Friday, October 3, 2003

   Grrrrrr!!
I finally fall asleep at 5am, they wake me up at 6:30. It's now almost 7:30 and I'm wide awake. I love the people I live with!! WoooOOOHoooo!!!!
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   Pay no attention to me.
I'm just complaining about nothing. Life's a bitch and then you die. My life's not even that bad compared to most people. Besides, I don't let what anyone says, including Laura, phase me anymore. I'm pretty mean to her nowadays anyway. But if that's not satisfying enough for you, sit back whilst I tell you a story.........
Way back when, when John Q was in the theaters, Laura, myself, our sister Leigh, our cousins Cassie and Chris, and Cassie's boyfriend Tony decided to go see it. The movie was good and we all had a good time. When it got out it was about 11 o'clock at night and our van was pretty much the only vehicle in the parking lot. Leigh had the keys and, thinking she was funny, ran ahead of us and locked us all out of the van. I was amused, after all, we weren't in a hurry and it was only sprinkling. In my eyes she was just being silly. Well, Laura was not happy. She started screaming at Leigh to open the door as the rest of us laughed and Leigh made faces at her. Not even two minutes later Leigh opened the door and all Hell broke loose. Laura jumped into the van and went completely psychotic and started beating the shit out of Leigh with the huge pointy umbrella she was carrying. This was going on in the middle seat. Cassie told Laura to stop and after a few more whacks, she did. By that time of course Leigh was bawling her eyes out. So Chris and I got in the back of the van and I started screaming, "What the fuck crawled up your ass and died?" Laura told me to shut the fuck up. I said "What if I don't? What are you gonna do, hit me with that fucking umbrella too?"
And sure enough, in a flash she whipped around and swung the umbrella like a baseball bat and slammed it against the side of my head. For the first time I actually fought back and didn't just sit there and take it. I immediately jumped over the seat, landed on her, and proceeded to kick her ass. I just kept punching her and couldn't seem to stop. Well, Chris pulled and Tony pushed so they eventually managed to get me off of her and then Cassie came around and triumphantly took the umbrella. It took me a second to notice that my nose hurt because she had punched me in the face and I was also getting a headache. But still I couldn't help but smile.....so you can just imagine the look Chris was giving me as I sat there smiling while Laura and Leigh cried. All in all I'd say it was a pretty good day.
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   No one can disappoint me quite like she can.
"never forgot the time you made me feel alive
when death was on my mind
or when you held onto me
when the world let me fall behind
you were love to me rather than just a word
a friend was all you were & it changed my heart
stood next to me through the storm
felt the wounds & kept me warm
something i had never seen before & i thank you"

This is what my big sister Laura's best friend wrote to her. Isn't it nice? Yeah. But wouldn't it be nice if I could write her something like that? Telling her how much I appreciate her helping me through all the hard times in my life. I admit it would be nice, but in the end my thank you note would say.....
Laura, thank you for your words of encouragement and advice. For instance, when you told me you wished I would just slit my wrists and die already which would make everyone that I was apparently making miserable, very happy. And for all the years you beat the shit out of me, called me ugly and fat, and ignored me....well I just wouldn't be the same without those fond memories to look back on. Thanks for talking about me behind my back, calling me a freak, a spaz, and a psycho, to name a few. For ganging up on me with our drunk grandmother who hates me, causing me to have several nervous break downs which consisted of me crying so hard I began to hyperventilate and my arms would go numb. Oh how I long for those good old days. How could I forget that time when Nana said I was causing her so much stress that she had to take a 3rd dose of Nitro which, so she says, means that she had a heart attack, and you stood by Mom and nodded as she proceeded to tell me that if Nana died.......she would never forgive me. I just wouldn't be the same without any of you guys. But especially you Laura, because if you hadn't ignored me when I finally built up the courage to ask for help as I was slowly but surely losing the last part of my soul, I might have continued to hope and have faith that someday my life would get better. And we all know how stupid that would have made me. Thank God for small miracles huh? But most of all, thank you for ridding me of all my useless human emotions that only got me into trouble. Because of you, I feel nothing, care for nothing, and know that I am nothing.
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Thursday, October 2, 2003

