Monday, July 25, 2005

Thank You.
Urgh, I was trying to post this last night but I had massive amounts of spyware (I know where I got it from - I did it anyway, but I got rid of it too, so hey! ^_~), and everything was lagging terribly, so I had to close everything, run a MILLION tests (seriously), and then get rid of it all.

I ran the X-cleaner twice (spywareguide.com), I ran Ad-aware (by Lavasoft) so many times I can't tell you - somewhere around four. Then I ran Panda scan, and it got the remaining spyware. It also found a virus in my temp. internet folder. I freaked out, but my friend were on the phone with me to calm me down, and I just emptied my temp. internet folder, so... yeah. lol.

With the report from panda scan I was able to manually delete all the frickin' spyware files and registry keys (eheh - ^^; ). This one file didn't want to be deleted - finally had to run it in safe mode to get rid of the mofo. I was swearing the whole time while deleting these things. I think my friends were shocked at how much I could actually swear.

BUT IT'S ALL GONE SO IT'S OKAY NOW!!!! :O

Anyway, in other news, I'm doing fine. People don't seem to believe me, but actually, I am. You see, I wrote out everything that I had to in my private journal, and then I just felt MUCH better. It's great where you can have a place to sort out everything that's in your head. When I was done writing everything, I just felt so much better.

And that leads me to the title of this post. I wanted to say thank you to everyone. ^_^ I was actually really surprised that four people asked what was wrong, and wanted to make sure that I was alright. I'm... really touched by it. Thank you for your concern, you guys. I'm really grateful.

I was also startled that people actually READ this thing. I mean, when I had the comments box, I never or hardly got any. And then, when you get rid of it, you just start to assume that no one reads it and you're rambling to yourself. I guess I'm going to have to pay more attention to how I word my posts and what I put in them, since people apparently READ this thing! :O

Oh, something else I wanted to say (one of you inspired it. ^_~). Recently I've been in a bunch of debate threads at OB, debating and arguing, and sometimes against friends, people I respect, etc. I always thought this was an understandment, but now that I think about it, no one can read my mind, so I'll say it. Even though we may debate, argue, etc., please don't take it personally. I don't take it personally, so please don't be upset at something I may say. It's just debating, you know? So... yeah.

In other news, Lumi and I have got a million patterns. I made a pair of bloomers last night. I ACTUALLY followed the directions, and they ACTUALLY came out really good!!! =O ! They're so comfy. ^_^ I haven't done the gathering at the bottoms because I don't have enough ribbon (what the hell is with me, and not having enough of something?!?! v_+), but I did the drawstring at the top, instead of elastic (which I have, too, lol).

And you know what? This post is rambling off into infinity. I think I'm going to stop. Right... now.

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Saturday, July 23, 2005

Skin.
Screaming in my skin.

I'm sixteen, and I'd like to think I'm mature. Enough to handle this on my own. At least, for now. Mature enough to grasp the reigns firmly, and see what happens. What am I going to do when I'm 22? Might as well start taking responsibility for my actions now.

If worse came to worse, I was going to run away from it, but as soon as I suggested that to myself, I sounded like a loser. I'm going to tell her, and I was going to tell him (ask for advice, actually), but I saw the look on his face and couldn't. Just couldn't, and I want to cry - but my tear ducts wouldn't let me. It's like, with some people, every time you take a picture of them, it looks nothing like any other picture of them. lol.

I'm 16, and I'd like to think I'm mature.
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Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Fullmetal - clip!
Here's a short excerpt from my fullmetal fanfic that's *actually* being written!

"Get the hell away from me, you bastard." Ed yanked his wrists free from Mustang's grasp and clapped them together so quickly that his left hand stung, and then placed them on the ground. A huge rock guardian appeared from the cobblestones, separating Ed and Mustang, giving the former enough time to escape down the alley.

Soon, the sight of Ed was gone, and his footsteps died away. Mustang winced at himself. That was not what he meant to say to Edward. With everything he had explained, the implication was that he was concerned about Edward, no doubt causing Ed some sort of guilt, so why couldn't he at least say that he cared?

I've robbed you of the best part, but it's just so that you'll read the whole thing when it's finished. ^_~
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Monday, July 11, 2005

DARLING
There's a fine line between sanity and insanity. I have erased that line.

