Sunday, April 3, 2005

18 Days Til Birthday, And Counting!
^_^ Well, I'm feeling rather happy right now. Nothin' real bad has happened in the last couple of days, so tis all good.

Plus, I think what helps in my feel happy mood is that Ducky (my sister) and I got our mom a gift a couple days ago, and she really liked it. We were at Fred Meyer (a variety store), and we saw The Incredibles DVD, and bought it.
We were worried that, when our mom came home, she would say, "Guess what? I got The Incredibles!" lol Luckily, such a thing never happened.
So, yeah... we gave her a gift, and she liked it. ^_^ I like giving out gifts to people, better than receiving. You always feel good after doing so.

And, there was something else that happened last Friday that's worth mentioning.
One of our friends was going to be in this Jazz concert at her junior high school, and she invited us (and when I say "us", I mean Ducky, my mom and my dad, and myself). Since it was only polite to accept, we went. I had a good time, I don't know about my mom. They were serving dessert... chocolate cake and cheesecake and such, so I would've been satisfied even if the band sucked. But, they were really good, considering the fact that they're only junior high students.
During the whole concert, people were free to dance if they wished, and some did, but never a lot of people. I wanted to get up and dance, but the thing is... I don't really know how. I've never taken any lessons, and I could really hurt myself trying to imitate the stuff on TV.
The last song was a real up-beat tune. It was called the "Swing Song" or something, but it sounded a lot like "Sing, Sing, Sing With A Swing" (the song in The Mask). Either way, it was really cool, and I REALLY wanted to dance then, but I didn't.
Then, they did an encore, and I couldn't help myself. I got up, and just started moving. At one point, I did something with my knees, and a bunch of people applauded. (I bet most of them were older people, who have no clue what kind of dances kids are into these days, and whatnot.)
Later on, after the concert, this lady came up to me and asked, "How'd you learn to dance like that? Me and my husband were just sitting there wondering 'How can she do that?'"
My natural response was, "I didn't!" (As in, I didn't learn to dance at all.) I was very flattered...
I mean, being able to trick middle-aged people into thinking that I, a dorky white girl who's never had a dance lesson in her life, into thinking that I CAN dance... *sniff* there's just something special about that!

One more thing of importance... I'M ON SPRING BREAK!!! *dances* Finally! ^_^ I can take this time to finish my report! w00t!

And, that's all folks!

Ta!

~God Bless~
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Friday, April 1, 2005

Uhhh... yeah...
^_^ Thanks to everyone who commented on my last post. It helped, it really did. I'm feeling a bit better now, so... thanks again.

In other news, I reached 3000 downloads on my wallpapers yesterday. Heh, every thousand comes sooner than the last, huh? Heheh...
Also, I've now submitted 50 Tsubasa wallpapers in a row. IN A ROW! I'm surprised I didn't run out of pics to use. I think now I'll start making other types of wallpapers, like Cardcaptor Sakura. I'll still continue to make Tsubasa:RC ones, just not two a day. XD

That's all I wanted to say, just a very short update. Again, thank you all for being here for me, I appreciate it a lot.

~God Bless~
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Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Cry If I Want To
Well, guess what my friends? I cried again last night. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but... let me explain. I'll try and keep this as true as possible, and not let my own biased opinions get in the way.

