone again the blood gushes out my veins i thought i washed out all the red but still the stain remains who knew that my chest could burn this way...for you tearing off your ring......... and here i am, again again your voice is running through my head why is it, no matter where i run to... you remain? oh, here i am, alone again why is it that i try so hard for none to touch me? yet you aproach, and suddenly i can hardly breathe? need your hands on my breasts, my thighs, my hips and then my lips wanting you to take, every part of me? so why? why do you disapear? take what's left of me...then leave me in despair? here i am again, crying in the dark there you are again, you think you've found my heart but if you want to know the truth it's already there with you... and here i am, again again your voice is running through my head why is it, no matter where i run to... you remain? oh, here i am, alone again and here i am, again again your voice is running through my head why is it, no matter where i run to... you remain? oh, here i am, alone again Blog Layout and Design by me in paint

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Sunday, June 25, 2006

Sigh

Well, I'm back. For real, my original site is even back up and running! I'm a little sad today...but I kinda talked about that on my other site and I don't want to bring people down. Today I have the day off from work and it is 1400 hours my time. I am trying to cleanse my troubled soul through catching up on here, playing video games, writing out thank you cards for things, cleaning, etc. I ate a bit breakfast at about 8:30 and haven't eaten anything since...I'm just trying to keep to myself...keep busy. Right now I'm kinda acting like Daisuke. I don't want people to see me sad. I just want them to look away for a moment until I'm smiling again. ^_^ I'm writing more of my fanfiction...it's taken a lot of turns and I hope everyone likes it once I get it up. Unfortunately, it does have one homosexual couple. I know some people don't like that, in fact, I usually don't. That's kinda just how this ended up. It's fruits basket as well as original. ShigurexHatori, AyamexMine, TohruxKyo, KimixRyuxSakura(deceased) ((oc)) I know, that doesn't make sense, does it? Sorry -_-;; hm...well...I have a few more sites to visit, then I have to get some meds in me...I've been ignoring my health. Well, please continue to put up on me on both my sites. I am indebted to your kindness. Blog Layout and Design by me in paint

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Tuesday, June 20, 2006

sigh

Sometimes this one's brother just doesn't know how to control himself. This really causes a lot of upset to this one. He killed all the joy this one was feeling TT_TT However, I shall try my best to forget what has transpired and instead recreate, coherantly I hope, the happiness I was feeling. Let's see...I was driving home from work after stopping at the mall. It was raining lightly and the sun was setting into shades of purple, blue, yellow and pink. That's right.... It was beautiful. and to top it all off, upbeat worship music was playing. Yes, I feel it again. The calm surrender. The peace. Suddenly, all the suicidal thoughts and depression dissapeared. The weight of the world was no longer on this one's shoulders. because it isn't. It's on His shoulders--and He's the only one who can handle the strain. Yes, that's it really. Today, I got out of work early cause we ran out of stuff to do. July will make up for this though when we get gazoodles of overtime *sigh* I am already working 40 to 50 hours a week, and it's hard physical labor too. This one is very tired and sore. 'tis worth it though, in the end. Today I bought the DVD of Howl's Moving Castle. I love that movie!!! I also love the original novel it is loosely based of off. Let's see, what else to report? Outside of work, I have been reading, writing future chapters of my fanfics, seeing my friends, swimming, visiting relatives...I got to see my little cousin Chase. He's six months old and one day as of today. He's so adorable~!!! hmm...my brother AJ-Chan got a part in the local production of Wizard of Oz. My site is still under construction...sigh... forget what I wanted to say...>_- Oh! I have a date on Thursday. Unfortunately, it is a good-bye date. My good friend J-Kun is moving away to Texas. but the weight of this too, has this one given to Him. Whatever happens, happens. sigh Well, I want to visit some sites before I fall asleep. Sorry I've been so busy!!! *bow* This one apologises!!! Oro! Blog Layout and Design by me in paint

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Thursday, June 15, 2006

TToTT

Yesterday, work went really well. We were so busy!!!! I used hardly any insulin and still got lows. I sliced open my thumb with the tape dispenser though. Man that hurt. Today I had to call in sick. I'm really, really, really, really dizzy and nausous and stuff. so yeah, can't even get to sites sorry. Just wanted to give you guys an update. How do you like my theme so far? Blog Layout and Design by me in paint

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Saturday, June 10, 2006

Sad ;-;

Once again, sorry I haven't been to sites. I am happy to say that I should be able to catch up with guestbook signings and visits on Monday. Now, today...sigh... I like work, it's not that...though it was my first week, I had time off, and I still worked 35 hours. sigh. I've just been kinda down. I read the entire series of tokyo babylon (-vol1) two days ago and that kinda got me into a funk. you see, Subaru-Kun and I are almost alike. And it got me thinking about how the situation with Seishiro-San...that kind of stuff has happened to me and changed me like Subaru-Kun was changed. That got me down. Seishiro is a ... a lot of bad things that I won't say. He's an awesome character...but he broke Subaru-Kun's heart TT_TT And then I started thinking about love and how it's gotten me down. I mean, it makes me stronger and love is the most wonderful thing on earth, but it also hurts like hell. It's hard to explain. But my beloved is moving away soon and he doesn't want us to leave each other as too serious...he doesn't want to make leaving even worse I guess but...it hurts more this way. And we were invited out on a triple-date tomorrow and knowing deep down in my heart that talking to him would be no use...I can't help crying. Oh well, sorry about that. Talk to you Monday if not sooner. Blog Layout and Design by me in paint

