Monday, April 21, 2008

Beware. Rant ahead.
I don't want your pity, so keep it and stuff it.

I hate my father, and i seriously hopes he dies.
He's abusive and overpowering, and he obviously doesn't know what it means to be a father. He's obsessed with religion and thinks that the rest of my family is doomed to be hookers and druggies. He's insane, he has to be. My father is a extremist Muslim. He thinks the world of Islam is the only way for someone to get along in this life. He has bookshelfs and bookshelfs of literature on Muslim customs and Islamic ways. He refuses to believe anything that isn't in the Quran. He's a maniac.

My father was a black panther and spent over twenty years behind bars for being an accomplice in a murder of a police man. He tried to break 'brothers' out of jail and went on the run.

My parents met while my father was still in prison. I don't know exactly what happened but I know that my dad has serious anger management problems.

He 'spanked' us at a child, and I know that seems normal in african american customs but he went over board. He used to beat my brother on his bed with a belt while my mother was at work. My older sister tried to restrain him while I hid in my room, my fingers firmly in my ears as I carefully hummed the tune of a lullaby.

He's crazy, there's no other explanation.

He beat my brother with a teddy bear until the bear's head broke off.

He threatened to kill my brother in an abandoned house.

He called me fat as a child, drilling into my mind that I was overweight. Luckily, I never grew a eating disorder, which only made me think I was fat more.

My father is not my dad. Not in the least.

My father 'loves for the sake of god and hates for the sake of god', as he likes to remind us.

He caused me to start cutting and he caused me to wish for not only his death but for my own.

My father ran out on us more times then I can count. And everytime I called his cell, wishing he'd come back. I was his little girl and I loved him. I loved him because he was my father and I thought he was doing this to protect me. I loved my father until I found out I was bisexual. I loved my father until I found out I was Atheist.

And by god he is told to hate anyone who doesn't follow the regulations of Islam.

By god's words I am going to hell for eternity.

My father doesn't know that I am who I am.

My father hates me for god's sake.

And for my sake, I hate him.


Comments (2)