Last night, I was washing dishes. And, as a little note, I HATE doing dishes late at night. It was 11:30 or so when I was doing them. I always get grumpy when this happens, so it wasn't great timing when my brother Kyle happened to come into the kitchen.
He asked me what was wrong, and I just said I'm grumpy right now, and I'm trying not to be. Something like that, anyway. After awhile, my sister joined us in the kitchen, and they started joking around, and Kyle must've said something I didn't like, because I just went off. I don't even remember everything that was said anymore, it's almost like a blur now.
All I know is, about that whole part of the "argument" was that I was being rather childish. I let my anger blind me, and wasn't thinking straight at all. I was being mad at anyone who was in my way, and that's not good at any time.
At one point, I started to walk away, but FIRST I hit Kyle on the back. OH HO! He doesn't like it when I hit him! So then, he got mad and either hit me or kicked me in the butt, saying, "NEVER hit me!" (Something like that... remember, can't quite recall all of that.) Then, I replied, saying, "Well then, don't kick me in the butt anymore! If you hit me, I'm gonna hit you, but if you don't, I'll return the favor!" Kyle then made a comment about how I'm just a girl who likes to pick fights.
I've thought about it, and I'm not sure if it's true or not. I tend to get in fights with my brother a lot, but... do I enjoy it? I hope not. That would just be... wrong, and creepy, in a way.
Well, Kyle went downstairs to his room, and I went down the hall to mine, but before I closed the door, I said to my sister, "The day he dies will be the happiest day of my life!"
Right now, I can't believe I said that. It's not the first time I've said "I wish my brother was dead", but... still. How horrible am I to wish the death of my own brother?!
Once I was in my room, on my bed, I started crying. Sobbing, even. I still can't think of exactly why I was crying, but I just couldn't help it. Again, it wasn't necessarily a bad thing for me to cry, because crying does relieve stress and all. I just wish I knew why...
While I was crying, I thought, "If Robin (my sister) comes in here, I'm gonna tell her to leave. I just wanna be alone!"
I quickly realized that I was actually waiting for my sister to come into my room and comfort me. It was a good realization, and one that I should keep in mind, for future references.
What seemed like an hour later, my sister came in, and just hugged me while I was still on my bed. I was still crying. She asked me what's wrong, and I couldn't answer her. Because, I just don't know.
After awhile, I whimpered out the phrase (or question, as it were), "What's wrong with me?"
Her response was to say, "What?" And then, for a little longer still, I kept on crying.
Then, when I started to stop, I got up so I could blow my nose. Don't think this was the end of my crying, because it wasn't. Just a lull in the whole process.
Well, anyway, Robin followed me into the kitchen, and asked me a few questions... I can't remember those anymore either. I can recall a few things I said though. "I must be a horrible person, to wish the death of my own brother!" "I'm never truly happy anymore." And, "I feel so unloved."
That one comment, "I'm never truly happy anymore", was a breakthrough for me. I don't know if it's necessarily true, but... I do know that my happiest moment in the day is when I get to go online.
My life is just the same routine, every single day. I get up, make my bed, get dressed, eat breakfast, do schoolwork, wash the dishes, go online, play Animal Crossing, do something to quench my boredom, work out, eat dinner, watch some TV, get ready for bed, read in my Bible, pray, and go to sleep. Then, the next day, it starts all over again. It's almost always the same, with maybe a few changes here and there.
And... I'm tired of it. So very tired of the same thing, day in and day out. That's one thing I realized last night, that needs to be changed.
That other comment, that "I feel so unloved", is definitely not true, as far as people who love me. But I do feel that way sometimes. I don't know why... there are so many things I don't know yet about myself...
Yet, I do have people who love me. There's my parents, my sister, and I know God loves me. He loves everyone.
Still, this is one reason why I'm so addicted to the internet. On here, I can talk to people who just except me for who I am, and call me friend, and might even love me. I don't know... either way, I feel much better when I get online. Is that bad, that the internet brings me so much relief?
Anyway, there was one more incident last night that's worth mentioning. After I had calmed down and stopped crying, I read in my Bible, like I do every night. And I thought of that thing, where you close your eyes, and turn to a random place in your Bible and read the first verse you see. Heh, this is what came up for me:
"Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid." - Proverbs 12:1
It fits me so perfectly. I'm so stubborn sometimes, that I can't even listen to other people's advice. And if I don't listen to their advice, how am I supposed to get any better?
I showed that verse to my sister, and she asked me one last thing, something along the lines of, "What's wrong?" I told her, "I dunno... I just need a break... "
"From what?"
"Just... a break..."
That's another thing I realized. I need a break, a vacation from something. I don't yet know what, but at least that's something I can think over for the next few days.
Right before I went to bed, I prayed. I prayed that God would help me at this time. I told Him that I feel very lonely and unloved, even though I know there are people in this world who love me. Yet, I can't help this feeling, and I prayed that He would help guide me right now. 'Cause I sure need it.

I feel lonely, and unloved, and I need a break from my life. I wish I knew what I needed a break from, but... oh well. That knowledge will come in time.
I need to keep that verse in mind... "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid." It's already helped me so far, and I hope it'll do more for me in the future.

Thanks to all, who've actually read this incredibly long post. I really needed to get that out. And thanks to Lewna, who encouraged me to write out my feelings. (She said to do so in a personal journal, but I feel better about sharing it with all of you.)

Again, thanks...

~God Bless~
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Monday, March 28, 2005

A Bit Of Wallpaper Drabble And Broken Dishes
Just a bit of an update, not much to say though.