   The coolest person I know.
I've decided to look on the bright side of things. Well, at least the stupid football game. It just now dawned on me that maybe, just maybe, Bianca will be there!! That would just brighten my day. She is without a doubt the coolest person I know and I love her madly!! No I'm not a lesbian, although I think she might be. Who cares? Reminiscing about the good old days when we used to skip gym class together makes me nostalgic. The last time I saw her was May 4, when we took the T into Boston and went to the aquarium because I had been talking about how I hadn't been there since I was 5. We spent 15 dollars each only to realize that it was a lot smaller than I remembered and left after 20 minutes. But after, we spent 2 hours in FYE just listening to music, and then we played in a toy store until they asked us to leave because apparently your not supposed to actually play with anything. Alright, so we shouldn't have been playing dodge ball, but some people need to lighten up. Getting attacked by pigeons as we tried to eat our Chinese food in Faneul Hall will forever remain a fond memory. And yet, with all those fond memories dwells regret. As usual. After the funnest day I had, had in a long time, Bianca told me to call her and for a lot of stupid reasons I could never bring myself to pick up the damn phone. Part of me felt that everything could only go downhill from where I was standing and I wanted to have something good to look back on. Of course now as I look back, I wish I had called her. She is the only person who has a positive effect on me, mainly because she is also cynical but in an extremely funny way. One of few who doesn't have to try to be funny, she just is. Without a care in the world she just is who she wants to be; a sarcastic, punky, tomboy/skateboarder with an astonishingly immense vocabulary and she's also a talented artist. Another reason we get along so well is the fact that she is so open minded and accepts people for who they are, no questions asked. Everyone else is so judgemental that being around her is a breath of fresh air. It made my day when a week ago Katie told me that she had seen Bianca and that she had said "Tell Linda to call me or the next time I see her I'm gonna kick her ass!" The promise of violence if I see her on Friday looms over me like an ominous black cloud (I'm so melodramatic). Having the chance to not screw up and let my insecurities get in the way again would be worth a few bruises. Please, let me reiterate that I don't like her like that. It's just that she is the only person who has never let me down or treated me as if I didn't matter. For the 3 years I've known and been friends with her she's never disappointed me or treated me like shit. Sadly the same can't be said for me. Hopefully she won't be too mad. That would make me feel like such a jerk, which I guess I am. Five months without a phone call........ I am indeed an asshole.
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Wednesday, October 1, 2003

   *sarcastic tone* Happy, happy, joy, joy!
Why me? Katie is making me go to the Gloucester football game on Friday. Obviously we're gonna lose.....I mean we came close last year and the year before... but we suck this year because now all the idiots my age get to play. The highlight of the evening will be watching people get thrown out of Wendie's and have to suffer with walking the extra 20 feet to Burger King after the game. And for those of you who have seen A Perfect Storm, I don't know anyone who talks like Mark Wahlberg, Diane Lane, or anyone else in that movie. Sure not everyone thoroughly pronounces their r's, but that movie was just ridiculous. I cringed the whole time I was watching it. The Gloucester Fishermen suck!! Squish the Fish! Squish the Fish! I've always found that cheer incredibly unsettling. Who wants their team name to be the Fishermen? Although, I don't think the Rams is a lot better. God I don't want to go. Team spirit, me?? Yeah right!! I always got yelled at, at those stupid pep rallies because I wouldn't cheer or participate in "the wave." Marco would start yelling "Go Gloucester!!" and me and Jess would applaud him. Is there a point to all this?? Not really, but I seldom have one. I'm just looking for an excuse to stay home and postpone all human contact for as long as I possibly can.
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Tuesday, September 30, 2003

   This looks interesting.

Nuts-O Angel

Find out what anime villan you are.

You're like Rociel from the series, Angel Sanctuary.

You probably break down into nervous fits of insane laughter a lot. It's also a pretty good possibility that you're pretty strong in your emotions for a sibling...be they good emotions or bad. You are also one of the few types of villans that would just assume crush higher beings than people.

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   Hmmm........amusing.
Bender - "Slave, why are you not working?"

Slave#1 - "But, I am Pharoah."

Bender - "I meant yourself to death."

Slave#2 - "Great Pharoah, it hurts when I breathe."

Bender - "Then what do you think you should stop doing?"

-"He's pending for a bending."
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Hmmm...... I've never played it.

Vincent:
Silent, strong, and very very very deadly. This is
one bad mofo, and you don't wanna piss him off.
He lives in a constant nightmare, and is
extremely lonely.


What FF7 char are you??
brought to you by Quizilla

From "Final Fantasy 7"
What Video Game Villain Are You?
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Monday, September 29, 2003

   The epitome of perfection.
Indeed she is. My little sister (little, HAH!!) Leigh is indeed perfect. She's about 5'9 and a half, built like a model, beautiful, gets staight A's, is the MVP of every sport she plays, and she is also a sweetie. I love her to death. For the past few months she's been going to Barbizon modeling school and today I went with her when she auditioned for their annual modeling and talent competition. We won't know if they chose her to compete in it until tomorrow. If they didn't I'm gonna kick their asses!! Anywhen, after that I met Laura and Katie at my Nana's and they wanted to go tanning at a place where your first time is free. Well, I am sort of claustrophobic and the first and last time I went tanning three years ago I got so nervous that I started singing to focus on something else. After my friend and I left she said that she could here me singing all the way at the other end of the hall. Hmmm so thats why everyone was staring at me. But since I've recently started a crusade to overcome a lot of my fears and kick some bad habits, I decided that today I would suck it up and be a big girl. Plus I look like I'm dying I'm so pale. It wasn't that bad, I didn't even sing! Katie was so proud. I don't really think that I'll be doing that again anytime soon though. It gives me the heebie jeebies!! It's 1:15 a.m. and there is nothing on tv so I think I'm gonna go watch Young Frankenstein again. Gene Wilder is so funny. See No Evil Here No Evil is one of the funniest movies ever. Hmmmm, or maybe I'll watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. Decisions Decisions.
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Saturday, September 27, 2003

I am shocked, SHOCKED!!

D

Find out what anime bad boy you are.





Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz.

I guess I'm about as outside as you get considering I don't even go anymore.
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