Wednesday, February 14, 2007

The Great Valentine's Distaster
a.k.a. I laughed and nearly cried, but now I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry

Yes, we had a snow day today! which was great! It was nice. =)

Anyway, since we had the day off, I decided to go online, and all. I was on AIM most of the day, looking for someone.

I had been looking for them online since Monday - I made this elaborate plan to gradually ask them if I stood a chance of going out with them.

So of course, today of all days (Valentine's day, *rolls eyes* and yes, TOTALLY unintentional. *is serious*), I was able to try my grand scheme.

I started out with Happy Valentine's Day, happy snow day, what are you doing, what are you doing over break next week... etc. Then, as question one, I asked, "are you going out with anyone right now?"

He says no. And then asks why I asked in the first place. And I was like: "er... I saw you with some girl the other day and er... >_>"

Hehe. And then I asked something to the effect of, "Would I ever stand a chance? ^_~" with the winking face. I was figuring if it blew up in my face, I could claim it was in jest.

So he asks, "stands a chance with what?"

And I said, "going out with you, silly. ^_~" (winking again)

He sent a reply, but while I was trying to get back to it, OF COURSE my computer SPAZZES, and I don't get to see his reply.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED THE MOMENT OF TRUTH!" I called Lumi and said that to her over the phone. (She had been helping me the whole way with "oh god what do I say!?!?" etc. lol)

So she starts laughing at me, although I was laughing at that point anyway. I think she was crying tears of laughter at me, I swear. ¬_¬

But so anyway, I get back and I say (now this part I have saved):
Me: In all honesty, I completely missed what you said
Me: my computer spazzed out and I had to restart
Me: not kidding
Me: X_X

lol. So he said "I don't know you too well. Usually I like to get to know people before I go out with them."

*smack* DUH, completely logical and acceptable response.

At a loss for words (again), and asking Lumi for advice (again), I asked what he wanted to know about me.

Him: off the top of my head
Him: why are you so interested

"Because I'm crazy? Because I'm totally and completely...passionate...about...puppies? Just kidding." (Lumi said he likes dogs, though, so... ^^; )

We ended up playing twenty questions (although I was the only one asking, and I only asked five questions). He's smarter than I thought, incredibly insightful, and he likes foreign music (ALWAYS, ALWAYS a plus!!!).

Of course, my last question, after I sent it, I realized I was attempting relationship suicide. I asked, "Would I ever actually stand a chance with you? Be honest, that's all I care about."

Can you guess what happened next? Yeah. Suicide successful, although it was quick and painless (to an extent...). >_<;;

He explained that he didn't know and it depended on a lot of things and according to him, "I was actually thinking about not going out with anyone this year just because of past experiences that led me to believe that friendships are better."

(He's had a g/f before.)

I mean, he could be telling the truth with his "explanation", but I highly doubt that. The things I can commend him for, though, was letting me down so gently, and of course, creativity. Nothing worse than hearing the "It's not you, it's me," excuse (and before anything started), so he gets points for that. ^_^

I'm glad he was honest about not wanting to go out with me. See, I actually prefer that honesty to if he had said yes to going out, but totally hated my guts and couldn't stand to look at my face (I'm not all that attractive, either).

And that's why I wasn't sure whether or not to laugh or cry. Laugh with relief and happiness at his honesty, or cry because he said no.

The only thing that made it seem worse was the fact that the song "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol was playing at that exact time, and although the song is about being together, it's a bit sad-sounding, which, again, made it seem worse. It was so weird, I felt so glum (still do, a bit), but it wasn't anything worse than feeling glum.

Haha, I spent the next hour and a half afterward in a daze about the whole thing, ended up listening to "Asterisk" by Orange Range to cheer me up, and then watched House. ^_^

Right after the suicide, though, Lumi said at least I took the plunge and asked. And she commended me for that, which made me feel good (in my post-rejection state).

We said:
Me: should I be crying at this point?
Lumi: i dont think so
Lumi: you got rejected, but so what? he must not be the one
Lumi:keep looking dear
Me: oh good, 'cause I'm not, for some reason.

And so I suppose, he must not have been the one. And that makes me feel a little better, too. ^_^;; Thank you so much, Lumi, for being there the whole way, beginning to end.

Another part of the convo with Lumi:
Me: having your dreams crushed doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would. ;-;
Lumi: that's just tragic sounding
Me: lol
Me: "tragic sounding..."
Lumi: yeah


Regardless of the outcome, it was the happiest two and a half hours of my life. He actually paid attention to me, and answered splendidly, and that made me feel good, at least for a while. ^_^ =)

So it was a disaster in the end, but that's okay. I tried, I was courageous enough to try, he let me down gently. I had told him in response to one of my own questions that I was an optimist - even if things go wrong, I tend to mope and then keep going. So what comes next you ask? I've moped, I'll probably mope a little more, and then move on. =)