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006

zzz -_- sry I can't get to sites so often zzz

Well, Damion concernly (is that a word) asking me if I was doing okay alluded me to the fact that I haven't been on here in ages and won't be on for a few more ages. I'm so sorry, I've been so busy!!! I finished school, yea for graduation! and got a full-time job to raise money for university. oy, the job is uber hard work and kinda dangerous too...working in a warehouse, packaging things and lifting the packages onto an assembly line and other things. I have to lift over fifty pounds and get all scraped up but the worst thing is getting my wits together and remembering everything and going super fast! and it's eight hours a day! Today I had off cause I had to travel to my university to register for fall classes and what-not. I like my schedule ^_^ and I've been so exhausted with work and travel that today I kinda crashed and read a bunch of fanfiction. hm...lesse...what do I have time to spill before taking my medicines and going to sleep...(I have to get to work by about 4:45 AM tomorrow...) lesse...today at my registration i met a girl named Britnay and we instantly clicked. She's so f****** awesome! She's also a total anime fangirl! and we are both joining the anime club my university has! holy sweetness! I am also for sure joining campus ministry. I'm thinking about bowling club cause it's by the same person as the anime club and bowling is pretty fun. I'm thinking about a soriety but whatever, I have time... here are my classes: Piano, Materials and Values in Music, Ear Training and Sight Singing, Micro Economics, Popular Music since 1955, concert Choir, and private voice lessons. Not obvious at all that I'm a music major, huh? >_< I was going to take biology, but you need to take a lab at the same time and I would have too many credits, plus, labs I had time for were full. Oh well, there's the spring. I still don't know where I live or who my roomate is until the spring. Oh! and I'm having a family grad party on sunday--four other cousins gratuated at the same time as me, so there's a huge party! Yep, so I think I'm caught up now. Next week I should be working the 1PM-9PM shift instead of 5AM-1PM shift so I'll have some time to visit sites. Right now I have to crash. Night. Blog Layout and Design by me in paint

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Friday, May 26, 2006

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today is my last flippin' day of high school!!!!! I have finals, graduation practice and then lunch and then I'm having a small party!!! whoot!!!! hell yeah! hell yeah! hell yeah! Over the weekend I'm going to make up my absense to everyone and get to every single site, I swear!!! Oh, I don't have much time, but I wanted to share some great news. I ordered a fruits basket school uniform (winter) to be specially made from me through e-bay by this lady in China and it arrived last night!!!! It fits perfectly and makes me so happy!!!!! >_< Well, I have to go to my FLIPPIN' LAST DAY OF SCHOOL now. ttyl Blog Layout and Design by me in paint

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Monday, May 22, 2006

   ^_^ Happy

So, last night was my senior mass and awards ceremony. I went to the mass, not feeling well at all, and got to sing though which was good. I didn't want to stay for the awards, cause I knew I wouldn't win any, but inbetween mass and awards, my french teacher stopped me. "Just to let you know, both you and Sarah have won the french award." Okay, so she went on to say how deserving we were and stuff but...yeah...so happy!!!! I actually won the french award ^//^ So I was sitting in the awards ceremony and I'm all psyched, I'm like "I actually got the french award!" but it was taking so long that I started zoning out...all these scholarships were being given away to the major super genius volunteer people...right about when I started REALLY zoning out and wondering when the night would end...one of the speakers said, "this scholarship goes to *my name*" I was like, "OMG!" ^//^ So I won a scholarship for $500 for my second semester of college! It was based off grades, volunteer hours, and submitted essays. I'm so happy. And then, to top it all off, I got another award!!!! A participation award for being in yearbook. It's a photo album ^//^ (btw--the french award was a placque) So yeah, I totally thought I wouldn't win anything and I won three things ^//^ Today I was still sick, but it was okay...my Hamlet project due tomorrow is finished and my paper of many parts due thursday is almost finished...plus...this week is my last week of high school!!!!!!!!!!!! whoot!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and this weekend was very fun *wink, wink* Went on the diabetes walk and got sunburn, went shopping, slept over at tora's with yasha and atlantis children. Yasha and I had a very fun time in the hot tub, didn't we, Yasha? *wink, wink* I sound so bad >_< I am straight btw. I GOT TO SEE HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE AND IT IS AMAZING!!!! NOT LIKE THE NOVEL AT ALL, BUT AMAZING!!!! Well, I'd better get going, I'm getting dizzy again. I promise to start visiting sites again soon. I really am sorry. ttyl Blog Layout and Design by me in paint

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