Tuesday, October 21, 2008

....
Russell and I will be going out to get coffee tomorrow afterschool.
and for some odd reason...
i think he thinks it's a date.
O_O
Comments (0) | Permalink

Monday, October 20, 2008

Dylan's girlfriend painted his nails black.
ew.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Friday, October 17, 2008

-__-
I confronted him. he said they're just best friends so...they hold hands.
...anyone else think he's in the closet?

i do.

lol.

Comments (0) | Permalink

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

the little bitch lied to me. -__-
Andrew was holding hands with a guy again on the way home from school.
...and he claimed to not have a boyfriend.
...liaaar. :P
Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

:P
Russell is freakin' hilarious!
XD
like...all my 8th period friends were absent today so it was just me and Russell and it was so fun. lol.
I was trying to get him to give me a piece of gum and he kept switching my words around to sound dirty. Then it went on to how I practice Celibacy and then it went on to my bi-ness and he was like: O_O *...highfive*
and I was like: ....*sigh* *highfive*
haha. He's like, my new best buddy.
XD
He was like: Who kisses better? Boys or girls?
and I was like: i wouldn't know, I've never been kissed.
and he was like: ...kiss me.
and I was like: O_O what?
and he was like: KISS ME! then kiss a girl and tell me who kisses better!
and I was like: *...snort* *does my work*

lol. i love 8th period.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Brace myself and let go
Start it over again in Mexico
These friends, they don't love you
They just love the hotel suites now

I don't care what you think
As long as it's about me
The best of us can find happiness in misery.
_____________________________________________
Fall Out Boy.

Comments (0) | Permalink

Friday, October 10, 2008

bored.
nothing happened at school today. :/
i'm about to watch some old Angel episodes on Hulu. :D Love him.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Thursday, October 9, 2008

8th Period, Design and Drawing class?
i molested brandon. :/
but it was Russell's fault because he wouldn't give me the freakin' eraser. -__-
Sorry, brandon-baby.

oh, and apparently, Russell's not white.
...he's native american.
XD
Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

I feel sick to my stomach like, 24/7, and it has nothing at all to do with indigestion. I�m nervous and jumpy and I constantly feel like I should be turning my back to the world and just burst into tears. And I�m tired. Shit, man, I�m really tired. I just want to sleep. All. The. Time. But when I lay down and close my eyes I�m�wide awake. It�s anxiety, just normal teenage stress, I tell myself but I know that there�s no way in hell everyone goes through this and is still happy. Unless there�s some fuckin� good actors at my school, there has to be something wrong with me.
I find myself lying almost constantly, a tiny exaggeration to a total-wtf-that-never-even-happened-lie�and at times, I can stop. Just freeze and be like�Kiya? What the hell are you doing? But most of the time I can�t. I just�don�t even want to. I feel disgusting and wrong and I�m so sure of myself sometimes, so sure that they feel exactly how I feel, understand what I�m going through and then when I tell them it�s like: DING DONG. Reality check, betch. They don�t even care.
I�m smart. I have to be, because I can spew logic and by the time I�m done, I�m proven my fact and it�s ACTUALLY right. So, I�m either smart or a really good arguer and since I know I suck at arguing�I have to be smart. But it�s like no one can see that. They look at me and they�re like: Oh yeah, that�s Kiya. She�s cool, kinda weird but she�s cool. �and that�s it. I mean, It�s cool if you don�t think I�m pretty but dayum, I know I�m smart, why doesn�t anyone else see it?
So it�s not like I have the lowest self-esteem possible, actually, I think very highly of myself. I�m healthy in that way. I know I have flaws but I can accept that. But that�s not the reason I want to die sometimes.
I don�t even think I�m depressed. I�m just really really really angry. At like, everyone. Stupid people piss me off and when I hear you say something that logically, can not possible happen, I just blow up. I want to scream at them and say: OPEN YOUR FUCKIN� EYES! CAN YOU NOT SEE IT�S ALL BULLSHIT? But I don�t. Unless it�s my family, I don�t. I just laugh at them behind my back because to be honest? I think they�re just retards. All of them, every single one of those religious bastards in my mind are about the stupidest people in the world.
I hate people. That�s the emotion I use the most, I�m so serious. I hate you before I know you and unless you have a physically or social trait that draws me to you, I will always think you�re worth my hate. I guess I judge people by their cover, but instead of giving everyone a clean sheet, I hate them all.
I hate myself. I mean, I want to just burn the stuff that�s wrong with me out. Like the lies and the filth and the split personalities and the hatred and the�sickness. Because that�s what I think I am. Sick. I have to be, there can�t be anything else. And I don�t think I�m sick because I�m bisexual, ohhhh no. It�s because I want to hurt people, emotionally, socially, physically, ANYTHING. I want to hurt them, and when I manage to, usually emotionally, I feel this sudden rush of glee. I�m proud of myself, it makes me happy, and that�s what I find disgusting.
Yes, I�m bisexual. I like girls and guys. I find them both attractive, but to be honest, I find girls more attractive than guys. To be honest, I�d rather marry a girl over a guy, sooo yeah. Stick that somewhere.
So now that I�ve ranted, I�ve decided I have issues, yeah. But I hate my dad. I really, really do.
Comments (0) | Permalink

i'm leaving.
I can't stay at my house, and i tried to be mature about it, and see what's really going on but apparently, my family are just totally nuts. So I'm moving out. I dunno who i'm moving in with yet, but i'm gone.
Comments (0) | Permalink