Ahem...

My most popular wallpaper has now gotten 100 downloads! ^^ Hee, finally! lol And, surprisingly enough, tisn't one of my Tsubasa wallpapers, but one of my Cardcaptor Sakura ones. I think it's popular because of the quote I used: "Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for." Or, maybe it's the picture, I dunno! lol

Oh, and I submitted four Tsubasa wallpapers today, to make up for not submitting any yesterday. ^_^ I like most of them, so check 'em out if you want.
Speaking of Tsubasa, I've almost submitted fifty wallpapers. o.O I think I've sent in 46 by now, not sure.
Wow... the one thing that I can't help but think is, "How do I keep thinking of ideas for these things?!"
It will remain a mystery for all eternity...

Anyway, enough about wallpapers! Although, I'm so sure you're begging me to go on, right?
... I thought so.

Well, yesterday I broke another dish. *sighs* This time a plate. The day before it was a glass. I had been putting some dishes away, and it slipped out of my hand and into the sink. Luckily, only one little shard bounced off my hand before going into the sink. I'm lucky I didn't get seriously hurt.
I was pretty mad at myself though. And that anger was only fueled yesterday when I was loading the dishwasher this time, and a plate slipped out of my hand and fell on the floor. Again, I was lucky that I stepped back in time, before it could land on my feet or something...

By this time, I was pretty stressed out about stuff in general, and when that plate broke, I kinda lost it. My mom ran into the kitchen and asked what was wrong, and I yelled, "I broke the darn plate! AAAARRGH!" During that "AAAARRGH", I threw an oven mit across the room (at least I couldn't break THAT, right? *rolls eyes*). And after a bit of an angry spurt, I started crying.

Remember when I said I don't cry much? Well, that has a downside... after awhile, all this anger and sadness builds up, and I'll just blow up or start crying at the littlest things. Such as, a dish breaking. It's a very bad habit, one that needs to be solved. I'm not sure if it can even be classified as a "habit", but either way, I need to stop doing that.

Anyway, my mom kept asking me why I was crying, and when I didn't say anything, she said, "It's just a dish, you don't need to cry over it."

Well, like I'm sure I've made obvious in this post, that wasn't why I was crying. Just, too many little things grating on my nerves, all this stress...

Later, I told my mom that, while I had been washing the dishes, I couldn't help but think that I work the hardest out of all of us kids. And she agreed. Heh, I'll most likely be getting a pay raise now.

More manga for me! XD

Anyway, hope you're all well. Ta!

~God Bless~
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Saturday, March 26, 2005

Oh My, Indeed!
Why must men have so much pride? Can any males out there answer my question, PLEASE?!?

*sighs* The reason I ask is because I have two brothers who can't stand to lose in a video game, and it's very annoying!
Just today, my brother Kyle threw his controller because he was losing in Mario Kart: Double Dash. Ugh! He tends to get angry at that game a lot, so one must wonder why he keeps asking Ducky and I to play with him. "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." Games are meant to be fun, so once you stop having fun, STOP PLAYING! For gashsplurned sakes!

And my other brother, Eric, is MUCH worse! He will lecture the game... yeah, you read right, LECTURE! As soon as a game starts to become difficult, he'll groan and yell, and even throw stuff around. And he's almost 20 years old! My gosh! It's unbelievable!

Admittedly, I've gotten frustrated over games before, but not as much as those two. It's really bad, and it's scary too! You never know what they might do next! Who knows, they could throw something at YOU, and then we'd be in a heap of trouble! Well, technically, they'd be the ones in trouble, not me or Ducky, or anyone else.

Do any other guys that you know do this? I hope I'm not the only one who has brothers like that... well, to correct myself, I hope I AM the only one with brothers like that! Twould be horrid for anyone to have to deal with that, 'cause it's just plain stupid. Why be angry over a game? It's meant to entertain, not frustrate. Again, "if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen!"

Man, and the two of them, my brothers, can't stand it when we tell them to calm down. Yet again, Eric being the worst of them. They'll automatically tell you to "SHUT UP!" and then return to their game, only to get even more frustrated with it! Do they have no sense? Don't they know when to stop?? And why must I continue to rant about this, when obviously no one else is interested???

"These questions, and more, will be answered in the next episode!!

Dun, dun, DUUUUN!!!"

