Wednesday, July 22, 2009

For the Record...
I was given some very nice compliments by a family friend whom I've known since I was born, and I want to write them down and share them with the world so that the next time I'm feeling like a worthless person, I can read this and know that I am, in fact, a GREAT person, one of a kind!

He said that I am intelligent & smart, beautiful (without a doubt), and I have common sense & I'm down to earth. (And the half-asian part adds mystique.) I've got the total package and I shouldn't settle for any man who is less than what I deserve - he should be smart, kind, good at making conversation, and sexy.

And I am exceptional. (Constrictive, stuffy rules don't apply to me. ;) )

It's nice to know that other people sincerely believe in me, even though I don't always believe in myself. But right now I do!!! ^_^
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Friday, May 29, 2009

My Birthday
My birthday was really, really wonderful. I was determined to have a good day, and I think that's what helped make it so great. I went to work at my internship today, left at my usual time (~4:15). When I got home, Dad's flowers were waiting for me next to the piano. They are HUGE!! The vase they came in is huge, and so are the flowers. There are star gazer lilies and roses (typical for a bouquet), but there were also peonies, small purple flowers, leaves that look like banana leaves (I don't think they are, but they look like it), and orchids!!! The last two were sweet - they made me think of Thailand. =)

Then, I changed into my green dress from Urban Outfitters and got ready to go out. We went out to the Macaroni Grill, which was a REALLY nice place. ^_^ It was like being at a fancy restaurant, but without the huge price. =P I had "Pasta Milano" which was a little spicy, but otherwise good. The waiter was really nice (her name was Olga).

Then we got home, and had a really nice pie that Kari made me - from scratch!!! It was blueberry pie, and she makes the BEST blueberry pie. She also got me $35 to H&M, which was nice. Mom got me part 2 of Ouran High School, and I'm excited to watch it. Aaaaaaand, she also got me a claddagh ring!!! It's sterling silver, and the heart is "claddagh marble," according to the woman at the store. It's REALLY pretty. ^__^ The card mom got me also made me almost cry.

And my birthday wish? Well, that's a secret just for me.

All in all, it was a GREAT birthday!!!
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Monday, May 18, 2009

Roxie is a coward, a big, fat coward
I couldn't ask him. I wanted to, but I didn't.

It's so easy to come up with reasons not to. "Oh, I don't need to upset him, it's so late at night." or "I will, next time. ^^" or the very emo, "I feel like I already have my answer..."

I'm so afraid of the answer, it's not funny. And at the same time, I DO feel like I know the answer. "I just don't want to talk to you anymore." Or, our definitions of "talk" are very different. I feel like finding deep, meaningful conversations is somehow extremely difficult. It's all "surface chatter." That's the answer I'm afraid to get: "I'll talk to you, but not deeply." Or even worse, I'll get the lie: "I'm just busy, and tired." (Yeah, make that excuse.) Most of all, I'm afraid of this answer: "I don't like you anymore."

And if being afraid of the answer weren't bad enough, I'm even afraid of asking the question. I'm afraid of looking stupid. I'm afraid of looking foolish and desparate. I'm afraid everything, everything is all in my head. Either he doesn't feel this way, and it's all in my head, or he DOES feel this way, and everything before now is all in my head.

"I'm starting to wonder what was a lie, and if any of it was the truth." I think that to myself, sometimes.

Was any of it real, or is it just stuff boys say to girls to placate them?

Don't lie to me. Please, don't lie to me.

The question: "Where the hell are we?" (in our relationship)
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Sunday, May 10, 2009

Another beautiful weekend!!!
I've been having some awesome weekends lately, and I'd like to share what I've been doing. ^_^

April 18th - I went to a party at Matt (Wong)'s house, and spent time with a crapload of Chinese people, and had a lot of fun!!! ^_^

April 25th - Went to the beach (Belmar) with everyone in Gee. It was too cold out, but we still had a good time. =)

May 2nd - Went to the lolita meetup at Sakura Matsuri at Brooklyn Botanical Gardens! I had a lot of fun meeting other lolitas, talking about Japanese stuff, and looking very cute!

May 8th/9th - Went to see Star Trek with Matti and his boy (awww). It was so good!!! I loved the movie! I' m going to drag my mom to go see it. lol. And then we all hung out in Simps room afterward. *cough*


I really, really appreciate the party at Matt's. It made me forget about everything that's been depressing me. It made me realize that I can STILL be happy. I don't have to spend every weekend wallowing in pity. I can be happy. ^^
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Monday, March 30, 2009

I have so many thoughts and feelings inside. (Warning: Emo-ness ahead)
They're all there, inside my head and my heart and threatening to come out of my throat in a strangled cry.

I just have this litany of thoughts and feelings, streaming around inside. They go in no particular order, but here they are:

Love? Let it break, let it break wide open. Only then can you completely love. (Only then can you get better.) Goodbye. Au revoir. Sayonara. Saraba (さらば。). Owari. Owakare. Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold. "Sabishii desu ne. Mosugu wakare desu." Mosugu, wakare... Goodbye. I'm sorry. Gomen. Every day, with every worthless word we get more far away | the distance between us makes it more hard to stay | but nothing lasts forever but be honest, babe | It hurts but it may be the only way. It hurts. Wishing for someone's happiness can be a very sad thing. To love, to wish for it anyway. To want to be in a better place. To want to journey to a better state of mind. All the love is inside of us. Catalyst. Wishing for my own happiness. Goodbye. The pain of saying goodbye, of transforming into a new person. Maybe I'm a little scared, after all. I just want to say something. All the words threaten to come out of my throat at any second, and fighting to suppress them, to keep them inside.

I don't know what to say, how to express all this and keep it all inside, at the same time.
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Chamomile Tea... You are Chamomile Tea. Your an original! Helpful to anyone in need and always willing to lend a hand, you take action but not through violence, people listen to you for you have a knack for giving wonderful advice! Many look up to you and you try your best not to let them down. You have many friends steadfast or no who consider themselves lucky to be near you. You may have been hurt in the past but you dont let that stand in your way! You have a wonderful outlook on life and try to see the good in people which is an awesome gift! What type of Tea are you? {-With Anime Pictures!-} brought to you by Quizilla

Your element is Light: Innocent, beautiful, kind-hearted and pure. You are so sweet your almost angelic, you find joy in others happiness and cannot stand to see anyone in pain. You want to make everyone around you feel good about themselves and if someone is upset you can tend to become rather upset as well which means you are sympathetic and raise others above yourself. Being as kind and good-natured as you are people have most likely hurt you in the past but you pick yourself up every time. You may look fragile but you are stronger than most tend to see. Life is beautiful no matter how you look at it and you understand that people make mistakes, not everyone is perfect. You try to see the good in the bad which is a talent few posses, dont ever let anyone change you. You truly have a beautiful soul inside and a heart of gold. .:-|What is your true element?|-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers- brought to you by Quizilla