I have erased that line permenately, crossing over into the insane, though I still believe I am sane. So, you see what I'm saying?

Yeah, you understand. *smiles as she listens to nifty music. Not good, just... nifty*

I had a dream two nights ago, about Michael Jackson and touring the Neverland Ranch. It was incredibly bizarre. Really. >_>

The other thing I wanted to say, was that I hope I'm starting to find myself. I think I am, but maybe I'm not. I really hope I am. *clutches tightly to her Ken-made flashlight*
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Saturday, July 9, 2005

Boys over flowers
I want happiness
I seek happiness

to cause your happiness
to be your happiness

so take me
someplace far away
to a true Elsewhere
please take me there

magic that lasts
never-ending kiss
revery without break
unperishable bliss

take me
I want happiness

birds sing
song of unknown tongue
though winged, they
still fail to reach the sky

a place not to be treaded alone

so take me
to a true Elsewhere

wet feathers,
locked fingers,
melting flesh,
fusing minds

take me
I want happiness

Not your past
but your present is what I seek,
carefully winding back its fragile thread

please take me there

I want happiness


I've never read Clover; it's gotten mixed reviews but most people don't think it has any sort of decent plot; the only thing it has going is CLAMP's incredibly amazing artwork. The other downside, of course, is that, like X(/1999), they never finished it. Bummer. ;_;

The song, though, it really nice. I first encountered it in a background. Go here: http://www.moonlotus.net/candy/home.html then to "backgrounds" and "anime & manga." Then scroll down to "i want happiness." That is where I first saw Oruha and I KNEW she just had to be my Tsarina of Hearts. ^_^

I'm still in need of a Mistress of Darkness, but I'm leaning toward Miyu from Vampire Princess Miyu. Eheh. ^^;

But anyway, yeah. "I want happiness... I seek happiness... to cause your happiness... to be your happiness..." Very nice song. ^^
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Wednesday, July 6, 2005

All the things he said. ^_~
Well, before I get to stuff in the aforementioned title, I'd like to say something that... someone else wrote to me a long time ago. And it was just about 2 months ago that I finally understood it:

"[People online can be] people who wish they were even half of how they present themselves to be."

And like I said, I finally understood that completely, about two months ago. *laughs* But... that is quite nice to know.

And I do think there are a lot of people who are fakes. I'm not. What you see online is what I am; others may decieve but I am truth.


Alright, enough of that. *laughs* I talked to someone... else , last night. For about three hours; two of them talking extensively about something that I never intended to say, but it just happened. *shrug*

All I wanted to say was that he and all the others had put me through hell and back. For a while last night I thought I was being selfish, but... I wasn't. ^_^ I never expected anything back from all of it, so wanting that legend, even if I'm not remembered, is okay; it wasn't like I did it just for that reason - it simply came out that way.

Like I told *ahem* my dad was right. He says not to try to be famous - fame will come to you. Don't try too hard to be a famous leader; the people will do that for you. And once again, he is right. ^_^


I didn't mean to tell him (not my dad, the person from before, but not at the top.) last night everything I was feeling, but I did. And... I guess it turned out alright. Who am I kidding? I turned into a total sap last night. But it was truth, at least.

And I still wanted to go on the roller coaster again. I said, "Restarting a Revolution, are we?" to provoke him, but he knows better. "Goodness no, no time for wars... we must learn from those events, not repeat them." Yes, sensei. ;_; (;P)

She said, "Because we were stupid and foolish and we couldn't help it." Damn right. I should feel like a fool for everything coming out alright, but I don't. Because, well, I'm foolish. *hangs head*

And now, I don't even know why I told you all this. Everyone will be mortified.

But... I did. Because, well, I could. So I did. I mean, I am! ^^;;

P.S.: If you know who I'm talking about, please don't tell everyone and their brother. ;_;

By the way, to two/(three?) people: No secrets were betrayed - I PROMISE. ^_^
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Saturday, July 2, 2005

Oh Ford! Mustang.
It was a silly car discussion I was having at fullmetal-alchemist.com. We were deciding that if the FMA character had cars, which ones would they have. It actually took a while until a mod was like "Roy - a Mustang, duh!"

Someone else suggested a Nissan for Alphonse. "Niisan!!!" XD I'm such a sucker for puns.

I just think people are stupid. I said so at the carnival tonight.