... okay, weird moment there, but I think I'm done now. *sighs* Stupid brothers... *mumbles, and grumbles, and all sorts of other "umbles"*

~God Bless~
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Thursday, March 24, 2005

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! *dances*
Well, it's official, my friends. My site now has 300 visits! *applauding* Thank you, thank you! *bows* I couldn't have done it without you!

*turns off applauding machine*

Anyway, has anyone else noticed the lack in myO updates? I'm not complaining! Tis a lot easier this way, 'cause now I don't have to check so many sites, but... still. Is it because everyone's on spring break? Eheh... whatever. Either way, just felt like mentioning that. lol

Awww man! And it also reminds me that I don't get spring break till the first week of April. >.<
It's not too far off, but you know! A break sounds VERY nice right now! As I believe I've already expressed in a previous post... *sighs* oh well.

Hmmm, I guess that's all really. Don't have much else to say. Yet another short post for this one. ^_^ Short posts aren't bad though, right?

Anyway, ta for now!

~God Bless~
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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Need... *gasp* fluffyness! *gasp*
Oh my indeed... I need to read some romance fics or something, FAST! Oh dear. As a girl, there comes a time in my life, every once in awhile, where I NEED to read some fluffy stuff! I don't think it helps that I just read this book called "Beauty", which was a "re-telling of the story of Beauty and the Beast". (Actually, it did help, but I still want more, gashsplurnit!) Oh, you KNOW how fluffy that is! And I LOVED IT! Ahhhh! *sighs* Twas such bliss, reading that book! In fact, I read the whole thing in one day, which I normally don't do. We (as in Ducky and I) were supposed to read that book for school, over the course of five days (one school week, work week, whatever!). But, I just couldn't help it! Twas soooo well written, and so... COOL!
Btw, if you want to read the book (which I suggest you do), tis called "Beauty", written by Robin McKinley. v^.^ For all you girls out there, you must read it! Especially if you're in the same mood I am at the moment!
Oh my again... I must go find an InuYasha fic now that's based off the Beauty and the Beast story! @.@ Darn my girly-lovey-dovey-moods!

Oh, and have I mentioned that I homeschool? Well, if I haven't before, I'm tellin' ya now!
I'm glad I homeschool too. Public schools don't really sound very fun. >.< Full of mean people, apparently...
I've been homeschooled since first grade though, so it's not like I really know what a public school is like, at least not by experience. I was in a private school for kindergarten, but that's it.
The only problem I've ever had with homeschooling is the lack of socialization. You don't make many friends. You see, the type of homeshooling that I'm receiving is the type where you literally stay at home and do schoolwork. I'm not in some sort of homeschool group, tis just me and my sister now. (Our brothers are now in college, and therefore are no longer homeschooled.) We just have a big, blue binder that tells us what to do, and the books we need to read, and that's it. Then, our mom assigns us algebra and chemistry, when she remembers to. She has a lot of work to do, considering that she's a lawyer, and an attorney, but right now she doesn't have a job that involves attorney's work. Right now, she's tryin' to look for a better job, instead of the evil place she works at now (and no, I'm not gonna mention the company's name, >.> just in case). Hope she gets a new one soon...

So, there! Now you know a little bit more about me. ^_^ Heh, twasn't a bad way to kill time, now was it?
(STILL NEED FLUFF!!)

~God Bless~

... I feel like I'm forgetting something... >.>
Oh well!
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Tuesday, March 22, 2005

How y'all doin', y'all?
Eh, made another two Tsubasa:RC wallpapers today. Honestly, I dunno where I keep coming up with these things. @.@ You think by now, I'd have moved on to something else, but no! In fact, I've now made 30 Tsubasa wallpapers in a row, I'm pretty sure about that. (34 T:RC papers total.)
Although, I did notice that today, I had to go out of my way to search for some Tsubasa pics to use. -__-; Oh my, I might stop with all them thar papers soon.

Anyway, on to other business...

Uhh... well, I got a haircut today. Yeah...
Ummm, my hair's really short too. I've been mistaken for a boy plenty of times (but only from the back, I'm quite thankful to add). I've had this one haircut for awhile, too. Since summer, haven't even tried anything new. Tis not as if I really like my hairstyle right now, but it's easy to manage it. Which I like. Very much so. I never did much care for hair (yet here I am, going on and on about it), so... tis best this way.

