I am in freakin' love.
It all started last night....
*starts dreamily off into the distance*
I picked up the next book in my pile of books-to-read that I got from the library and I looked at the cover. It was called Right Behind You by Gail Giles.
It's just...so fantastic. I can't even describe it. But I think you should all read it.
Heres the first chapter:
On the afternoon of his seventh birthday, I set Bobby Clarke on fire.
I was nine.
It was all about Bobby's birthday present.
A baseball glove.
Yes, that's the entire first chapter.
And if I thought I wanted to be a psychologist, I KNOW i do now. It's just so....*siiiiiigh* awesome. Comments (0) |
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Sunday, August 3, 2008
sorry
that I've appeared to vanish, but I've been busy.
Reading Death Note.
Reading Fanfic.
Reading A memory keepers daughter. (STILL TRYING)
Trying not to die from a headache...
shopping....
Dyslexia.
My Mmomy sdia I hvae ysiledxa.
A lanrnige disiabityl, she sdia.
My fresnid tinhk ti's fnnuy,
tehy tnhik ti's fnkuy.
My Mmomy sdia I'm buauteifl,
but onw, I'm not srue.
She siad I was nomarl ocne,
but taht's bviooulys not tuer.
I wsih I oulcd raed rgiht,
wshi I culod selpl and witre coreclrty.
My Mmomy got me a tacheer,
siad hes'd hlpe me.
We parcicetd eaervydy,
and eevn thugoh my fienrds leugahd,
I got bteter,
and bteter.
Now I can write like normal,
I can read and spell perfectly.
My Mommy said I was normal,
That's the truth.
I'm just like you, see?
_________________________________________________
yeah. Uh. I was never dyslexic. I just felt like writing this. It wasn't meant to be offensive to anyone who is Dyslexic, so...yeah. Comments (0) |
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The Memory Keeper's Daughter.
Is an interesting book. It's by Kim Edwards, and I've been reading it for quite a while, I'm shamed to say. It's only...*looks at book*...401 pages. I'm only on page...189 and i've been reading it for hm...a year? Yeah. that's sad.
It's just...BORING. Well, it was. It's about a guy who delivers his own twins and finds out that his daughter has down syndrome. Instead of doing the normal thing and doing anything he can to take care of her, he gives him to his nurse and tell her to take the baby to an institute. The nurse is like: hell naw, i love this kid. and raises it herself. He tells his wife that the baby died and keeps his son. Basically, it goes on and on about how they live their lifes. Caroline, the nurse, is awesome. I love her part of the story. Norah, the wife, however is a bitch. Well, not really. She's just so angsty! i mean..it's been 13 years since her daughter 'died' and she's still...weird. Yeah, yeah, I know you never get over the death of your child, but seriously! she acts like she's the only person in the world who's ever lost someone. She is always drinking and she's always complaining about how her husband loves his camera, which she bought him! and how he never takes time to spend time with Paul, his son. He does though. She's just too busy angst-complaining to realize. Ugh. I hate her.
Anyways. It's a really boring book, but they have little spurts of interesting stuff that makes you continuing to read in the hope that it'll get better. @___@ whatever.
OH! and Norah has the balls to have an affair. AN AFFAIR. fuckin' whore.
...sorry. i really really hate her. XD
I'm a very passionate person about my books, in case you haven't noticed, and so I tend to take sides. I took Henry, the father's, side in this. Even though he got rid of his daughter, I think he intended well, therefore...I forgive him. And Caroline, I just love her. She's amazing. Paul and Phoebe (the daughter) are equally cool. But Norah...FSDHAFJDS;SAFS. diediediehate. I don't care how much she's "been through". I fuckin' hate her and hope she get seriously injured later on in the book. Piece of shit.
Anyways! now that I've rambled on about my newest book...and made myself out to be a HUGE geek (which, i probably am), I'd just like to say that I'm hungry and my arm hurts.
-.-
i like how no one noticed my absent. I appreciate your love. Comments (0) |
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Sunday, July 27, 2008
Back from Vacation.
yayayayay! miss me?
okay, didn't do much. Swam some. Almost drowned. Cut my foot on a rock. Almost died because a stupid little dolphin-kid tried to kill me!....exaggeration.
Sometimes I think I'm the worst person in the world. Damaged somehow. Maybe it's a birth defect. Maybe it's because my dad was in his late fourties when I was conceived. Whatever the reason, I screwed up. I screwed up badly. I'm taking the blame fully.
Orginally I wasn't gonna say anything at all, let you brood, but I realized, that's just another drama thing. I need to stop. I don't know what's wrong with me but everything is just out of control at the moment. I need a breather.
It wasn't your fault. Never was. I didn't change because of you, and I realize that now. You can't change anyone. My depression was never your fault. My life is...different. I struggle and so I take it out on the people I love. I did before, and I'm not trying to make an excuse, I'm just trying to explain.
I loved you I love you. Still. You're my sister. My best friend. I don't know what I'd do without you, and I don't deserve you. I don't deserve any of you and I'm sorry.
I was an idiot. I let my confusions overflow, let them just...make me lose control. I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm just so angry. So tired. Half the time I just want to cry, and yet I just let the tears burn behind my eyelids. I can't help it. It's a habit.
I guess I wanted attention. Wanted people to notice me. I guess, in a way, I even wanted pity. I wanted someone to take care of me. Tell me I'm perfect. Tell me I'm beautiful. It's different with you, Nadia. You tell me I'm normal and it just feels....wrong. I feel like your...not telling the truth, feel like your just saying it to make me feel better. Not you fault. My insecurities have manifested into something that even I can't understand.
I'm sorry, what I did was...undeniably the worst thing I have ever done. I was serious when I said I couldn't help it. I was out of control. I was so angry, I just wanted to hurt someone. You. It was wrong. I'm sorry, you don't have to forgive me. To be honest, I don't want you to forgive me (ok, i do). I feel like I can't stop it. I'll just hurt you again and again until you get fed up enough to abandon me.
Your amazing, always there, even though I wish you'd take a step back sometimes. Just so I can breath, y'know? But the next second I'll wonder why you're so far away. Why I can never see you anymore.
I feel tainted. Dirty. I feel like somethings wrong with me. Burning my insides, causing my stomach to coil with snakes. And I'm tired. I'm so tired.
I guess I am suicidal. Because I have the urge to tell you to leave me alone, to save yourself from my insanity. But at the same time I know, that if I ever lost you, I'd die.
I'm sorry.
so sorry.
If it were up to me i'd just...freeze. Stop everything and be exactly who you want me to be. Change utterly and wholey and I'd be happy. You don't know how happy I'd be. Your my everything (not like that, Clari, relax).
...
I'm sorry.
For the pain,
and the lies.
For the tears that you cried.
I'm sick,
and I know it.
No use to deny it.
I'm begging for help
and no one believes
(no one should)
these lies that I spew
creating dreams
that'll never be.
I'm ashamed
to have spoken
all these words,
they're broken.
If I whisper
you might hear me
If I shout...
don't believe me.
Chasing Pavements (theres two other songs but I'm only putting the lyrics up for the first one.)
"Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasin' pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasin' pavements
Even if it leads nowhere
I build myself up
And fly around in circles
Watin' as my heart drops
And my back begins to tingle
Finally, could this be it..."
____________________________________________
Adele.
Edit: This is Elji's theme song.
I just think this video is super cool and freaky. It's an old song. very old. But I still love it. It's one of my HarryxSeverus timetravel songs. (heehee). Love. <3 Comments (0) |
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