Urgh. Forget this post. I just got a creepy call from some freak two seconds ago. I'm all scared now. *stomps off*
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Thursday, June 30, 2005

I guess you've never gotten to the point where you're absolutely insane over something absurd.

I'm going crazy over here, I guess mostly because it's summer.

All I do is read and write fullmetal fanfiction.

I practically live and breathe the freaking trailers for the movie that's coming out in Japan... which I obviously won't even be able to see.

I'm watching re-runs obsessively at 1:00 in the morning and then writing down every line to pass through Edward's lips.

I'm slowly going crazy over this. This is just as bad as it was when I was all over Dejimon. I feel like I'm beginning to know everything about Fullmetal alchemist, as well as all the rumors legends, etc. behind the image on his jacket (crucified serpent), the forging of one and the symbol of the homunculi (ouroboros), the story of the philosopher's stone (aqua regia, too), Ripley's twelve gates, etc.

I hate hate hate hate HATE IT WITH A FREAKING PASSION when people tell me the end of the series (which several people HAVE ALREADY DONE THANK YOU VERY MUCH. -________-), but I know bits of that, too (and if you even ATTEMPT to tell me the ending I will chop your head off and feed it to gluttony, got it?!?).

I'm absolutely crazy, I tell you. CRAZY. God, someone, anyone, please - help me now...
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Monday, June 27, 2005

swizzle stick
Hah! Lots of silly quizzes that I shall put here. Side note to all of you: I know nothing about J-rock or visual kei bands. Please don't kill me! *_*


You are a ~*Victorian Maiden*~
You look adorable, but cold what makes you seem
unreachable. You are never seen without an
umbrella. The colour of your dress is mostly
dark. Your favorite Lolita brand is
"Victorian maiden" of course.
^^"
You are always trying to act like a real Victorian
lady would have acted... and that's what you
are: a real lady... =^.^=


What kind of Gothic Lolita are you? (Japanese - Lifestyle for girls)
brought to you by Quizilla

That is sooo me. I even went to the Victorian Maiden website and ended up liking most of the clothes. ;_;


You are the normal Gackt fan. You like him, but not
enough to run screaming his name and
pronouncing it's Gackt day.


How much of a Gackt fan(girl) are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Gackt day? XD The first time I saw Gackt, it was in the OB picture forum, and Transtic had posted pictures of Gackt naked. He's so hottt. (I don't know too much about him though. ^^; )


I actually might like you. You don't have to worry
about any death messages soon from me, so let's
just chill..


How much Gackt Hates you.
brought to you by Quizilla

Yay! Gackt likes me!!! XD ^^



You're Mana's perfect date. You're great for
eachother, and I know you're gonna share him,
right?


How Well Would Your Date with Mana Go?
brought to you by Quizilla

o.o I took another quiz that was like "Which member of Malice Mizer are you?" And I got Mana. XD ...Wait... Isn't it somehow wrong for me to be compatible with Mana?!?! *flaps arms like a frantic chicken*


You're obsessed with your Die plushie. He has magic
growing hair so you can cut it to any period
you like, a cute leather outfit, and comes with
a free plush playstation kit with any purchase.
(But his hair comes in black, so you have to
buy the magic hair dye playset. What a pisser.)


What Guitar-playing J-rocker Plushie Would YOU Have an Obsession With?
brought to you by Quizilla

This quiz is from the same author as above. I have no idea who this is but the quiz was hilarious.



You're the Moderate Fangirl. You defend what you
love but know there are two sides to every
coin.


What Kind of Fangirl are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yay! I like being the moderate fangirl! *celebrates* ^_^

...Actually, I don't think I am. Who has the kind of obsession I have with Hagaren?!? (Or Digimon for that matter). And I'm in love with series that have Bishi boys!!! I heart GW and Saiyuki and Weiß Kreuz! XD

Come to think of it that quiz must be lying... ¬_¬
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Sunday, June 26, 2005

It's just me, isn't it?
Is it just me or is the new Coldplay CD (yes, I just got it today, okay?!?!?) just not as great as the last one. Speed of Sound is the only one I even sorta like. Most of the songs sound the same. It's basically just the guitar playing and then chris Martin. There's NOTHING for the piano whatsoever, which was disappointing. =(

Another CD to file into the bin of ridiculous and/or tasteless music of this decade.

I think everyone must know, the music of this decade just SUCKS.
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