Oy, I guess I don't really have much to talk about this time, but I really felt like updating...
On a final note, my site almost has 300 visits. ^_^ That's very good! Only need about 10 more, and I'm there!

... anywho, here's a quiz! TA!


Your element is Shadow: Indifferent, unusual,
gentle and a complete mystery. No one tends to
know quite what to think of you because you
camouflage your emotions so incredibly well,
almost as well as your thoughts. You are
unpredictable in that no one knows exactly what
your going to do or what your capable of and
you've made sure they never will. You are quite
the wallflower but deep down inside is a kind
and very intelligent person. You are capable of
love but unless you let some light into your
shadowed life you'll have a hard time with your
relationships. People are a mystery only
because they all seem too superficial, you
would rather be somewhere else, away from all
the noise perhaps putting your feelings into a
form of art, maybe writing your feelings into a
poem or journal, or perhaps painting a picture.
The shadows make you feel comfortable and you
don't like to step outside your comfort zone or
let anyone else in, the spotlight terrifies
you. You are truly a mystery.


.:-|What is your true element?|-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla

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Saturday, March 19, 2005

OVER 2000! Can it get any better than this??
Just got over 2000 downloads today! YES! Wheet-whoooo!
Happened a lot faster than the 1000 downloads too. One must wonder, how long will it take for another thousand?
Well, shouldn't take too long, if I keep submitting Tsubasa wallpapers. ^_^ I wasn't going to make any today, but I ended up submitting two Fai-san ones. lol Go check 'em out, if you want to.

And someone made a delightful comment too. Apparently, CrazedMiko and ChibiBishi have downloaded all of my Tsubasa wallpapers. ^^ Hee hee, that's quite an honor, I'd say. Once in awhile, I submit a bit of a crappy wallpaper, in my opinion, but I guess those two don't care! You both rock!
v^.^ And the rest of you too! Don't think I've forgotten about anyone! You've all been so wonderful! *tear*

Hee, and one other happy thing happened to me today. I was able to get seven InuYasha manga! Woohooo! And I already read 'em all. XD Usually, I don't do that, but I couldn't help it! Kagome and InuYasha are just so cute together! I did have a bit of a headache afterwards, but twas such bliss, being able to read manga for 3-4 hours! Ahhhh!! *happy sigh*

And, one more bit of news. I changed my theme. ^_^ I hope you guys like it, because I do! W00T! Tsubasa! YAY!
(I also changed my intro, >.> whaddya think?)

That's pretty much all for now... can't think of anything else I could ramble on about.

Anyway, I wish everyone a happy weekend! TA!

~God Bless~
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Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Bouncy Like Tigger! W00T!
Heh, you know that wallpaper I was talking about in my last post, that would be a Tsubasa:RC anime one? Well, I actually submitted it yesterday, and right after I did, I started bouncing around the house. I was, quite literally, jumping for joy. XD I can only think of one other time I did that, and it was out of boredom, not joy.
Man, I can't wait for April 9th! Of course, even after the Tsubasa anime comes out, it might be awhile before I see it. -_-;
BUT! I will see it eventually! I'm obsessed enough, aren't I?

OH! And I've also heard that Yuki Kajiura is doing the soundtrack for the anime. ^^ Hee, so the anime AND the music will be good! Wheeee!! I'm so excited! I'm gonna make a banner of sorts, advertising the Tsubasa anime, and I'll put it in my introduction here. ^_^ I have another Tsubasa anime pic that would be perfect!
Anyway, while I'm still on the subject of Tsubasa, made another two wallpapers today. That numbers... 16 in a row? o.O I dunno, I've lost count. lol Anyway, check 'em out, if you want.

There's one more bit of news that I would like to inform you about. Very soon, I might be attending an anime club at Kyle's and Eric's college. Heh, that's gonna be awesome!
The club is going to be changing its time to Wednesdays at 6:30 (I think), so now Kyle's going to join. And, the club invited me and Ducky to come along too. I thought that was nice of them, considering that we're not college students. Apparently, they watch subbed anime in that club... all the time. o.o Makes me wonder, will I be watching Tsubasa once I join then?
There's just one thing though... not really a problem, but a "thing". I've never really watched subbed anime before, only dubbed. I guess I've technically watched InuYasha subbed, but only the video game and the movies. (It didn't take too long to get used to the voices.)
Eh, it'll just be a bit strange, that's all. Don't know why I even need to mention it...

Anywho, ta for now!

~God Bless~
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