Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Christmas!!
Every year, Christmas becomes *slightly* less spectacular, just because I'm getting older. This Christmas is pretty good, except that it went too fast!!!

I got some really AWESOME presents for Christmas, including, well, EVERYTHING!! Lets see: Sewing machine, Apples to Apples, a book (Messenger), ROTK, Firefly!!!, perfume, SUNGLASSES, cream, gift card, PJs, SOCKS (^_^), and other things I can't remember. (And money from the Normiles. ^^)

I darted to the shower right after, so I could get ready and be done on time. I curled my hair (it looked better than yesterday), and put on my make-up. I really liked what I wore for Christmas this year.

I just felt like the time at the Normile's was too short. Usually it's too long or just right, but I really felt like dinner came by quickly, and then we were gone! ;_; I wanted to spend more time playing up the "international friends" angle, and I guess just talking in general, but... *shrug*

After crying over him last night and writing it all down, I resolved not to let him ruin my Christmas, and I didn't let him. I forgot about him mostly, and when I did remember, I didn't feel angry at all. My facebook status just says, "Roxie had a great Christmas. She didn't let anything ruin it. ^_^" So I am pleased.

And I felt better when I signed on AIM today and his SN wasn't on there (b/c I took it off). It was such a simple change, and yet I feel quite a bit happier, and more liberated. I still think about him a lot, and still get angry (and thus sad), but nowhere NEAR as close as I was the other night. Taking him off was like disabling the comments on my myO. When I KNOW it's not an option, it doesn't really bother me (as opposed to when someone has a choice, and chooses not to talk to me).

Of course, it also means I've been stalking facebook a lot more, too, and baiting him on it (that wasn't planned, though. It was spur-of-the-moment.).

I also told myself I wasn't going to read his lj, but I did end up doing so, and now I'm just mad at him all over again (not as close to how I felt last night). After reading it, I'm tempted to change my facebook status to, "Roxie was thinking about being a better Christian, but then decided against it." Seriously, I started to read his lj, and he wrote that he had a shitty Christmas and his dad's making him miserable. So I'm sitting there thinking, "Oh he's had a lot on his mind, he can't really be concerned about me, blah blah blah." And THEN I keep reading and he said, "So I haven't talked to him since Sunday." -_-; He notices that he hasn't talked to Dan since Sunday, and is concerned about it, but apparently doesn't care at ALL that he has barely been talking to me since break started! =/ (And I also haven't talked to him since Sunday!!!) And okay, admittedly, yeah of course he's going to notice because he likes Dan, but the point is that he's CAPABLE of realizing when he has/has not spoken to someone, and just doesn't care that he hasn't spoken to me. =/ ARGH!!! ~~; (see now why I wanted to put that on facebook)

And I really am going to try to stop reading his lj, with some false hope that he'll write about me. Because it's painfully obvious that he won't say anything about me, or it.

So, I didn't let him ruin my Christmas, but now that Christmas is over, it's back to me allowing him to ruin my life. ;_; As he would say, "good times."